Pete Doherty

Today is turning out to be a sexy day. First there was La Pequena naked in a dirty ass tub and now here's Dreamboat Doherty washing his privates. He does this about once a year. The bathroom probably smells like rotten bong water. And that contaminated water is going back into the London sewers for the rats to drink. There's going to be some fucked up rats roaming the streets looking for a hit.

The sweet pussy at the beginning of the clip is trying to speak to us with his eyes. He's saying, "Heeeeeelp meeeee..." Hopefully, sweet pussy ate that suspicious looking leaf-thing off the filthy carpet and now he's on cloud fucking nine, forgetting his troubles.

Below is another clip of Dreamy talking about.....hell if I know! I'm not fluent in crackie-talk!

Thanks Mari

One of Blaaake's cell mates told The Sun that he was offered $40,000 to beat the crack out of Dreamboat Doherty. Richard Lyttle said Blaaake was afraid that Wino and Dreamy were licking each other's butts after he saw a couple of pictures of them together.

Richard said, “We were sitting in my cell and he said, ‘If you get Doherty for me I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying, ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house. He knew the address. He said, ‘Amy’s obviously sleeping with him.’ He knew I used to be a doorman and knew some tough people. He said he wanted him smashed to pieces.”

When Richard was released from the chokey, Blaaake kept burning up his cell phone, begging him to beat down Dreamy. Richard finally reported him to the police, but they decided not to take any action.

If there wasn't a delicious box of Teddy Grahams in front of me asking to be devoured, I'd immediately paddle my ass over to England and scratch the meth out of Blaaake's face.

Blaaake is such a dumb dumb! If he really wanted to hit Dreamy where it hurts, he'd send over a baggie of coke spiked with vitamins and minerals. Dreamy would quickly go into a seizure. His body doesn't know how to handle anything remotely nutritious! Shit, I just gave Blaaake an idea.

Thanks Stoney

And not in the way he usually gets plastered! The Sun reports that Dreamboat spent hours in plaster for a new sculpture of himself. Dreamboat wants a marble statue of himself on a cross like Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is right! Dreamy will debut the work at his solo London show on July 12th. The minute that statue goes up, the earth will crumble and the angels will cry.

The work is meant to symbolize his crucifixion by the media. Dreamy's artist friend, Nick Reynolds, is the one who came up with the idea. Probably after a long night of playing spin the crack pipe. Nick will use the plaster cast of Dreamy to make the masterpiece.

When I first saw these pictures, I thought Dreamy was making a real doll of himself for my private enjoyment. I was going to throw out my Carrot Top real doll to make room for Dreamy's. Wishful thinking.

This is reason #345,769 why you shouldn't smoke crack! Methinks Dreamboat is going to receive a cease and desist from Jesus Christ himself.

This shit right here is hurtful and unnecessary! Some Scottish artiste who goes by the name Peter Howson, painted several pastels of a DEAD Dreamboat Doherty. DEAD! If he's dead, where is his halo and the 10,000 goddamned angels surrounding him? Peter also forgot to paint me screaming and crying over Dreamy's dead body. Epic FAIL!

Peter did the paintings as a warning of the dangers of drugs. Peter kitten, Dreamboat alive and walking around is a warning of the dangers of drugs. Have you seen him?

Peter said, "Me wanting to paint him dead was pointing the finger at him and saying 'You can influence a whole generation'. He could, if he wanted to, become the right kind of hero."

This is the first time Peter has painted a corpse. He painted a nude portrait of Madonna in 2002.

I'm going to pretend that Dreamy is sleeping and dreaming of me in the paintings above. He also looks like the missing 8th dwarf from Snow White. CRACKIE!

Visit Sky to see the rest of this trash!

Thanks Laura

Dreamboat Doherty used some of his crackie crash to buy a Kate Moss painting as well as a Wino painting last night in London. Metro claims Dreamy paid $10,000 for the paintings. That's a falsity! $10,000 in Monopoly money, maybe! Dreamboat himself isn't even worth $10,000! You can probably buy Dreamy for a half-used Bic lighter and a little heroin residue.

Dreamy said the painting were for his "art collection" at home. Please, you know that's where he hides the good shit.

It warms my coal heart to see that Dreamy still thinks of Kate. I'm sure she thinks of him too. She thinks of him every time she wipes her ass with her special Pete Doherty toilet paper.

Dreamboat Doherty was late for a gig at Brixton Mass last night, because he had to bury one of his kittens on the side of the road. Before Dreamy arrived, the audience was told he was running late and that one of his kittens had "gone crazy." Gulp. When Dreamy arrived, one of his friends was seen carrying one of his other cats in a pet carrier.

He finally got on stage and said, "Sorry I'm late. But considering I've had to bury one of my cats at the roadside I've done pretty well to be here."

Dreamy has already been taped giving one of his cats crack and he's also admitted to trying to kill one of his other cats after he had a bad batch of crack. The kitten just died on the way to the venue? It probably offed itself. It couldn't take the madness anymore.

Paging Annemarie Lucas! Somebody tell Annemarie from Animal Precinct that she's needed for an International mission in London.

Source

Dreamboat Doherty played in a celebrity soccer tournament over the weekend, but he was kicked out for pissing in a trophy! Awww......I love him.

You see, Dreamy was given access to the chairman's office so he could have some privacy and wouldn't get in the way. Dreamy decided to play a little prank, so he pissed in a trophy! A source told The Sun, “One of the security guards was tipped off that Pete was trying to take a trophy. When he checked it out he found that Pete wasn’t nicking it, he was filling it up. He is a huge QPR fan and thought it would be a laugh to leave a little surprise.”

I'm surprised Dreamboat didn't drink it up. His piss is probably 200 proof! You know that trophy melted into puddles of nothing.

Dreamy can piss in my trophy anytime, if I ain't being too subtle. I know, too early. Have another cup of Sanka, take a bong hit and then read that joke again.

Dreamboat Doherty's sperm works and his son, Astile, is proof of it. Dreamy brought his 4-year-old to the Annual Crackhead Charity Soccer Tournament yesterday. The money raised will help poor crackheads buy crack. No, but Dreamy did play in some celebrity charity soccer tournament.

Dreamy's son is pretty adorable and he's so fucking clean. I hope Astile's mommy flea-dipped him after he came home.

In other news, my allergies are kicking my ass today. I'm so sick of these ugly fucking allergies. They are so bad this year. I wish I had some of Dreamy's crack to set me straight. Anyway, I'm slow today, because I'm loaded up on Benadryl, Claritin and some other shit.

You might have not known this, but Dreamboat Doherty has a 5-year-old son with Lisa Moorish. Dreamboat reproduced. Scary. Lisa banned Dreamy from seeing their son, Astile, after she gave birth, because of Dreamy's problem with drugs. Dreamy claims he's 100% drug-free and wants to be a part of his son's life. Uh...huh...and I'm 100% cock free.

When Dreamy was released from prison, they gave him a certificate that said he was drug free. Please. You know he made that shit from diplomamakers.com.

A source told The Daily Mail, "Lisa kept Pete away from Astile because of his drug habit. But she cares very deeply for both of them and Lisa wants to believe that Pete really has kicked his habit so he can enjoy a real relationship with his son." Remember how Dreamy was videotaped giving crack to his cats? Yeah, I don't think it's such a good idea for him to be around his son....just yet. He would totally trade Astile in for a few baggies.

Below is pictures of drug-free Dreamy screaming at the paps before and after a gig last night. Oh and those crack lesions on his face have nothing to do with smoking crack, because he's 100% sober.

I would totally lick one of his crack lesions. Lord save me!

Earlier I posted a cracked out video of Wino and Dreamboat playing with kittens. Well, this one is worse. Sid & Nancy don't have anything on these two crackheads. They look like they are going to eat those baby mice! There was a time when I'd let Dreamboat finger bang my no-no area, but not anymore! Those fingers are fucking illegal. Wino and Dreamy look like crack zombies that just dug themselves out of their own graves.

This is like watching a trainwreck in slooooow motion.

Thanks Andrea