Boy George

When Boy George strolled out of the butt sex factory that is prison yesterday, bitch didn't have any eyebrows!!!! I was mad at his ass, because you should never walk out the door without your eyebrows on. Well, you also shouldn't walk out with hair on your b-hole, but the eyebrow thing is more important!

Boy could've made eyebrows happen by wiping another inmate's dirty sanchez above his eyes or something! Where there's a will, there's a way! Ask any cholita.

Thankfully, the minute Boy got home he took a purple Sharpie to that shit. Excuse his beauty! Boy is now ready to take on the world again. Hopefully, that doesn't involve whoopin' hookahs.

Boy George must have had a glittery gay ole' fucking time in the chokey, because he busted out today with no damn eyebrows on his face! Get thee some brows, STAT! Give this ho a Sharpie! And if that's not possible, give his ass some black eyeliner and a lighter (a cholita back-up). The butt sex must have been hot shit, because it fried his brows right off. And the visual just singed my own brows.

The Daily Mail says Boy George was released from prison today after only serving 4-months of his 15-month sentence for chaining a trick to his radiator. Boy left the joint looking slimmer and healthier. Boy is built to wreak more havoc upon the world! Naw. Bitch better come down and focus on getting those eyebrows back. Boy should also stay away from radiators, chains, the internets and male Norwegian ass peddlers.

Your gay prison fantasies starring Jack Tweed and Boy George have come true! Jack, who is Jade Goody's widower, is currently serving time at the same chokey Boy George is resting his mega nalgas in for beating that prosty. The two have come face to peen three times in the shower block at the prison. You have my permission to take off all your panties while reading this, because I know you want to.

The Sun says that Jack walked in on Boy George soaping himself up like a walrus rolling around in the sea foam. Jack was filled with so much desire that he ran off before his nutsack exploded. A source said, “Jack knew what Boy George was in jail for and didn’t want to take any chances. The first time he saw him he just turned white and legged it. Jack isn’t exactly the most comfortable person when it comes to getting attention from other men."

You know Jack's manhole started moaning like a cat getting q-tipped when he saw sexy ass Boy George standing there all nekkid-like. Picture it: Boy George's luscious Pillsbury Dough Boy body dripping wet. His massive man-chis basking in the fluorescent light. Who could blame Jack? He should just surrender to Boy George and become his bottom bitch.

What happens in the shower room at a men's prison, stays in the shower room at a men's prison. Oh and it also stays in your nightmares forever too.

A judge really ass fucked Boy George today without Crisco by sentencing him to 15 months in the clink for chaining and beating a hooker in April 2007. Georgie's family gasped when the shit was read because they were so shocked by the verdict.

The judge told him, “In my view there can be no doubt that your premeditated callous and humiliating handcuffing and detention of Mr Carlsen shocked, degraded and traumatized him. He was deprived of his liberty and human dignity without warning or proper explanation to him of its purpose, length or purported justification. You assaulted the victim of this offense whom you had invited into your home by handcuffing him to your bed and inflicting on him additional wholly gratuitous violence beyond that needed merely to secure physical restraint and detention.”

Let this be a lesson to you all! Get the bitch to sign a consent form before you chain them to your damn wall. But Georgie Porgie be fine on the inside. I don't know if they let them have chains and shit, but he can tie dudes up to his radiator using bed sheets and beat them with a homemade whip made out of torn pillowcases and a plastic toothbrush. And if that doesn't work, he can just whip them with one of his chins.

And the judge's description of the escort's ordeal sounds like a hot Saturday night for me.

Image: Pacific Coast News

No. It's gorgeous Boy Georgie Porgie, puddin', pie, cake, candy, ice cream, and anything else he can fit in his mouth hole!

I can't lie to myself. I'd let him hit it with a rusty chain while I'm tied to his radiator. I bet he smells like powdered donuts and turkey gravy. I kind of just want to nestle into his chins o'plenty. And his chichis probably rival Aretha Franklin's. Swooooon.

Here's BG leaving his house in London today to visit the ATM. You know what he's getting money for. I just hope the bitch he bought knows how to pick a lock with his tongue.

Boy George was convicted this morning in London for handcuffing an escort to his wall and then beating him down with a chain. Sounds like a regular Saturday night for me. Boy George should have just "renegotiated" with the escort before beating his ass. That was his first mistake.

The escort, Audun Carlsen, said he tried to escape after a naked photo shoot, but George whipped him with a chain and then kept him against his will. George's story was that Auden was trying to get intimate pictures of him off of his laptop and in doing so, fucked up his computer. George denied slapping Audun with a chain.

George also accused Auden of being HIV positive and that's where the bruises on his body came from. When Auden said that George had played his skin flute three months before the attack, George responded with, “I’d never have slept with someone who is HIV positive!"

George's lawyers also used the FAT BITCH defense. They claimed George had too much chunk to fight against Audun. His lawyer told the jury, “With the greatest of respect to George O’Dowd, he is not someone you could describe as terribly fit. He has put on a few pounds since the 1980s. He is not going to be a match for Audun Carlsen.”

Has George's lawyers not heard of sumo wrestlers? All George has to do is take a polite seat on Audun and it's game fucking over. Lights out. The end.

The judge told Boy George that he's probably going to go to jail, so he better get his asshole ready. Okay, he didn't say that last part, but it should be mandatory for a judge to say that before sentencing. I mean, his asshole might go through some traumatic shit (even for him), so it's best that he gives a little TLC before the shit hits the hole.

And someone really needs to turn this shit into a TV movie-of-the-week. Comedy gold! Benji Madden was born to play Boy George!

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It's official! Boy George has canceled his US tour, because George Bush does not like chunky British gays. George and his lawyers couldn't work shit out with the government over his Visa issue.

He said in a statement to E!, "I was really hoping that the issue would be resolved and that some kind soul at the U.S. Visa Office would realize that if the police in the U.K. placed no restrictions on my movements, that should have been good enough for them. "I am very sorry that I will not see all my American fans this year, but I wish them a happy and healthy Fourth of July. I include the Visa Office in those good wishes and realize they are doing a very difficult job and I just got unlucky."

George was denied a visa, because he's awaiting trial in London for allegedly chaining up a whore to his wall.

All the memaw fags hags and homos that were planning to buy tickets to see George, should take that money and use it to buy themselves a hooker. Chain that bitch to your radiator and then blast "I'll Tumble 4 Ya." That's what George would want.

And George needs new people, because they should have gotten Wonky McValtrex's douche boyfriend to put on a little make-up and take the stage as him. Not even the biggest BoyGeorgiealoonie would know the difference.

Boy George was supposed to play a bunch of dates in the U.S. this summer and now that's not going to happen thanks to the damn government! Those fun haters denied him a VISA because of his upcoming criminal trial in London this November. The t-shirt entrepreneur is on trial for chaining a hooker to the wall of his apartment.

George was supposed to start his tour in Aspen, CO on July 10th and finish in Dallas, TX on August 23rd. He was also going to play a special gig for the NY Department of Sanitation for being hot to him while he did his community service there a couple of years ago.

George is not happy about the news and told Paper, "There are a number of public figures who are openly using drugs and they have no problem with immigration and I have seriously turned my life around and I feel great right now and this is just another reminder of how bad things were. I committed a crime and I happily paid the consequences and I should be allowed to move on and get on with what I do best and that is performing and making people dance and cry!"

And by "public figures" he means Amy Wino. We're all friends here, I don't know why he's talking so secretively.

George's lawyers are currently trying to get the decision reversed. He should just write a letter promising not to chain up any of our American whores against their will and also promise to work the morning shift selling patriotic t-shirts in front of our Nation's Capitol.

VIA Gigwise

The Sun caught up with Boy George to see what he's been doing lately. Well, he's been selling $20 t-shirts, vests and other things at Spitalfields Market, East London. I guess that shit is like a swap meet. The items are all from his B-Rude label.

He told The Sun, “It’s been all right — quiet today though. I’m bored and cold but we have to do a Friday stall to get a pitch on Sunday.”

Damn, don't people save their money anymore?! Haven't they heard of a CD, savings account or a shoe box under the bed? Oh well, it's a fine living. If Boy ever gets bored of selling his wares at the market, he should come over here and star in a Vh1 reality show. Rock of Love needs a new bachelor. I would totally audition for that shit. Boy can chain me to a rusty radiator any day. I'll Tumble 4 Ya, George!

Cue music:

Thanks Natasha

Boy George pled not guilty to chaining down a hooker in court today. Boy George is accused of assaulting 28-year-old Norwegian escort Audun Carlsen and chaining him to a wall in his Shoreditch, East London home.

George gave his plea and confirmed he understood the terms of his bail. He will stand trial this November.

I'll tumble 4 ya, George! I believe George. Look at him. He doesn't have to chain anyone down. He's a hot piece of meat pie and any dude would be more than happy to have his tongue up their rump. Seriously though, it's time say goodbye to sex when you have to chain down a hooker to keep them there.

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