Obamas

There were rumors that President Obama declared that Kanye West is a jackass after hearing about "the mic snatchin'." Well, Obama really did say that and TMZ got a hold of the audio, which was recorded right before he was about to do an interview with CNBC.

After the word "jackass" jumped out of his mouth, Obama quickly added, "Nooo. Nooo. I'm assuming all of this. Where's the pool? Cut the president some slack!" But it was too late! The word was already flying around the room. As TyTy would say, "You said it! I didn't say it! You said it!"

Maybe Obama, Kanye and Taylor can talk this out over a beer.

And I'm waiting for a white dove to fly down from heaven carrying a note in its beak that reads: "I co-sign Obama's statement. xoxoxoJC." I'm also waiting for Kanye West's ALL-CAPS "OBAMA HATES DOUCEHBAG PEOPLE" rant.

UPDATE: UsWeekly says Kanye West personally called Taylor Swift and said he was sorry. Taylor said his apology was sincere and she accepted it. So, that's that! I still think Taylor, Obama and Kanye should have a beer.

Or is that cream? Or white? Whatever. Bitches can finally unclench their ass cheeks because Michelle Obama's inauguration gown came out tonight. I can't wait to hear whores on the morning shows tomorrow rant about this from top to bottom. Anyway, it was made by Taiwan-born Jason Wu. I love him because he used to make clothes for Barbie. He still makes Barbies sometimes, but only really fine ones. The kind you'd drink champagne with and talk about art. Elegant ones.

So, when I first saw her dress, I wasn't sure about it. It looked liked a wedding dress Solange would make down in the basement using Charmin rolls, pipe cleaners and cotton balls. But then when she twirled and it sparkled, I felt tingly. It's the gay gene. I see pretty sparkles and I'm suddenly giggling. And get ready to see low-budget knock offs of this dress at weddings, proms and sweet 16 parties.

As expected, Beyonce sang "At Last" for the Obamas first dance. I didn't roll my eyes completely which means it wasn't that bad. I did a half roll and then brought it back. You know Beyonce's inner Sasha Fierce was begging to come out. Beyonce had to hold her back! You could tell she wanted to get all dramatic, rip off her dress and bust some "Single Ladies" moves. Basement Baby was telepathically telling her to "Let Sasha out! Let Sasha out!" That didn't happen and overall I give it a half clap. She's still no Etta James.

Posting is on hold because I'm watching this inauguration stuff while eating one of my last bags of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies. They are extra good if you crush them down in a bowl, pour milk over them and sprinkle some sugar on top for an extra KICK. Anyway, Barack Obama is now the HBIC of the United States! But I seriously couldn't stop staring at Diane Feinstein's hair. My friend IMed with, "Did Ann Miller come down from heaven to host this shit?" I think Diane's hair was St. Angie's inspiration for that shit she wore on her head yesterday. I just had to share that thought since my dog yawned at me when I told him. You can do the same thing.

If you missed any of Obama's speech or Diane's Ann Miller hair, MSNBC has a bunch of videos of the whole thing.

Earlier I was watching the Today show and when Michelle Obama stepped out wearing this outfit, everyone started dissecting this shit from top to bottom. It was like a really annoying episode of What Not To Wear but with Matt Lauer rolling his eyes in the background. Yeah, he's so above it. But seriously, they wondered if she was wearing a vest underneath. Some bitch also asked if the color of her dress matched the carpet in one of the rooms in the White House. WTF. I'm surprised they didn't ponder what color underwear she had on. When she shows up to the ball tonight, everyone's going to spontaneously combust. I hope she shows up in a blinding hot pink pantsuit with exquisite lucite heels on. That would seriously kill some people.

Anyway, if you care, she's wearing a Toledo! That's the designer. Toleeeedo! It's a dress. And I bring you this news because it's the most important piece of information today. IMPORTANT.

And now, we can all go back to watching Big Brother: DC. Seriously, they are following the Obamas around everywhere. I feel like I'm one of their stalkers!