Why Are You Doing This To Us?

Right before Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler, he was strolling around the venue with a bottle of Henny in one hand and his leased snatch in the other. Speaking of, Amber Rose was slowly being eaten alive by a python, but Kanye West only has eyes for himself so he didn't notice.

Well, bitches were saying that Kanye was drunker than Wino's nipples before and during the awards show. Surprisingly, Kanye didn't throw all the blame on Henny when he farted out this half-assed yet entertaining non-apology on his blog last night. Sorry, Kanye, the magic of the CAPS LOCK KEY can't even save you now. Here's a little drunk blogging courtesy of Gay Fish:

“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”

Good lord, I want to Fabreze that entire statement, because it reeeeeeks of Henny barf, microwaved bull shit, and Taylor Swift's tears (aww). You can tell this is every shade of NOT SINCERE, because he only used ten zillion exclamation points instead of ten zillion and one.

If your tongue will not be permanently attached to the TV screen for the True Blood season finale tonight, then grab a bong, bottle or both and suffer with me through the MTV VDAs. Hopefully, Courtney Love woke up from her daily coma and will attack everyone with a compact. EVERYONE. The drunkbonging fun starts at 9pm EST in the magical window below:

And so much for everything I ate today fully digesting, because it's all about to come pouring out of my ear, nose and mouth holes thanks to this picture of Jon Grosselin and Meth Brows doing a disgustingly horrific act together! This is a cruel act against humanity! Where is a rabid possum with a thirst for meth brows and douche dough when you need one?! We need to call our congressmen about this fuckery.

You know Jon and Methy only posed for Radar to shoot down the rumors that they are no longer bumping titties in between his Ed Hardy satin sheets. Okay, you two twats win. You're still together. We surrender. Now please don't ever do that shit again in public.

If you're feeling masochistic, you can go on over to Radar to see even more pictures. If I were you, I'd consult my physician before, because this shit will make you ill.

No, not a mother to a carton of Marlboro Reds. A mother to an actual living, breathing human baby creature thing. We. Are. Doooooomed.

Radar says that Katherine Hagel and her husband Josh Kelley are thisclose to adopting a 10-month-old baby from Korea. A source says they have been going through the adoption process for around 6-months and plan to have everything sorted out by this week. The baby girl's name is Nayleigh and Katherine plans to call her Leigh.

This is the same Katherine Hagel who bitched about working 17-hour days on the Grey's Anatomy set. How in nicotine jizz hell is she going to deal with a baby who screams, poops and slobbers 24-hours a day? Oh yeah, nannies. And when they're not around, she'll just stick a ciggie in baby's mouth. LIKE THIS!

And if Katherine Hagel is actually planning to travel to Korea to pick up her baby friend, can someone please mix-up her plane tickets and send her to North Korea instead. Hagel + Kim Jong-il = BFFs

18-year-old South African runner Caster Semenya (Or Castration Semen to those of us with the humor of a 10-year-old. YAY!) won the women's 800-meter last month in Berlin and had to basically put her vagina under a microscope to prove that she was born a female. The committee had reason to believe that Caster might have a case of the Lady GaGas. Well, Caster has decided to drag it up on the cover of South African magazine You, but said she only did it to have a little fun. And if you say otherwise, Caster will choke your ass with her Hulk-like claws.

Caster told the magazine, “I didn’t do this to prove a point but rather to have fun. I don’t give a damn what people say about me. I like me the way I am and who cares what other people say?”

I'll give Caster a pat on the peen...I mean....back for that! Let Caster have a little drag fun. But she does look like a Wayans brother dressing up like a Williams sister dressing up like the Joker for an In Living Color skit. Not the best look.

And if You Magazine is in the business of giving feminine makeovers, they should tackle Khloe Kardashian and Brooke Hogan. Those two dudes need it more than Caster!

VIA The Mirror

To say that Amy Wino has an addictive personality is an understatement. I mean, Wino gets the hongaries in a major way for crack, ice pops, horse hair, ballet slippers.....and Blaaaaake's peen (UGH). Wino and Blaaaake are officially divorced, but apparently she's not officially over his scab-covered limpy cock. And Wino's daddy has witnessed this. At least that's what a source tells The Sun.

Apparently, Wino's bodyguards told Mitch that Blaaake was in her bed. Mitch stormed upstairs and immediately threw the trash into the gutter. The source said, "Mitch hates the fact he's reappeared - it's making him ill. It'll force him into an early grave. Blake begged Mitch not to hit him when he chucked him out. Mitch was absolutely furious, he still is. He can't believe Blake has wormed his way back into his daughter's life. Just when she's starting to sort herself out, the man responsible for dragging her into the gutter is crawling back into her life. Mitch is praying history doesn't repeat itself."

I'm going to choose to believe that Wino is not injecting her poon with Blaaake's peen needle full-time. Like us, Wino is probably sick of her daddy blabbing to the press about her personal shit. She figured that the quickest way to shut him up is for him to catch her doing gross shit on Blaaaake. Because watching Wino and Blaaaaake bump fuck parts will make almost anybody go blind, deaf and mute! Obviously, it didn't work on Daddy Wino this time. Damn.

From the makers of Cocktomom, Cream Pie Orgy 3 and Your Mom's Hairy Pussy 5, comes (punned on purpose) the spoof porn Jon & Kate Fuck Eight. BESTIALITY SHIT!

This might be the wrongest wrong of the day. It's so wrong that it's right.

Devil Films, the sick hos behind this fuckery, had this to say about their soon-to-be epic masterpiece: “In our movie they go to marriage counseling and come out with the suggestion that maybe they should go out there and bang other people, so they do and then it turns out that after they sow their wild oats that they are meant to be together. It’ll probably be true to life. Right now with the timing of it—they’re on TV every three minutes—I think this movie is going to be huge.”

Jon & Kate Fuck Eight (that title will get you 10 million points during a Scrabble game in hell) stars Riley Evans as Kate and Frankie Young as Jon.

If you're into getting your nut on while watching a giant bag filled with lukewarm douchewater and an electrocuted possum wet hump on each other, then this sucioness is just for you! I'll pass since I like my porn without cunts. And I'm not talking about vaginas either.

Source: AVN.com via Buzzfeed

So, I was looking for pictures of LeAnn Rimes and her gayfaced husband Dean for some story about how he's best homegirls with Eddie Cibrian's wife now. Basically, Dean and Eddie's wife are bonding, because they both soon-to-be divorcee's, blah..blah... You can read the whole thing at UsWeekly. Anyway, while looking for pictures, I noticed that LeAnn and Dean are always attached at the head. They are either touching heads or practically touching heads. It's like they are Siamese Twins or constantly posing in a Sears Portrait Studio! Lori and Reba they are NOT!

Is it Dean's way of saying, "Oh, look! I don't like man chowder on my face, because I'm actually touching a female and not getting the dry heaves or squealing like a 2-year-old at Walmart"? You know the only way he's getting through it is to picture LeAnn's head as a giant dildo. And this is probably the closest LeAnn got to ever giving Dean head.

But now that they aren't together, how will they pose by themselves on the red carpet? Their heads will be lost! LeAnn's head is going to roll right off her body, because it will have nothing to lean on. Actually, that won't be such a bad thing.

When Jasmine Fiore was murdered and the now dead Ryan Jenkins was named as her alleged killer, Vh1 immediately liquefied Megan Wants a Millionaire and injected it into Daisy De La Hoya's face lips. Vh1 has no plans to ever air Megan Wants a Millionaire and I Love Money 3, because the rumor is that Ryan won both shows. But it's not over for Megan! The famewhore will always rise above! According to Radar Online, she's about to whore it up some more in another reality show for Vh1.

A source (aka Lily her chihuahua) said that after Vh1 canceled her show, they promised her another one if she kept her whore mouth shut about the Fiore murder. The source went on to say that we won't see a re-do of Megan Wants a Millionaire, because her new show won't focus on dating stuff. They haven't completely decided what kind of show it will be.

We all knew we would see Megan's stale dumpling face again. You can spray the Vh1 roaches with RAID and try to flatten them with your chankla, but they will always come back. Hopefully, Vh1 gives us what we really want to see: An entire reality show featuring Sharon Osbourne beating Megan's ass over and over and over and over again. Megan Wants A Beat Down!

UPDATE: According to Vh1, this story is false and they have not given Megan another show.

Everybody, please gather around, hold hands and bow your heads for Michelle Duggar's lady parts, because they are going to go through some fucked up traumatic shit for like the zillionth time! Jim Bob, Michelle and their massive neverending child army were on Today this morning where they announced that they are expecting baby #19!!!!! Yes, the baby addict is getting her fix again! BABEHS just keep popping out of that clown car vag!

The 42-year-old babyhead told Meredith Vieira, "We are so thrilled. We just couldn't believe it is happening." Jim Bob added, "This never gets old. We are so grateful for each child. We are looking forward to our first grand baby and our 19th child."

Never gets old?! Tell that to Michelle's uterus! That poor thing has been holding up a white flag since baby #10 and nobody is listening. When baby #19 is about to come somersaulting out, Michelle's uterus is going to grab on to its feet while screaming "TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" All it wants to do is to get out of that crazy bitch's body, head to the nearest crack house and drown its pain in the bad shit. Do you blame it? Even Ken Seeley from Intervention is shaking his head and saying, "Do you what you gotta do, Duggar Uterus."

Michelle added that she knows at her age there are certain risks (i.e. her pussy could fall off and throw itself into incoming traffic). Michelle says as far as she knows, her fetus is doing well. Michelle and the entire family would know! If they want to check on her fetus, they just have to pack a few granola bars, crawl into her vag, skip down her pussy tunnel toward her womb and wave to the fetus. Seriously, when Michelle is done being a human popcorn machine, she can open up a theme park in there. WOMBLAND!

Michelle and Jim Bob's oldest child, Joshua, is also expecting a baby friend this October with his wife. Michelle 3-months pregnant and is due in the spring.

In case you didn't know, all of the Duggars 18 children have names starting with the letter J. Michelle said that the family has already printed up a list of J names for boys and girls that they haven't used yet. How about "JUSTSTOPTHISFUCKERYALREADY Duggar"?

And here's a list of all of the Duggar children. While reading it, you might want to pet your vag and reassure it that you will never ever do this to it:

1. Joshua James, 21
2. Jane Marie, 19
3. John-David, 19
4. Jill Michelle, 18
5. Jessa Lauren, 16
6. Jinger Nicole, 15
7. Joseph Garrett, 14
8. Josiah Matthew, 13
9. Joy-Anna, 11
10. Jedidiah Robert, 10
11. Jeremiah Robert, 10
12. Jason Michael, 9
13. James Andrew, 8
14. Justin Samuel, 6
15. Jackson Levi, 5
16. Johanna Faith, 3
17. Jennifer Danielle, 2
18. Jordyn-Grace, 8 months

VIA Popeater