Russell Crowe

We know for sure that the sword in Russell Crowe's hand will never be used to cut the skin hood off of his son's penis, because he thinks that shit is inhumane and wrong.

Foreskin was on Russell's mind yesterday when he let out a Twitter rant about his true feelings on circumcision. In the back of my mind, I've always wished that one day Russell Crowe would flame up over dick skin, but this isn't what I had in mind at all.

Russell's campaign to save every baby's foreskin started when one of his followers asked him if she should "circumstanced" her baby. I'm no expert on parenting, but if you're asking Russell Fucking Crowe for advice on circumcision, maybe you shouldn't be having a baby at all. Anyway, cut (not like that) to Russell:

Here's a life rule, if you can't spell it, don't do it.

Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin? Babies are perfect.

I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats, but stop cutting your babies.

I will always stand for the perfection of babies. I will always believe in God, not man's interpretation of what God requires. Last of it, if you feel it is your right to cut things off your babies please unfollow and fuck off; I'll take attentive parenting over barbarism.

The defender of baby foreskin woke up this morning with the thought of penis turtleneck still hovering above him and he apologized for offending his Jewish followers and friends.

I have a deep and abiding love for all people of all nationalities. I'm very sorry that I have said things on here that have caused distress. My personal beliefs aside I realize that some will interpret this debate as me mocking the rituals and traditions of others. I am very sorry.

Coming from someone who was circumcised, I can say that I don't remember a thing about it. I don't have sentimental recurring dreams where I waltz with the butchered corpse of my foreskin before softly weeping into its folds wishing that we were never cut apart those many years ago. Which sort of sucks, because I wish I was having that recurring dream.

Instead of offending Jews and their "tiny little hats," Russell should be addressing more important issues: like parents teaching their sons how to clean the dick right! So that when they grow up, they don't roof over the top of a ho's mouth with crusty spray cheese shingles.

Uncut or cut, you don't know how many times I've put my nose near a peen and inhaled nothing but curdled milk and cheese sweat. There seriously comes a time in every slut's life when they have to make the decision on whether or not they want peen fondue for dinner. Parents, don't let the future dick suckers of the world make that decision. Teach your kids early that Melting Pot dick is not the thing. Ever.

via UsWeekly

This isn't really the Robin Hood I know. Where's the singing mice? Where's the Bryan Adams song to serenade me until I can't hear anything anymore because my ears have filled with barf? Russell Crowe spent 8 weeks at Fat Camp listening to Dianne's annoying ass FOR THIS?! This is like an ad for the marines.

Ridley Scott just needed to take Gladiator, and use some CGI crap to replace Rome with a forest. There you go. Russell could've kept his place at the buffet and everybody would've been happy.

via Reel Movie News

Four years ago, if you trashed Russell Crowe, he would respond by turning your face into a dartboard and using a telephone as his dart. Well, Russell has grown up (insert fat fat fatty joke here) and handles things a little differently nowadays. Today, Russell will just make you beg for his forgiveness in between coughing up your lung and shitting out your stomach.

Earlier this week, Sydney's The Daily Telegraph farted on Russell for smoking and devouring tacos during a 13-mile bike ride with his trainer. The next morning, Annette Sharp, the columnist who gave Russell caca, received a call from a spokeswhore who said, "Get on your bike. Russell wants you to go riding with him. Are you ready to eat pie die?" When someone asks you if you're ready to die, you grab a shank and call the authorities. That's some Scream shit. But Annette decided to take Russell's challenge instead.

The two met the next morning along with Russell's assistant and a camera dude from the Telegraph. Russell took Annette on a 12-mile bike ride through Sydney. Even though Annette fell off her bike once, she managed to complete the ride. Afterwards, Annette and Russell had some ciggies and tacos. Russell didn't take the opportunity to whoop Annette's ass, instead he congratulated her on finishing his challenge and added, "Baz holds the record for being the worst cycling tourist we've ever taken for a ride. You are twice the man Baz Luhrmann is…on a bicycle. I don't know how you'd be on a film set."

When did Russell get so nice? Let's do the math! A chilled out Russell Crowe + a BBRC (big beautiful Russell Crowe) = HOOKED ON THE GOOD SHIT. Russell found peace inside a bong. His temper got smaller, but his ass got bigger. Makes sense.

Just for the record, I'd rather Russell beat me down with a phone than make me go on an ugly ass bike ride.

VIA E! Online

This is the first picture of Russell Crowe as Robin Hoody Hoo in Ridley Scott's new version which also stars Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian. The costumers deserve a wet nipple pinch for holding Russell's chunk down so he doesn't look like a hongray hog trying to escape out of a wool sack. I never thought I'd every say this again this lifetime, but I'd let Russell shoot an apple of my donut hole with his arrow. Shoot a peen arrow through my no-no hoooole...

It's also nice to see that Supercuts and L.A. Looks gel existed back in the oldey times.

VIA Coming Soon