James Franco

James Franco is a considerate celebrity who knows that you've seen his face EVERYWHERE and so he's changing things up flashing his ass cheeks everywhere instead. (This is the place where you submit your re-worked "since when does his face and his ass look any different" joke.) James dropped his panties, brushed off the ricocheted air kisses he blows at his own ass in the mirror and cracked a sideways grin for Flaunt Magazine's cover. If it's safe for you to look at Michael Lohan's mug shot at work then it's probably safe for you to look at James Franco's SANS CHONIES ass, butt I put it behind a cut just in case. Get it!

Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Or just skip all the kites and strawberries and go straight to the (NSFWish) 1:55 mark. And after all that, I still just want to bead his bushy brows like a friendship pin.

Source: FoD via AE (Thanks Nat)

Three years ago, Page Six had a blind item about how a movie star in a big summer movie violently raped his ex-boyfriend. The blind item went on to allege that the movie star replaced his ex-boyfriend's rape kit with a $500,000 so the police wouldn't be notified. It was a blind item that made me want to temporary blind my vision and soothe my brain by dunking my head in a bowl full of kittens. There were a million guesses and even Gawker ran a poll which named James Franco as the likeliest suspect. Well, James Franco clutched his rosary beads over being branded as gay rapist and tells Playboy (via E! Online) that it's the opposite of true.

"Then Gawker picked that up and did this 'Gay Rapist' story that was so fucking offensive, because I have friends who have been raped. They did a very classy online reader's poll asking which actor who had a big movie out that summer had beaten up and raped his boyfriend and then paid him off so it wouldn't go to court.

My lawyer called them and said that it was completely untrue and to take it down. They said, 'Well, we're just reporting what the New York Post told us. If James wants to make a comment on our blog, we're happy to report it.' It was a choice. Either let this thing build and become bigger and bigger, or just let it go and let them be the petty scumbags that they are."

So there you go! James Franco is a performance artist, Oscar ruiner, bachelor degree hoarder, author, perfume model, pussy eater, and short film director, but he is definitely not a gay rapist. So when we call him the James of all trades one of those trades is not gay raping. Got it! Scratch that off his resume.

Jennifer Hudson is like my meth head ex-boyfriend's peen: Every time I see her, she looks skinnier and skinnier. But unlike my meth head ex-boyfriend's peen, JHud has no trouble standing erect without the help of a 2-hour hand job, a lot of coaching and a mess of Viagra. (I think).

JHud, who is putting out a weight-loss book soon (Chapter 1 - Become a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers. If that's not possible, smoke crack and bid adieu to all your ribs), nearly made her fingers kiss when she posed on the carpet at amfAR's Inspiration Gala in NYC last night. Ugh. When I put my hands around my waist, my fingers can barely see each other's tips because a hilly mound of bloat is blocking their view of each other. If Weigh Watchers had Cheetos nachos, Frosted Circus Animal Cookies and Coke Margaritas on their menu and gave complimentary lipo each week, I'd totally join! If JHud loses anymore weight, she'll win every single Verdine White look-alike contest and that's reason enough to be mad at her.

Here's more of JHud at last night's amfAR along with: Ke$hit (who gets a D- for her tuck game), Heidi Klum, James Franco, Lance Bass and a melting Victorian Vampire wax doll with an American History X extra.

James Franco's art installation, which will debut at the Venice Biennale next month, called Rebel has been described as a high art/pop culture mashed homage to James Dean. The L.A. Times says that Franco's art project features clips of motorcycle crashes, a little movie of him in the role of James Dean (which he already did in that TNT shit) and another clip of him paying tribute to the late Brad Renfro in a fucked up way that also pays tribute to the cutters of the world!

While the cameras rolled, Franco used a switchblade to carve Brad Renfro's name into his right arm. The pictures and video of this mess will be one of the show's permanent artworks.

Franco really should've carved "THIS BITCH" into his arm instead, because that's all I'm going to see when I see the Renfro scar on his arm. There are so many question marks humping my head over this shit. Did Franco know Brad Renfro on a for real level? Was he inspired by Marky Mark's character in Fear? Is this a commentary on young actors dying of heroin overdoses before their time? Did Franco bleed blood or bull shit when he cut into himself? Is he naked in this clip because that's an important factor in deciding whether or not I will buy a ticket to this when it comes to New York?

But then after asking myself all these questions, I realized this is James Franco we're talking about! There are no answers to his art! Or maybe Swiss Army sponsored his project and Franco needed to place their product somewhere.

Because James Franco's ultimate goal is to wallpaper his downstairs smoke room with a degree from every single university that exists on this planet today, he has enrolled and been accepted to the University of Houston. A University of Houston official confirms that they have opened their arms to James Franco who will work towards his doctorate degree in literature and creative writing. The program only accepts 20 out of around 400 applicants and the director says that he chooses students based on writing samples, recommendation letters and IMDB credits.

James Franco has an M.F.A. in creative writing from Columbia, is a Ph.D student in English at Yale and has just signed on to star in a movie with Winona Ryder, which he plans to shoot before he does Oz the Great and Powerful and acts on Broadway in Sweet Bird of Youth opposite Nicole Kidman. So because James Franco's schedule is as jam packed as my schedule is empty, he won't start classes at UH until next year. The director issued this statement of words to the media:

James Franco was scheduled to enter the PhD program in Literature and Creative Writing in Fall 2011, but he requested a deferral for an additional year, which the faculty granted, so he is now scheduled to begin doctoral work here in Fall 2012.

It takes me 3 days to finish a "Which She-Ra Character Are You?" quiz and this motherfucking diploma-holic is enrolled at a dozen universities and still finds the time to do movies and take cat naps with actual cats? Something in the milk is a donation check with at least 5 zeroes in 'em.

But I will remain UNIMPRESSED until James Franco proudly displays a degree he earned from DeVry (emphasis on the word "proudly").

via Chron (Thanks to Jane and everybody else who sent this in)

The coke-laced delusions of grandeur that constantly hard fuck the frontal lobes of Lindsay Lohan's brain worked up a serious sweat last night at Beauty & Essex in NYC! LiLo held court at a table of her trained head nodders and went on about how she's best friends with James Franco and will consider playing Glinda in the new Oz movie if her "best friend" is involved. HAHAHA. The shit that comes out of that crazy ho's mouth. Some ignis fatuus shit to the tenth degree.

It's sort of like if I held court at a table of no one at the Olive Garden and mouth farted about how I'm going to decorate the guest room in the charming Cape Cod beach house Anderson Cooper is going to buy for us after our wedding. I mean, I'm nuts, but I've never done that. (Note to the Olive Garden waiter side-eye-ing that sentence: You don't know what you saw! You lie! Shut your eyes! Shut your fingers! Just shut it!)

Page Six says that LiLo talked about playing Victoria Gotti even though it's not a done deal yet. LiLo then said she wants the female role in Oliver Stone's Savages and will consider playing Glinda in Oz: The Great and Powerful. LiLo kept the laughs going when she went on to say, "I'll only do the movie if I can work with [James Franco]. We're like best friends. We're hanging out later." FYI: Blake NotSoLively is in talks for both of the roles LiLo has her good eye on.

A source tells Page Six that the producers of Oz have never and will never consider LiLo for Glinda.

I would feel sorry for LiLo, but my emotions are currently occupied with other things: namely, laughing. I can totally picture White Oprah cold calling up the casting directors of high-profile projects to politely thank them for considering LiLo for the lead role, but unfortunately she's got too much on her plate at the moment: namely, coke.

James Franco continues to turn the art and cinema worlds upside down and on their faces (not really) with the avant garde creativity that pours out of his orifices and here's a still from another project that I'm sure historians will discuss at great length for years to come! James Franco Tweeted (Franco has since put his Twitter in a coffin) this picture from his short movie with Harmony Korine of him pushing out an "eh...whatever" while a group of nekkid ass nekkid bloodettes jump him in their gang, or something. You probably need a masters in art to understand this shit, so I'm not even going to try. If you want to see James Franco unimpressed by silver dollar pancake nipples, (NSFW) click here for the full shit.

Franco should've given us this kind of mess during the Oscars. It would've perked things up in more ways than one. Speaking of the Oscars, James talked to David Letterman in a show airing tomorrow about how both of them bombed harder than Jessica Simpson's ass after a Mexican buffet as Oscar hosts. Letterman admitted that he sucked and James responded with:

"They didn't say you were stoned. People said I was under the influence."

I love her (Anne Hathaway), but ... I think the Tasmanian Devil would look stoned standing next to Anne Hathaway. haven't watched it back. Maybe I had low energy. I honestly played those lines as well as I could."

I never dreamed of being, like, the best Oscar host ever. It was never on my list of things to do. It doesn’t mean I didn't care and it doesn't mean I didn't try, right?"

When you throw a "but" after "I love you," that's not love!

You know, if James wasn't stoned as hell, he should just say he was as stoned as all hell so that we don't think his suckiness was natural. When all else fails, blame it on the bong! I'm just going to choose to believe he was smoking the good shit out of a hallowed Oscar statue backstage. James should've given Anne a hit too.

Here's the performance artist and worst Oscar host ever struttin' through the airport in DC today.

After hearing about Bruce Vilanch and James Franco's MS Paint ball fight last night, I'm sure you wore out the steel in your bed springs from tossing and turning like you've got a circle of hemorrhoids around your hips. Well, kiss the bags under your eyes goodbye, because James and Bruce have made up! You can finally sleep now that you no longer have troubles in your world!

In case you accidentally filed this story into the back of the "don't care" bin, it all started when Bruce told a reporter at Vulture that he felt James Franco' "didn't get there" as co-host of the Oscars. James responded by Tweeting an MS Paint masterpiece portrait of him and Bruce Vilanch with some joke bubbles over and under their heads.

Well, it looks like Bruce made his key strokes pucker and blew an e-kiss at James. Bruce wrote an e-mail to James saying that the Vulture dude buried his comments in the shade and watched as they grew into a cuntshroom. Basically, Bruce claims he didn't mean it like that.

James took Bruce's e-mail and ejaculated out his apology using the last drops in his MS Paint tubes. It's love again!

And I'm not calling James Franco's artistic merits into question, but if he insists on using MS Paint, can he please stop using red and pank together! It's destroying me. The only time red and pank belong together is when one is a lip liner and the other is frosted lip gloss. That's it.

via HuffPo

Bruce Vilanch, who has been an Oscar writer since the beginning of time, had a few things to say about James Franco's hosting skills when Vulture asked him about this at the opening of Priscilla Queen of the Desert last night. Bruce said that even though they exchanged jokes and ideas via e-mail for a few weeks, James didn't show up for rehearsal until 3 days before the Oscars. Bruce blames James' flaccid performance on the fact that he's got a lot of balls in the air. I see what Bruce did there and I thank him for the image of James with a tea bag orgy over his head. But what Bruce really means is that James is busier than a top at a Scientology sauna.

The beautiful lesbian love child of Sally Jesse Raphael and Trash Heap went on:

"He has so many balls in the air, he didn't get to town till Thursday before the show on Sunday. And so we e-mailed a lot. But we had a lot of meetings. He had a bunch of people who were writing for him, and if it had been him alone, it would have been different. But it was him and Anne Hathaway, and they both had to be serviced. So there was a lot of communication beforehand. But he didn't get there.

I don't think he realized how big a deal it is to do it until he was actually confronted with it. I think he thought he would kind of ... I don't know what he thought. I thought maybe it was a performance-art prank, and then I realized he sincerely wanted to do it. But it's outside of those guys' comfort zones. The only people who know how to host those shows are people who get up onstage every night and say, 'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. A funny thing happened ... ' Or people like Bette [Midler] who get up and sing all night and tell stories.

No, he wasn't high. I was with him, and he wasn't high. And I asked him, 'Are you high, and can I have some?' And he said no to both."

James Franco responded by Tweeting the message, "Bruce, he let me down," followed by a link to this MS Paint mess above. So when you hurt James Franco's feelings, he pulls out his MS Paint palette and jizzes out a masterpiece! I'm sure the Whitney has already picked it up.