Trash

This is like taking crack from a crackwhore. The stripper Muppet from Rock of Love 2 got herself a gig at The Marlin seafood restaurant in New Jersey where kids eat free! Sunday might be lobster night, but Saturday is rotten fish night thanks to Daisy de la Hoya! Her dirty trout lips will fit right in and so will her natural stank! I swear, did she think this through?

Popwatch posted this amazing advertisement which came from one of the local papers. Daisy is some sort of musician, so I'm sure there will be plenty of whore yodeling during her "performance."

Below are some pictures of the fish house chanteuse assaulting inanimate objects in Florida last month.

According to InTouch Weekly, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are no longer licking each other's pussies. Miranda has apparently already picked herself up a rebound and his name is Greasy Bear aka Fat Elvis aka Brandon Davis. SUCIO! You would save money on lube by fucking Greasy Bear, but your dignity would never be the same. That's if you have dignity in the first place.

Miranda and Greasy Bear reportedly did fuckey fuckey times back in November but they both denied it. Recently, they were spotted "canoodling" at two clubs in NYC. Canoodling with Greasy Bear must be like taking a vaseline shower.

A witness said, "They were full on making out. They didn’t seem to care who saw." A source said that Miranda always goes to Greasy Bear when she has a fight with Orlando. Her spokesbitch denies she's split with Orlando.

I mean, how does one even start fucking Greasy Bear? Did she slip on his greasy puddle and accidentally land on his dick made of lard? I'm the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn't get with that. Ok.....I lie. I'd lick the tip, but just because I like the taste of Crisco.

Surprise, surprise. Bret Michaels and Rock of Love 2's winner, Ambre Lake, broke up. Like they were ever together. You know what this means? Yup, Rock of Love 3 will be back on Vh1 early next year. This kind of sucks, because the genital warts I caught from watching last season were just starting to clear up.

This time around Bret is filling his tour bus with a bunch of skanks and bringing them on the road with him. They will travel across the country with Bret on a month-long-tour. Most of the skanks will feel right at home since they probably grew up in a trailer.

Each time the tour bus stops in a new city, the whores will complete in challenges and one will be left off the bus. It will be called Rock of Love Bus.

This shit is not about finding love. This shit is about watching a bunch of chicken heads get drunk and do ho shit in their natural environment.

I will only watch this show if the sexy bitch on the right in the picture above is in it. Who am I fooling? I'm going to watch it anyway. I can't wait for the Waffle House challenge. You know there's going to be one.

Football star Cristiano Ronaldo, who is in Los Angeles on business, partied with some dude friends at Villa in Los Angeles last night. A solo Wonky McValtrex was also at the club and had her one good eye set on Cristiano the entire night.

The Daily Mail claims she sat next to him and tried to get with that shit. A witness said, "Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him. But Ronaldo clearly wasn't interested in Paris. He turned his back on her." I'm surprised she didn't start dry humping his back.

Leave it to that skank to prey on a man while he's injured! As far as I know, she's still titty fucking Boy George Benji Madden. I'm sure they are still together, but Wonky is the slut of all sluts. She makes Sienna Miller look like Mother Theresa.

Cristiano must have listened to customs when he arrived in the US. They tell everyone, "Welcome to the United States. Have a good trip and don't fuck Paris Hilton."

Here's Cristiano and Wonky out in LA last night.

Okay, he wasn't an actually a Power Ranger. He was an extra on "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" which makes this more pathetic. Skylar Deleon has been charged with allegedly murdering a couple at sea as part of a plot to steal their yacht. His wife has already been convicted to life in prison. He's currently awaiting trial.

29-year-old Skylar had to be hospitalized after he tried to cut off his dick in his prison cell in the mental ward. The Orange County Sheriff's department told the LA Times, "Somehow he got a hold of a razor blade and tried to saw off his penis, but didn't complete the job. We do know there was a lot of blood and it was quite a scene. But from what I know, he didn't finish his task, and maybe it was too painful and that made him stop."

Officials didn't say why he tried to cut his dick off. Maybe he was hungry? Seriously, I say that if you don't get it right the first time, try and try again! Don't be a failure! I'm sure if he needs a little help, Lord Zedd and Lorena Bobbitt would be happy to team up to help him out.

Thanks Ashley

Well, the dude who is playing Dubya in a movie got arrested.

Josh Brolin looks so calm and happy for a dude that was just busted in a drunken bar fight. Piece of trash! That bitch was arrested yesterday morning during a bar fight at the Stray Cat Bar in Shreveport, LA. Stray Cat Bar?! This shit is so cliche.

Jeffrey Wright was also busted along with 5 others. Josh, Jeffrey and the 5 crew members are in Shreveport filming "W" for Oliver Stone. Josh Brolin plays Dubya. You know he told the cops, "Bitches! I'm the President of the Motherfuckin' United States. Bow the fuck down!"

I'm sure Ellen Burstyn who plays Barbara Bush was also in the bar fight, but she did a lap dance for the cops and they let her go.

It all started when cops were called to the bar because one of the "W" crew members was causing a scene. They arrested him for public intoxiation and resisting arrest. Josh and Jeffrey stepped in and that's when things got a little wild. The cops had to call in for back up and they were arrested.

Josh and Jeffrey bailed out and are now back on the streets. Below are the mug shots of the others. Cherilyn Young's mug shot has made my morning. And Jeffrey Wright is totally thinking, "And what, motherfucker?!"

Has Katherine Heeeeeeigl's fat mouth finally caught up with her? According to Marc Malkin, the creator of Grey's Anatomy, Shonda Rhimes, wants the bitch dead! Well, she wants her character dead at least. Shonda is apparently still livid about Heigl's Emmy comments. In case you were drunk that day, Heigl did not submit herself for Emmy consideration because she felt she didn't have good material to work with.

A source said, "It's not good there. Shonda is pissed. They're thinking of killing her off. They want Izzie dead." Such beautiful words have never been spoken.

The feeling might be mutual. It's been rumored that Heigl wants out of her contract because she thinks she's A-list now. A for Awesomely Assholey.

They shouldn't kill the hag. Not just yet. They should slowly torture her by giving her the worst storylines ever. One week, Izzie develops a mental disorder that makes her bark like a dog instead of talking. She could bark throughout the whole episode. Another week, Izzie has chronic diarrhea and spends most of the episode shitting in her panties.

In her final episode, they should replace Katherine Heigl with Izzie the dog. That hot bitch needs a major comeback.

I've posted HoHan's new line of hooker leggings before, but I never knew what this bitch was charging.

I'd rather have scraped-up knees than spend 132 clams on those dick-sucking leggings. Besides, any experienced peen-sucka knows how to squat low and suck. That way you don't mess up your pretty little knees.

HoHan must have been high on some bad shit when she priced this skankness. Do these leggings come equipped with a crotch cooling system? Or maybe you get a baggie of Colombian sugar with every purchase? I mean, the cheapest thing in her line is a pair of $42 tacky ass leopard cankle-hiders. No.

Only a Hogan tramp would wear a swimsuit from Wal-mart with Sigourney Weaver's pants from "Working Girl." When are these twats going to realize that in this day and age only babies are allowed to wear high-waisted crap. If you can wipe your own ass without help from daddy then you have no business wearing this mess. Oh wait. Okay, Brooke has permission.

Here's more of Brooke looking like her mommy (and that's not a compliment) in NYC yesterday.

Did my nemesis CHERYL BURKE not get my message?! Bitch is not allowed to go outside during "Dancing with the Dumb Whores'" off-season! She's just fucking with me and I don't like it one bit. Look at her smiling at the camera and acting like everything is okay. Skank needs to cover up her deep fried Cinnabon ass and stay indoors!

I swear, this moppy-headed whore is putting me on the fast track to the looney bin. If she keeps it up, my friends and family will find me in the bathroom with glazed eyes, clutching a dirty mop head while muttering, "cherylburkecherylburke....cherylburke....cherylburke..."