Pete Doherty

We're going to Paris! An exhibition of Dreamboat Doherty's art opened in Paris yesterday at the local Methadone Clinic. NO! It opened at the Chappe Gallery. Dreamy is a real artiste. The exhibition featured 30 paintings by Dreamy. Many of them were made using his own blood.

One painting is a tribute to Kate Moss, but it looks more like Jackie Stallone after a botched facelift. Dreamy has also signed his name in blood on several painting using his used needles.

The exhibition runs until May 11th. Dreamy won't be able to make it since he's sort of busy making grilled cheese sandwiches on the radiator in the chokey. A friend told NME that Dreamy is making the most out of his time in prison. Yeah, he's passing the time by shooting up. Time flies when you're getting high. The friend said, "He's being very positive about the whole situation, he's chomping at the bit to play festivals this summer. Just to strap his guitar on again and be the frontman in Babyshambles."

I need one of Dreamy's painting! Just touching one of his paintings will give me syphilis, but it's worth it. I wonder if he'd trade half an 8-ball for a painting. DUH!

Amy Wino was voted the "Ultimate Heroine" in a new poll of people under 25 conducted by Sky.com. Perhaps these kids have no idea what a heroine is. They think "heroine" means a super heroin user or something. Pete Doherty was also voted the second most popular hero, behind footballer Stephen Gerrard. Yup, they definitely think it has something to do with heroin.

Wino even placed above Princess Diana. A psychologist told NME that Wino topped the poll because she "seems to portray a certain sense of vulnerability or having had to fight against some adversity in their lives." Um...no..she seems to portray a crackhead. Straight up.

In other Wino news, she headbutted a dude outside of a bar last night. Awesome! A friend said Wino was aruging with some dude when she “got upset and lashed out, headbutting a guy hard in the face and also punched him." Her friends quickly rushed her back inside the bar. She came out later only to bump into a lamppost.

Has anyone checked Wino's pulse lately? I don't think the chick is alive. Seriously.

While Dreamboat Dohery's in the chokey, the landlord of his 9-bedroom mansion decided to pop in to his place to see how things were going. The landlord found the crack cave in typical Doherty condition. The walls, carpets and windows had blood on them. The joint also reeked from Dreamboat's 9 cats. What the hell does the landlord expect? You rent a house to Dreamboat and that's what you get. I would be more shocked if I strolled in and the place was pristine.

The Mirror reports that his landlord immediately evicted him after the visit.

A source said, "Pete is homeless, broke and owes thousands to dealers. He destroyed the place by scribbling on the walls, the floor, anywhere he felt like it. The beautiful heavy curtains were ripped down and the cats are just running around abandoned. It's a really pathetic state of affairs.."

Seriously, the landlord better burn the house down. That place is a toxic wasteland. I'm sure new diseases were born from Dreamboat's stale blood marinating into the carpet.

Dreamboat's life is in danger! Alert the A-Team, V.I.P and Cleopatra 2525! Dreamy needs their help.

The Sun reports that a plot to cripple his ass was thwarted by prison officials. He was told that chokey drug dealers want to hurt him, because he owes them money for heroin. Dreamboat has been getting the shit on credit and IOUs. Dealers are pissed, because he hasn't paid them a penny yet. And the bitch never will.

A source said that when Dreamy learned of the plot, he turned "white with fear." That's better than his usual shade of green.

Officials have moved him to a secure part of the prison. The source also said, “There are some very heavy people who have lost money and want to hurt him bad. They won’t kill him – but it will be a pan of boiling water job with sugar in it, to scar him good and proper.”

A pan of boiling water job with sugar in it? Sounds delicious! Like candy!

No, these aren't photos from Playgirl even though Dreamboat looks like a hot piece of mess. The Sun got a hold of these camera phone pics of Dreamboat Doherty in the chokey! He looks so.......bored.

Not only is he bored, but The Sun claims he's still doing heroin in the clink. His cellmate is a 28-year-old drug dealer and Dreamboat has been getting shit by begging for credit and writing IOUs. The "s" in IOUs stands for shit, because you know Dreamboat is not paying them back.

An inmate said, “We can’t believe how much he’s still clucking for it. They put him inside to force him to give up but Pete always has a need to feed his habit.” Dreamboat is currently on methadone to wean him off, but he's topping it off with some of the real stuff.

Dreamy has also became friends with some hefty, ex-streetfighter named Ray who is protecting him. Other inmates know he's getting a little white lady from the outside, so he's in danger. Ray is making sure nothing happens to him. Hmm...and how is Dreamy paying Ray back? He probably lets him lick at his feet. Ray sounds like a kinky mofo with a foot fetish.

It's a party in there for Dreamy. This bitch is never leaving. Drugs, free food and his own bodyguard who likes to suck on his toes? I made up the last part, but you know it's true. Dreamy is living the life!

Here's more pics of Dreamy looking fuck ass bored, brushing his crack teeth and waiting for his next dance with the white lady.

Dreamboat Doherty is finally living the good life.....in the chokey! The Sun reports that Pete has been given the star treatment in jail. Dreamboat is currently serving a 14-week sentence for missing drug tests and being a crackhead who can't quit.

Pete has been given his own cell with two mattresses. He's also been given extra bedding, a TV and a radio. He's been put in the segregation wing with high-risk whores.

A source said that Pete is basically getting whatever he wants. The things he has now takes regular inmates weeks to earn. The sourcie said, “He’s in the segregation unit because of who he is. It’s thought he could be vulnerable. He’s been put on enhanced privileges, which means he can have virtually what he wants, so that includes an extra mattress, TV and radio."

The source is a jealous bitch! If you ask me, Dreamboat should be serving his sentence at The Ritz-Carlton. He is an International treasure and should be treated this way. Seriously though, Dreamboat is living better in the chokey than he lives out of the chokey.

When it comes time to release him, he's going to look at the officer and say, "Naw, it's alright. I'm good."

Dreamboat Pete Doherty is currently sitting in the chokey, probably freaking out from the heroin shakes. He's also all alone and in dire need of a few friends. The Sun reports that his friends want nothing to do with him. This is the saddest story I have ever read.

Dreamboat's current ho, Irina Whatshername, contacted Kate Moss yesterday to tell her that Dreamy's in the clink for 14-weeks. Irina couldn't get a hold of her, so she called up one of Kate's friends. The friend told Irina, “She knows. She’s seen it on TV. She doesn’t care.” That cold hearted snagtooth!

When Amy Wino heards the news, she laughed about it. To be fair, Wino was most likely on her 10th blunt of the day. That might have been the reason why she had the chuckles. A source said, “She just laughed and kept saying, ‘I can’t believe it’. Pete’s just a comedy character to Amy. She thinks he’s a bit of a clown.” Not even Wino has love for Dreamboat Incarcerated.

Don't worry Dreamboat! I'll be the Wino to your Blaaaake! I'll miss visits with you, because I'm too busy crawling out of a K hole. I'll scream for your name in the streets. I'll profess my undying love for you during awards shows. Okay, it will be bingo at the Y, but Dreamy doesn't need to know that.

Seriously, a sad British crackhead is sadder than a sad lesbian clown. And that is SAD!

.....And tell me if hell has frozen over. Dreamboat Pete Doherty has been sentenced to 14 weeks in the chokey beginning immediately. That means he's in jail right now! WHAT? Dreamboat doesn't go to prison! Don't they know this?

Judge Davinder Lachar handed down the sentence, because Dreamboat didn't show up to his probation hearings and continued to use drugs.

Last October, he was given a suspended jail sentence for possession of illegal drugs and driving illegally. He was required to make regular visits to court for progress reports and take part in a drug rehab program. He was threatened that if he used drugs during this period, he could face up to 4 months in prison.

His spokeswhore told NME that they are looking to appeal. They should! Dreamboat is above the law! He doesn't go to prison.

FREE DREAMBOAT! Crack dealers will go out of business if he's not on the streets. The economy will tank even more. The Earth will crumble and we will all die!

Color me stunned! I thought Xuxa had it in the pussy bag. Speaking of Xuxa, she told a Brazilian newspaper that she's not sure what her position is on being called a "Hot Slut of the Week." She said she would watch to see what this does to her "image." Please. I'm sure doing a sex scene with a 13-year-old did wonders for her image. Anyway......

Pete Doherty managed rise above and beat Xuxa, Ramona Singer and Laura Bozzo to become Dlisted's Hot Slut of March! Petey couldn't make it to today's Hot Slut awards ceremony, so I will accept this bag of sugar on his behalf.

I also chose to not use a normal picture of Petey looking like a crusty, coke bugger tissue. Doesn't he look utterly lovely here? Even that black hole above Pete loves him so much that it just wants to suck him in.

Thanks to all who voted!

Thanks Luis for Xuxa tip!

Excuse my hyperventilating. Just ignore it. Tommy Girl is about to claim my beloved Pete Doherty! Somebody stick a dildo made from Prozac in Tommy's ass! That's the only way he will be destroyed.

The Sun reports that Pete is cuckoo over Scientology after meeting some dumb bitch Scientologist named DJ Nadine Ruddy. Pete has bought some books to study the alien word. A source said, “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it. He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in.”

NO! NO! NO! Who the hell is Tommy Girl going to take next? Phoebe Price? La Pequena? Soon, everyone I love will be staring at me with alien pupils, screaming about the evil demon known as psychology.

I need a time machine, so that I can bring Petey back to the day where he was a major crackhead and enjoying cracked out love with Kate Moss. It was beautiful times. Hey, it's better than Pete being in bed with Tommy Girl.