The Mind Is Boggled

Any bitch who names his son Justin DIOR is obviously going to throw him a gaudy mess of a 16th birthday party. And that's exactly what Diddy did in NYC last night for his son Justin Dior Combs. The party was even shot for an upcoming episode of MTV's My Super Sweet 16, which should really change its title to The Future Monsters of America.

A million dollar birthday party filled with thrones and crowns (STAINS is not amused) was not enough for Diddy's angel. According to Page Six, Diddy bought Justin Dior his first car. No, it wasn't a '95 Tercel with 200,000 miles on it. Diddy gave his son a $360,000 Maybach complete with his own personal driver. The dealer must have been sold out of Louis Vuitton cars.

But the gift giving fuckery didn't stop there. Diddy also slipped $10,000 into Justin Dior's banking. Justin told reporters that he's going to wait to buy a diamond-encrusted Little Tree for his first car, because he's going to donate the $10,000 to Haiti.

And here's a few pictures from Justin Dior's Super Depressing 16, which included appearances by the whores of Jersey Shore, Nicki Minaj and Nermal from Garfield.

During your daily spiritual ritual (aka eating Popeye's in between bong hits) make sure you throw in a good thought/prayer for Phoebe Price's mother/assistant Flora who was recently diagnosed with cancer. That's why the chicken cutlets at the grocery store looked extra weepy yesterday.

PP delivered the sad news to Celebrity Nation while working the famewhore stroll in Los Angeles yesterday. But don't worry, PP isn't going to let the sadness fade her freckles. Just two beats after giving us sad face news, PP perked up and announced that not only is she shooting her own show (premiering on the TV in the Foster Farms break room), but she will also be on RuPaul's Drag Race in February. Nothing can keep a Hot Babe of the Millennium down.

Here's more of Chicken Cutlets dealing with her grief along with Quween on the Scene and Hofit "My Titties Hate Each Other" Golan.

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have gone their separate ways after 23 years together. This is seriously some surprising shit! They never cursed their relationship by saying the words "I DO" in front of a preacher, so I figured they would last foreeeeever. There's no hope for any of us. Let's all get in the convertible and drive to Mexico.

Susan's rep issued this statement to People:

"Actress Susan Sarandon and her partner of 23 years, actor Tim Robbins have announced that they separated over the summer. No further comments will be made."

OVER THE SUMMER!? Love died in the summer, and all of us have been going around like nothing is wrong?

Well, I guess it must get boring waking up to the same face every morning for the past 23 years. On the other hand, it must be sad no longer waking up to the same face every morning after 23 years. I need to stop, because I'm starting to sound like a Roberta Flack song.

There's a hundred handfuls of famous dudes I can picture Jessica Simpson with (i.e. Huckleberry Hound and the Cuban Gynecologist), but Billy Corgan is not one of them. That's why this little article from E! Online has me asking Jesus for some assistance here.

E! says that a Smashing Pumpkin and a smashed bumpkin are smashing each other. Let's smash our heads in until this makes sense.

A source is saying that Jessica is completely "smitten" with Billy, and he's telling his friends that they are officially dating. But one of Jessica's "friends" isn't about to send them a couple's heart pendant necklace anytime soon. They told E!, "He's just another in an endless string of Jessica's boyfriends. They think he's too old for her. No one takes any of her boyfriends seriously anymore because she has had so many. They're sick of all of them being 'the one.' "

Jessica would fall in love one of my dog's dingles if it sent her a nice text message, but what is going through Billy Corgan's fetus-like head? Maybe Billy is freakier than we thought and he actually gets the tingles from cuddling with Jessica on the sofa while Papa Joe awkwardly stares at them from the corner with one hand "in his pocket" and the other hand twerking his nipple. Freaky ass freaky bitches!

The Grammy nominations were announced tonight, and Kim Zolciak's name was more than just tardy for the party. It was straight-up ABSENT from the party. The song of this generation was completely snubbed by those bitches. Tardy for the Party should have been nominated in every single category from Song of the Year to the Best Recording by a Wild Animal. Shit, they could've even nominated her in the Spoken Word categories since she didn't sing any of that shit!

Ugh. Whose dick does Kim have to suck to get a Grammy nomination?! No, that was a serious question, because she really will do it. Kim will even suck a dick for an invite to a Grammy viewing party in the parking lot of a Big Lots.

But seriously, I know the Grammy voters aren't wig haters, because Beyonce was nominated for 10 awards! Kim's song must have been way too artistic and musically complicated for the mainstream Grammys. Yeah, that's the reason.

Here's some of the nominations. Beyonce got 10, Taylor Swift followed with 8, and the Black Eyed Peas, Maxwell and Kanye West each got 6. Again, Kim Zolciak got ZERO. ILLEGAL!

SONG OF THE YEAR
Beyonce - "Single Ladies"
Lady Gaga - "Poker Face"
Maxwell - "Pretty Wings"
Kings of Leon - "Use Somebody"
Taylor Swift - "You Belong With Me."

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
Beyonce - "I Am ... Sasha Fierce"
Black Eyed Peas' "The E.N.D."
Lady Gaga - "The Fame"
Taylor Swift - "Fearless"
Dave Matthews Band - "Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King."

RECORD OF THE YEAR
Beyonce - "Halo"
Black Eyes Peas - "I Gotta Feeling"
Kings of Leon - "Use Somebody"
Lady Gaga - "Poker Face"
Taylor Swift - "You Belong With Me"

BEST NEW ARTIST
Zac Brown Band
Keri Hilson
MGMT
Silversun Pickups
The Ting Tings

BEST ROCK ALBUM
AC/DC - "Black Ice"
Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood - "Life from Madison Square Garden"
Green Day - "21st Century Breakdown"
Dave Matthews Band - "Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King"
U2 - "No Line on the Horizon."

BEST POP PERFORMANCE BY A DUO OR GROUP WITH VOCALS
Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling"
Bon Jovi - "We Weren't Born to Follow"
The Fray - "Never Say Never"
Daryl Hall and John Oates' "Sara Smile"
MGMT - "Kids"

Click here for the full list.

Once you're done with your turkey baster this Thanksgiving, ask a dude in your family to drop a load of baby batter into it and then send it off to OctoMommy, because she's saying that she's "open" to having BABIES!! again someday.

In an interview with GMA (via Radar), OctoCrazy was asked about putting her uterus through more torture and she responded with: "If I wanted to do it the traditional way and get married. That's like another chapter." If OctoCrazy ever gets to that bridge, she needs to jump off of it instead of crossing it.

Even if she does get married, she shouldn't even be allowed to kiss him on the open mouth for fear that she will get knocked up again. Seriously, from now on it's only Christian side hugs for OctoMommy:

And even then, she better wear a lady condom while doing it!

Image via NY Times (Thanks to Paul for the terrifying video)

When most of us walk down the streets, we come across a handful of chicks wearing peek-a-coochie skirts and enough make-up to keep a needy drag queen set for life. It's not news. However, at Brazi's Bandeirante University (Uniban) it causes mass hysteria.

20-year-old Geisy Arruda, a tourism student at Uniban, showed up to class wearing a pink mini-dress and a lot of make-up on her face. At any elementary school in the US, they would've made fun of her for dressing like a prudish pilgrim. But at Uniban, a mob of students followed her everywhere she went and repeatedly called her a whore. Some of the dude students threatened to rape her and others tried to take pictures of her crotch with their phones. Shit got so real that the police were brought in to escort Geisy out of the school.

The school expelled Geisy after investigating the Oct. 22nd incident. Uniban explained their decision in an ad they took out in the paper titled, "Educational Responsibility - Education Is Made With Attitude Not Complacency." They blamed Geisy for not only dressing provocatively to class, but they also said that she regularly flirted with the boys and walked like she was working every shift on the ho stroll. Uniban's lawyers added that they gave her several warnings before expelling her.

Yes, Brazil is known for their ass thongs and titty pasties, but most students dress conservatively to class. Apparently.

The clip below is really fucking crazy. People are punching each other out, tearing their own heads off and acting the fool over a short skirt. They should make those boys watch Rock of Love. Their dicks would explode and they would turn inside/out after only 30-seconds.

I didn't even have to blink twice before figuring out who Cojo dressed up as to Heidi Klum's Halloween party last night. When my dog ran out of the room screaming, I knew that only one beast could instill that kind of fear into small furry animals: KHLOE KARDASHIAN!!!!!!

Cojo makes a better Khloe Kardashian than Khloe Kardashian does. And he nailed that "hongray for woodland creatures" look in his eye. It's so real! You're expecting him to yank that veil off, howl at the moon and then gallop off into the darkness. Just like the real Khloe.

Although, my only criticism is that he could've used more arm and upper lip hair for authenticity. Other than that, Cojo triumphed as Khloe. You know Lamar Odom will be busting into face seizures all day from jacking off to these pictures like maniac. I wouldn't be surprised if he calls it off with Khloe and proposes to KhloJo instead.

Now we know where the wild things are! They're hiding in Mr. August's pits. And you know James Gandolfini is the voice for those hairy pit beasts. Moving on....

iCarly is a show for kids, tweens and pit lovers on Nickelodeon. I've never seen one episode, but after glancing at this calendar, I might have to get my Tivo on that shit. Apparently, iCarly's 26-year-old brother, Spencer, put together this calendar featuring European fun guys and a little boy in a tuxedo (???????). Yeah, I don't even know either. I've always had the feeling that the hos at Nickelodeon had the best kind of acid in their desk drawers, and now it's confirmed.

Disney better step up their whore game, because Nickelodeon is coming at them hard! Don't slime yourself now!

This year, TyTy brought in $30 million from America's Next Top Model, The MEMEMEME Show, and her other TV projects. Katherine Hagel brought in $18 million for Grey's Anatomy and that movie about ugliness she did with Gerard Butler.

TyTy and Hagel both topped Forbes' annual list of the highest paid chicks in prime-time television. While the wig and tobacco industries send both of them a "thank you" basket for single-handedly keeping them alive, all of us will shake our heads. If you shake your head hard enough causing it to fall off and roll across the room, send your hospital bill to TyTy and Hagel. Those bitches can afford it.

I know I should be proud of Hagel for proving that being a major cunt pays off, but I just can't! I sort-of (not really) can understand why TyTy queefs hundred dollar bills, but I still can't wrap my brain around Hagel making 18 million clams. So many layers of NOT RIGHT. Here's the full list:

1. TyTy - $30 million
2. Hagel - $18 million
3. Marg Helgenberger - $9.5 million
4. Eva Longoria Parker - $9 million
5. Mariska Hargitay - $8.5 million
6. Julia Louis-Dreyfus - $8 million (tie)
6. Maura Tierney - $8 million (tie)
8. Tina Fey - $7 million
9. Marcia Cross - $6.2 million
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt - $6 million

VIA Radar