Trash

Gatecrasher is saying that Cameron Diaz might be rubbing her crusty pizza face all over Adam Levine's nalgas. Does this mean their Hollytard couple name is Camerooooon? You know, because he's in Maroon 5 and shit? No, how dare I use the name of Chantal Biya's precious homeland in the same paragraph as these two twats? Their couple name can simply be Two Dumb Whores. That works the best.

Anyway, some witness-types saw Pizza Face and Adam on a lunch date at Chateau Marmont the other. Cammy was bumping taints with Paul Sculfor (of Jennifer Aniston fame), but I guess she kicked his peen to the gutter and moved on to Adam. This would be the second ex of Jessica Simpson that Cammy is fucking on. The first being John Mayer. That means Tony Romo better keep Biore pads and Palmolive in his bathroom cabinet, because Cammy is coming his way any minute now.

Victoria GAUDY's Long Island mafia castle is going into foreclosure, because her raggedy ass owes $650,000. The Gottis lived in the mansion during filming of Growing Up Gotti. The New York Daily News says that Victoria hasn't made one single payment to Chase in over two years. The six-acre property is listed at $3 million, marked down from $4 million. The bodies buried in the backyard are included!

Victoria blames the whole thing on her ex-husband, Carmine Agnello. She said that he took a $856,000 loan against the house with her knowing about it. Victoria went on to yap, "I won a house that was a booby prize riddled with debt."

This mess would've been easily averted! The Gottis should've stopped using hairspray, bronzer, fake tan diarrhea, peroxide and lip gloss for one week and they would've have enough money saved to pay off the damn bank! I almost added "eyebrow waxing" to that list, but that should always be priority #1!

Every year, Heidi Klum and Seal renew their vows, because they are full of love....and themselves....and money. So why not, I guess? Usually, they go down to Mexico, but because the pigs are coughing on everyone and giving them the shits, they opted not to. Instead they threw themselves a "white trash" themed party at a friend's beach house in Malibu. You know, because she's knocked up, so they thought it would be heeeee-larious. That is RACIST towards Brit Brit!!! And seriously, if they were going to do this shit, they should've done it right and hired Our Lady of Cheetos as their wedding coordinator.

I mean, Heidi Klum braided her hair, Seal wore a mullet wig, an Elvis impersonator presided over the ceremony and they decorated the joint with pink flamingos. What the fuck kind of white trash wedding is this?! Where's the screaming naked baby on the arm of the bride? Where's the possum on a barbie? Where's the PURPLE DRANK? Where's the mattress surfing? Where's the bouquet made out of Natty Ice cans? This is just a bunch of rich hos trying to do it Spears-style and failing!

Here's more pictures from this bunk ass affair including some of Debra Messing who I think got confused and thought it was a BLOODS themed wedding.

I know you barely slept one wink last night, because you had the worries in a bad way after hearing that Daisy de la Whora might have overdosed. You can breathe easy (you better turn your head and breath, because you might catch something from this pic) now, because the skanky Muppet didn't overdose! Daisy was just tired. Yes, tired. Tired of what exactly? Tired of being a low-down dirty slutwhoreskanktrickho? Taking your mouth from a dirty dick to a dirty bong to a dirty booze bottle all day isn't tiring. I should know.

Daisy's rep/dealer/pimp cleared up (wish I could say the same about those warts on her coozie) the rumors to E!, "Daisy was taken to the ER early this morning suffering from delirium as a result of exhaustion. here was no overdose. She is fine this evening and resting comfortably."

Can you believe she played the "exhaustion" card? She doesn't have the right. Chyna's mutant peen-clit is more famous than Daisy!

Bitch is delirious because the collagen in her lips seeped into her brains.

I realize David Walliams is a mega manskank who sniffs at any coochie that wiggles, but Mischa Barton?! Mischa Barton?! Bitch looks like she would give a rat a handjob if it was carrying some of the bad shit. What's even more embarrassing is that David apparently got SHUT DOWN by Mischa. The Mirror says that at a party in London the other night, David was wagging his tail at Mischa, but she was not falling for the bait. A source-type said, "David was surrounded by women and chatted up six of them. Mischa was one of his earliest targets but he didn't get very far. She kept staring at her phone, almost willing it to ring so she could escape. In the end she had to tell him she had a boyfriend. David took it in good spirits and escorted her from the party."

Getting turned down by Mischa "I fuck for roles" Barton has to be the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened to David Walliams. This is a sign! A sign that he needs to stick his wang in a bowl of ice and then put it in the corner indefinitely. It is not doing him right!

If you're a married semi-celebwhore and you want to get some coochie on the side without your wifey finding out about it, do a background check on your possible whore first. Make sure she doesn't have any skeezy ass friends or relatives that will sell her ass out in a quick minute for a dollar. Because stupid ass Jon Gosselin might not be in this situation if he did that first. He picked a real winner in Deanna Hummel.

Not only did her brother yap about her business to UsWeekly, but now her ex-husband is trying to get a piece. Deanna's ex created a website using her name for the sole purpose of selling some fuck tape he made with her back in the day. Here's what he has to say:

Hello world! This is a site owned by one of Deanna Hummel's ex-boyfriends.

When I read the news about her alleged affair with Jon Gosselin from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I have to say I wasn't surprised.

The Deanna I knew wasn't above cheating, even with married men, hence our eventual breakup. During our time together we made a secret amateur sex tape. It wasn't a hidden cam or anything, she was totally aware of the fact that I was taping. This has never been available to the public before. And it still isn't...yet! But I am shopping this tape and am currently in negotiations with sites like porn.com about selling it.

If anyone is interested in making me an offer, please email me at sextape@deannahummel.com

Hello World, does he think anybody will offer him more than an expired KFC Grilled Chicken coupon for this shit? The dick bag also has screen shots on the website and I am not impressed. They weren't even trying to make a tape worth watching! That skank still has half of her teacher's outfit on! That is my pet peeve right there. If you're doing sexy times in a bed, take off all your damn clothes. Even the socks. I can understand if you're busting a quickie in a church bathroom or under a highway overpass, but not if you're in a bed! Put some effort into it. Sex tape FAIL.

UPDATE: So, this shit is probably fake. (NSFW) Click here to see the video the screencaps were taken from. I'm not sure if that's Deanna or not, but I doubt it now. The cum shot at the end is truly amateur hour. (Thanks Peter)

If I was kissing my dad on the check and opened up my eyes to see a carbon copy of me looking back at me, I'd immediately run my ass to the bathroom and recreate the scene from The Legend of Billie Jean where she chops all her hair off in the mirror all emotional-like. Then I'd dip my head in a bowl of black RIT dye and take the next catamaran to a faraway land where no Hogans exist. I'm for serious. Look at Brooke Hogan and her daddy's girlfriend! Yes, one has 50% more non-biodegradable materials in her tittay area, but they could still be twinsies. It's not right and it's not okay.

And you know Hulk isn't the only thing looking up and thanking the lord for this magical moment. Yesh, his one-eyed wang said a "thank you prayer" before it barfed into Hulk's panties. WHY?! Keep this shit under lock and key.

Here's the "always good for the creeps" Hogans at Brooke's 10th annual 21st birthday party at Pure in Las Vegas last night.

On the Celebrity Apprentice a couple of weeks ago, Joan Rivers declared to Annie Duke that "pokah playas are beyond white trash." Joan probably got a million e-mails from pokah playas threatening to put her face under a heat lamp, because now she's saying she didn't mean ALL pokah playas. Just Annie.

Joan, who also called Annie a Nazi, tells Page Six, "Oh, calm down! I said it about one person. How can I hate poker players? Did you ever look at the cards? Everyone knows I love queens. Poker playing is a very noble profession. A little-known fact is Florence Nightingale had to choose between nursing and cards."

Yish, they definitely threatened to knock her face off and hand it to her. It wouldn't be hard, you would just have to scare and POP goes her face. Joan definitely said "POKAH PLAYAS." Plural.

I just hope she delivers more shiny gems like that on the season finale. And I highly recommend watching this show with your bong. Whenever Joan's face pops up on the screen, for a quick second my brain thinks it's watching an old episode of The Thunderbirds and it makes me kind of happy.

Hulk Hogan said this to Rolling Stone: "I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

Linda Hogan has taken that statement, blended it down, rolled it into a tube, dipped it in plastic, let it dry for 48-hours and is now using it to fuck Hulk where it counts: in the wallet. Linda filed papers in court requesting a flat fee of $24,000 AND $8,200 more a month so that she can move to California to get away from Hulk. You know, because she thinks he might pull an OJ on her.

If Hulk doesn't give her more money, Linda will file a domestic violence injunction against him.

Just because Linda looks like a male pot-bellied pig dressed in drag as Hatchet-Face from Cry-Baby, doesn't mean she has chicharrones for brains. Linda probably wanted to move to Los Angeles anyway, so she used Hulk's words as a way to get there without dipping into her own purse (which he funds). Get that money, tranny! And when you do, use some of that money to get a mother/daughter peen snip with Brooke.

....and that someone is also holding the master key to Solange's basement door. Daddy Knowles step up to the podium and take your bow! Thanks to your furious buying of every available movie ticket to Obsessed, Beyonce's shit flick was #1 at the box office with $28.5 million in sales! That shit is nothing but a drop in the basement for the Knowles family. Daddy Knowles just took it out of Beyonce's monthly wig allowance.

Obsessed is the seventh-best opening ever for the month of April.

If you ask me, it would've done better if they would've gone with their original title OH NO SHE DIDN'T. I am not lie-telling, that really was the original title and it makes more sense. I am ashamed to admit that I dropped down 12 dollars to see this wreck yesterday. I didn't even sneak in. I paid actual money! If I wasn't flying high on a green cloud, I would've walked out of that mess and straight into Fighting to see some half-nekkid Carol Channing Tatum or whatever the hell his name is.

If you're planning to see Beyonce's ode to caca, then I suggest you slide in 20-minutes before the movie ends. That's when the catfight scene goes down and it's the only semi-entertaining part of that shit. Mostly because you'll sit there wondering why Beyonce's weave isn't flying across the room after Ali Larter is yanking on it. It's impressive. They probably kept it down with "I'll Show You KRAZY Glue." Beyonce should market that shit.

Here's how the rest of the weekend's box office went down:
1. Obsessed - $28.5 million
2. 17 Again - $11.7 million
3. Fighting - $11.4 million
4. The Soloist - $9.7 million
5. Earth - $8.5 million
6. Monster Vs. Aliens - $8.5 million
7. State of Play - $6.9 million
8. Hannah Montana - $6.4 million
9. Fast and Furious - $6.1 million
10. Crank: High Voltage - $2.4 million

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