Everyone Can Go Home Now

Ten years ago, I would've put a kitten in a headlock to see a movie starring Sheneneh Jenkins from Martin and Waaaaanda Waaaanda from In Living Color. But now that my dreams circa 1999 are coming true, I'm not sure whether to bust out a soul orgasm or shake my head like an abuelita who is about to attack. Oh, who am I fooling? My nipple mouths are singing, "Oh mah guuuuudniss." I've been waiting for this and I didn't even know it.

Variety (via Coming Soon) says that Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence will tuck and pucker up in Sheneneh and Wanda, a comedy starring the female characters they both developed during their stand-up days. Jamie Foxx will write the script. What's shocking is that this is not a Tyler Perry Production.

At the BET Awards, Sheneneh and Wanda joined forces to shoot a fake trailer for a movie called Skank Robbers (not based on Lindsay Lohan's life). The parody brought the laughs, so they decided to turn it into a full-length feature film.

And Skank Robbers could also go by the title "Eddie Murphy's favorite jack-off material."

Now we know where the wild things are! They're hiding in Mr. August's pits. And you know James Gandolfini is the voice for those hairy pit beasts. Moving on....

iCarly is a show for kids, tweens and pit lovers on Nickelodeon. I've never seen one episode, but after glancing at this calendar, I might have to get my Tivo on that shit. Apparently, iCarly's 26-year-old brother, Spencer, put together this calendar featuring European fun guys and a little boy in a tuxedo (???????). Yeah, I don't even know either. I've always had the feeling that the hos at Nickelodeon had the best kind of acid in their desk drawers, and now it's confirmed.

Disney better step up their whore game, because Nickelodeon is coming at them hard! Don't slime yourself now!

The producers of the UK's I'm A Celebrity....Get Me Out Of Here must have hacked into my brain area when it came time to cast this shit. By the way, it's not hard to hack into since the password is "1234" (just like LiLo!).

Britain's Daily Star (via IOL) says the producers are trying to round up Detective La Toya Jackson and Samantha Fox for the cast. Yes, two of the most talented and influential female stars of music (I'm not being sarcastic) sharing the screen together! This will be the greatest pairing since weed and Yo Gabba Gabba!

I mean, can you imagine them doing a jungle acoustic duet of a mash-up of Naughty Girls (Need Love To) and Bad Girl? SOUL EXPLOSION!

And since Toy Fox needs a live audience to witness their high levels of glamour, sources say Mitch Wino (Amy's famewhoring daddy), Tito Jackson, Brian McFadden, Brian Blessed and Nicola T are also in talks to join the cast.

British glitter bomb Patrick Wolf was playing a show in Germany when the mighty hands who control the PA system decided to quit his ass, because they wanted to go the hell home or something. Patrick wasn't about to be silenced, so he flipped the switch quickly and had himself a tantrum worthy of any 5-year-old girl who lost her dolly. Patrick started throwing mics, stands, spit and his dignity at the evil bitch who was trying to cut his tongue off. Don't fuck with a bitch in a onesie!

Eh. I throw the same kind of tantrum when my server goes down. Kirsty Alley also pulls this shit when the Sizzler cuts her off. And Jon Gosselin has been known to lose it like this when he can't find his favorite Ed Hardy thong. Etc.. etc....

And don't make fun of Patrick's throwing skills! I'm sure he's usually the catcher and not the pitcher.

Sasha Fierce's "Sweet Dreams" video hasn't even been out for 48 hours and the glittery gays of YouTube have already wrapped their honey baked hands all over it. It's a glitter revolution!

You might remember this buttery sweet Cinnabon roll from his earthquake-inducing performance back in May. Some of you may still be on the floor. Well, the bitch is back and he's taking it to the garage. Tyrone Jones is pulling out all the stops in this one from the ripple effect (which had me craving Cheddar & Sour Cream Lays) and the butter-churning grind. Why isn't this hot bitch in a Tyler Perry movie already?

I was also kind of hoping that the garage door opened to reveal his mom in a Camry screaming, "Get your gay ass out of the way! The El Pollo Loco is going to get cold!"

VIA Crunk + Disorderly