Hot Slut of the Day

Genevieve Goings, the hip-hop train conductor on Disney's Choo Choo Soul.

I don't wear Pull-Ups (usually) or eat my own boogers as an afternoon snack (not on a regular basis, anyway), so I've never heard of Choo Choo Soul before. But when I saw a picture of Genevieve Goings, my eyelashes started sweating and all I could see is twinkly stars floating off of her perfect eyebrows. Yes, it's always the eyebrows. I'm really that easy.

Besides being blessed with a pair of stunning eye valances, Genevieve also knows how to bust moves while on a moving train. Okay, the train isn't real, but let's not be too picky now. Clip beeeeelow:

(For Lorna)

Eric Steward, the Australian pepaw who went out to pick up the morning paper at the local store, but ended up taking a wrong turn which led him 400 miles the wrong way.

81-year-old Eric was visiting friends with his wife when he took off at 7:30 Monday morning to get the newspaper. Pepaw Eric took a wrong turn onto the highway and drove nearly 400 miles for a total of 9 hours before he decided that he should probably ask for some help. Eric finally asked a police officer for some directions back home. By this time, Eric's wife had already called the police and reported his old ass missing! The police officer simply showed Eric the right way and he was reunited with his wife 9 hours later.

Eric told the Australian media, "I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful quiet drive. I didn't know where I was going but I knew it was somewhere, and with a bit of luck I would eventually find my wife again. When you get to 80 and beyond it doesn't matter much. He's out there waiting for us and you just got to wait your turn." And when a reporter said he should get a GPS, Eric snapped back, "Why would you want one of those? You can't get lost. There is no fun in that."

400 miles in 9 hours?! Was Eric driving a shopping cart with rusty wheels? Well, at least he wasn't speeding.

And I know how Pepaw Eric feels since my brain is constantly going 400 miles in the wrong direction.

(For Rebecca)

Sue Grafton, famed author of detective novels such as "A is for Alibi," "B is for Burglar," "C is for Corspe," etc..etc... Sue knows the alphabet better than any ho on Sesame Street!

Sue is also extra hot, because homegirl puts up a stop sign whenever Hollywood comes knocking at her door. Sue said she will never sell the TV or movie rights to her books. And if her children pull that shit after she's gone, she promises to haunt their asses from the grave.

(For Lahoma)

Linda Purl- Linda is best known for playing Matlock's daughter Charlene in the first season of Matlock. But Linda also has a zillion other credits to her legendary name! Linda not only played Foznie's girlfriend on Happy Days, but she was also Richie's part-time lover during season 2. Linda was the tramp of Milwaukee!

Most recently, Linda played Pam's mother on The Office. AND she was married to Desi Arnaz Jr. for a quick minute. The woman has done it all!

Dr. Brooke Magnanti, the real-life Belle de Jour.

In an interview with the Sunday Times, Dr. Brooke Magnanti has come out of the closet as former high-class call girl turned blogger Belle de Jour. Belle de Jour's blog led to a series of books, which became a TV series called Secret Diary of a Call Girl starring Billie Piper.

34-year-old Dr. Magnanti is now a fancy scientist who specializes in developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. Up until a month ago, only six people knew that she used to peddle her pussy out for $600 an hour. Not even her own agent knew.

She decided to reveal herself after six years of living in secret, because she was afraid that her skeezy ex-boyfriend was going to sell the story to a tabloid. She said, "It feels so much better on this side. Not to have to tell lies, hide things from the people I care about. To be able to defend what my experience of sex work is like to all the skeptics and doubters."

Dr. Magnanti worked as a vagina vendor from 2003 to 2004 while she finished getting her PhD in smart people stuff.

And now, when people ask her what she does for a living, she can proudly say, "I'm a former high-class call girl turned scientist." Sigh. I wish I could tell people that and mean it. Everything sounds better with "former high-class call girl" before it.

Patricia Paay, Dutch singer and ravishing beauty who is set to become the oldest ho to bare her prune in the pages of Playboy.

In the December issue of Dutch Playboy, 60-year-old Patricia proves that you are never too old to show off your memaw mammaries or granny lips (both pairs) to the public. Yes, homegirl is 60 and looking like Lindsay Lohan's much younger sister. Get that shit, Patty! Show off those Werther's Originals for grannies everywhere! (Note to my own mom: DON'T EVEN! DON'T!)

Below is Patricia singing one of her hits back in the day.

(For Dionne)

Robin Maxwell's lizard baby from the original V as played by Marc Anthony. No, I made that last part up.

Since the new V is taking TV by STORM (not really), we should pay homage to the breakout star of the original: Robin's lizard puppet baby! Those magnetic cross-eyes! Those Posh Spice nostrils! Those teefs that Kate Moss would die for! A STAR WAS BORN! Unfortunately, lizard baby's time onscreen was short lived. But its performance lives on forever:

(For Dwight)

Sabi, the Australian Army bomb sniffing dog who was lost in Afghanistan for 14 months.

I guess it's hot Australian hero week around these parts. Yesterday, I posted about the part-time model who got his chonies wet to save a pooch. Today I bring you Sabi, who was recently found by the Americans after she went missing in action for over a year.

Sabi went sent to Afghanistan to sniff out bombs (She should get a job in Hollywood doing just that). During a battle Sabi got lost in all the chaos. Sabi's trainer and the other soldiers couldn't find her after a long search. They presumed that she was dead. Well, Sabi wasn't.

She spent the next 14 months surviving in Afghanistan. She became an underground pop star and a mistress whore to a rich drug lord. Sabi did what she had to do. But a few days ago, while she was roaming around doing hood rat stuff, an American soldier immediately recognized her as the dog the Australians have been looking for. Sabi was ID'd by her trainer and now she's back at Australian headquarters. Yes, Sabi is still in Afghanistan. You know that bitch is pissed! After all that she should be in Australia, reclining on a velvet settee and watching Kath & Kim re-runs.

(For Jenni)

Raden Soemawinata, the sexy piece hero who dropped his pants and jumped into the extremely dangerous waters (not really) of Victoria, Australia to save a dog.

When Sue Drummond's dog BiBi was carried off the pier and into the water by a strong bitchy ass wind, she didn't know what to do. Sue couldn't jump in herself, because she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to swim back with her dog. Luckily for Sue and BiBi, a sexy piece with a heart of gold happened to be on the pier. Raden ripped off his pants and jumped in the water to save her. Raden said, "It was pretty cold and windy, but it wasn't such a hard decision to jump in, it wasn't such a great feat. I'm a part-time model, so getting into my jocks isn't so different to what I do for work."

AND GET THIS, the part-time model was on the pier to spread his grandmother's ashes. I think my heart just beat for the first time in weeks! Seriously, the only way this story could get sappier (aka sweeter) is if Sue turned out to be Raden's grandmother's long-lost best friend from childhood who she was trying to find right before her death. They could make a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie out of this starring Milo Ventimiglia and Estelle Parsons. They can call it "Brought Together By BiBi."

The next time I'm in Victoria, Australia, I'm going to dress in a fluffy white dog costume, hold my nose and jump the hell in. Maybe a part-time in boxer briefs and ankle socks will come to my rescue.

And I love that in the 7th thumbnail below, Sue is busy giving a little sugar to the hot part-time model while BiBi is basically being choked to death. Priorities!

Richard "Renee" Ramsey, probably the oldest pepaw in all the land to get a sex change operation. You're never to old to get a vagina on you and Richard proved this back in June when he told his doctor that he was ready to trade his peen in for a punane. This is when Richard officially became Renee. And make sure you roll your "R" on that one, because Renee is an elegant lady.

77-year-old Renee, who is a 20-year Navy veteran, told the Philadelphia Inquirer that ever since she was a little boy she knew that she was a lady inside. Renee married twice and has four children, but she couldn't shake that feeling. No, I mean she literally tried to shake her peen off, but it didn't work. But now thanks to themagical hands of doctors Renee can finally become the sexy memaw she was meant to be. Renee said, "Now, the hardest thing I have to do is learn to be a lady. When I get angry at someone, I have to practice acting like a lady instead of sounding off like I used to do."

Oh, don't worry about that, Renee. Refined ladies of today handle their anger by hitting bitches in the mouth with their high heels or get revenge by sleeping with their man. Just make sure you do it with your pinky out. And curtsy afterwards!