Good Shit

In the Daily Mirror today, they have an item about how friend to all Daniel Radcliffe got oral with a delicious paper penis filled with the good shit. And he swallowed. THIS IS NEWS.

While at a party in London, DanRad took several deep drags from a joint, which caused him to break out into a fit off non-stop giggles. DanRad was so deep in a green fog that he let some girl draw a stache on his face. A girl who witnessed DanRad's acts of stonery said this, "Daniel was laughing and seemed to find it funny. But he didn't really look like he knew what was going on. I was surprised by his behavior. He is a kids' favorite. I'm not sure what his fans will make of it. Daniel looked spaced out and away with the fairies. He didn't want us to recognize him. When I said he looked like that actor in Lord of the Rings [Elijah Wood], he got a bit funny and said, 'No, that's not me'. He looked pretty uncomfortable."

Before leaving, DanRad turned to the other partygoers and proclaimed, "I LOVE WEEEEEED!"

Laughing until you've got cotton mouth? Humping on gay ass fairies? Letting someone jizz on you with a Sharpie? Declaring your heart is full now that you've found your soulmate (weed)? Yup, that pretty much sums up my first time too. It sounds like Harry Potter got his weed cherry popped.

A few anti-drug campaigners are shaking their fists at 22-year-old Joss Stone after she told Star Magazine that weed is not a drug and that EVERYONE smokes it. If you have a baby at home, you better check on them, because they are probably smoking your stash in the bathroom. Tell them to get their own! Actually, does "everyone" include animals too, because my dog has been laughing at my dumb jokes lately. Anyway, here's what Joss had to say. She probably swallowed a bong right before she spoke:

"I smoke weed, but I don’t think it’s really a drug. It’s more of a herb. I don’t regret saying that at all. I think everyone smokes weed and people who say they don’t are lying! Weed has been given this evil stamp, but how is it dangerous? It’s going to make you laugh your arse off? You might go to sleep? I think alcohol is much more harmful. People beat the fuck out of each other on alcohol.

But I don’t smoke weed all day long. I live in Devon and hardly ever go to clubs. When I do, I’ll drink three or four beers then move on to a vodka. I don’t want to take all those horrible drugs. Although some sound fun, so I might dabble now and then!"

Come to think of it, Joss Stoner is right. Whenever I get a drop of booze on my tongue, I get the intense urge to kick a bitch in the butt bone or slap a trick in their teefs. I thought it was because I was a terrible person, but now I know it's due to the sweet nectar hitting my veins.

And the good shit never does that to me. Although, I think it caused me to put a tub of ice cream in the oven. It also might be the reason why I fell asleep with a peen on my forehead once.

Source: Daily Mail

Snoop Dogg, who I'm pretty sure is technically still married, got down with some greasy piece at the VIP Room in St. Tropez last night. You know, I don't blame Miss Crisco Hair for dry fucking on Snoop, because my nipples tingle for him. WELL, he kind of reminds me of Adrien Brody (No, I'm not still drunk...I think). It must be the Afghan Hound face. AND, you know Snoop's peen hole blows the good shit smoke. Snoop's dick is like a bong. So that's why that trick is getting up on that. IN THIS ECONOMY, you have to get your high anyway you can can!

Here's more pictures of Snoop partying with his puss o' the night and Usher last night. Also, is that Jon Gosselin in the third to the last thumbnail? Dude is always in it! Wherever there's available snatch, there's Jon!

Drink an entire cup of holy water to cleanse your organs, give them a pep talk and get on the next plane to Mexico, because the bad shit is legal there!!!!!! Sort of. The Mexican government made it legal for you to carry around small amounts of drugs for personal use only. They said they only did it to prevent evil cops from taking bribes from small-time dealers.

You can legally carry the following amounts of drugs in your Lisa Frank fannypack when you're trolling around Mexico: "The maximum amount of marijuana under the new law is 5 grams—the equivalent of about four joints. The limit is a half gram for cocaine, the equivalent of about 4 lines. For other drugs, the limits are 50 milligrams of heroin, 40 milligrams for methamphetamine and 0.015 milligrams for LSD."

In other news, 97% of Hollywood, the entire state of Florida, every person with the last name Lohan and half the bankers on Wall Street just moved to Mexico. ARRIBA!

Last week, Brad Pitt told Bill Maher that he put his pot smoking days behind him when he became a father to the child army. Well, Quentin Tarantino says otherwise!

Yesterday on The Howard Stern Show, Quentin told a little tale about how Saint Brad of the Good Doers gave him a sliver of hash when he was hanging out his house in France last year. Brad also likes to smoke his good shit "8th-grade-style," because when Quentin asked for a pipe, he was given a Coke can. Yes, one of the richest dudes around is smoking hash out of a Coke can. I'm sure if Brad asked, one of the twin messiahs could just touch that Coke can and turn it into a solid gold bong.

Why so lie-telly, Brad? Is dude afraid that if he sings to the world that he's a proud stoner everyone will think he's the next Amy Wino? Please, the crazed Brangaloonies would still worship him even if it's uncovered that he's running a hash factory in France. Hmmm...that would explain why he has so many kiddies.

And Brad should not only embrace his stoner-ness, but he should also demand that every Brangaloonie needs to smoke a bowl every once and a while. Seriously, maybe that will calm the crazy a bit.

Skip on over to TMZ to listen Quentin on Howard.

Cheech (short for CheeChees) Marin married his Russian girlfriend of 4 years Natasha Rubin in Malibu yesterday in front of 75 guests including Don Johnson and Geraldo Rivera (A MESS!!).

People says that the bride wore hemp, the guests threw buds at them while they exited the church and the cake was made out of 79 cent crunchy tacos from Taco Bell with Funyuns frosting.

This short news tidbit is just the excuse you need to put your lips on a joint and only let go to exhale. Repeat..cough...repeat....cough....repeat...cough..... It's how Cheech would want you to celebrate.

Here's a few stills from a video obtained by Inside Edition of the Gosselin children's possible future stepmother taking a hit from a bong and a pipe while not wearing pants. Hailey knows what's up. Whenever I'm getting read to get my bong on, I always take my pants off. Pants just get in the way of conducting business properly. And that doesn't really sound right. While my glitter hole weeps at the thought, read on....

This video isn't really shocking since Hailey Glassman and her not right brows were arrested a few years ago for marijuana possession. It's also not shocking, because she's 20-something and this is what a lot of them do. Sucking on a bong totally prepared Hailey for sucking the hot air out of Jon's ass.

Part of me thinks that Kate Gosselin and her possum hair are sharing a cup of Hazlenut International Coffee and laughing at this. The other part of me thinks that Hailey is on Kate's payroll. Thanks to Hailey, Jon's gone from sad nut-less victim to douchiest douche who ever douched. I mean, Kate's approval ratings are up!

No, not chicken cutlets and Mother's Circus Animal Cookies. Or Prince Hot Ginge's blazing dick bush and lucite. It's Mah Boo Anderson Cooper (in shorty sleeves nonetheless) and the good shit together in one place! If you put a dollop of my panty pudding under a microscope, it would look exactly like this clip!

Mah Boo traveled to Los Angeles to go weed shopping, but if he wants to learn about the sweet herb he should come on over here. I'll teach him that the fastest way to bliss is to smoke a bowl off my no-no. Don't fret about me getting third-degree burns in the ass. It's been through worse. Ask the fire department and the free clinic.

According to Congressman Steve Buyer of Indiana, smoking lettuce is just like smoking cigarettes. Why do I picture a strung out bunny and a whorey guinea pig sharing a lettuce joint in a back alley?

Good ole' Steve's theory got me thinking about smoking lettuce, so I decided to do some extensive research (aka a ten-second Google search) on the subject. I found this about iceberg lettuce:

When cut, the stems of lettuce plants ooze a milky juice whose appearance, taste, and smell are said to be similar to opium. Once dried, the substance is called lactucarium, or lettuce opium. Used by the ancient Egyptians, the stuff was listed in the Pharmacopeia of the United States of America as late as 1916. It can still be found in herbals and such, which describe it as a sedative and cough suppressant. Lettuce opium can be found in all lettuce species but is most commonly extracted from wild lettuce, Lactuca virosa.

Grab my salad spinner, we're going lettuce huntin'! Do you think you can flavor your lettuce joints with different kinds of dressing?

Don't be surprised if you see me on an episode of Intervention muttering to myself "fix fix gotta get my - lettuce - fix fix" while trolling the produce section of a grocery store.

And here's some pictures of Amy Wino in St. Lucia yesterday, because I'm sure she tries to smoke every single thing she comes in contact with.

This is the new torch for the 2010 Olympic Winter Games in Vancouver and it has some craving Rollitos and every item on the Taco Bell menu. The Star put it best: "All hail – or inhale – the 2010 Olympic Torch. Or, as it's jokingly known around Vancouver, the Olympic Toke."

The designer of the giant metal lit joint had this to say for himself, "Sure, it may look a little bit like a joint, but I can tell you that what they were going for was ergonomics, sleekness, modernity." Yeah. Uh huh. Keep blowing smoke in my face until I get a good buzz going.

I know what they were trying to do her. They were trying to woo dolphin god Michael Phelps with a promise that the good shit always blows through the streets of Vancouver. I just don't know which events he'd compete in? Bong sledding? Weed skating? Shake hockey? And where do I sign up?

I'm pretty sure this also means the opening ceremony is going to be one big HOT BOX party! Cover me completely and toke away!