Crackheads

I've watched at least 200 hours of "Cops" and I laugh every time a crackhead gets caught with some junk and says, "Oh, that shit ain't mine." They always say that shit. So it doesn't surprise me to hear that Gary Dourdan claims the drugs he got caught with didn't belong to him.

Gary was arrested for drug possession earlier this week in Palm Springs after cops found him asleep in his car. His car was parked on the wrong side of the road. They searched his car and found cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and some prescription dolls. Oh my!

Gary told Access Hollywood that he was coming back from the Coachella musical festival and he was a little drunk, so he pulled over to sleep. He went on to say, "I am blessed that the Sgt. realized that the luggage carrying whatever they found was not mine and that my tests have been coming back negative. I've been happy to cooperate in any way to clear myself and go on with my blessed life."

He apologized to his young fans and said, "I am planning events to get the word out that you don’t need a bunch of nasty chemicals to have a good time. Just good friends, family, good music and a good honest spirit full of faith."

You don't need nasty chemicals to have a good time? Since when?!

And of course those bad drugs didn't belong to Gary! The evil crack elf has struck again! I'm talking about the Olsens of course. That's why they disappear for days at a time. They are busy planting evil drugs on the innocent.

VIA UsWeekly

Gary Dourdan of "CSI" was arrested in Palm Springs yesterday on suspicion of possessing heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs. TMZ reports that the cops found him asleep in his car at 5:21 in the morning. He was taken to a Palm Springs jail where he later posted $5,000 bail and was released.

Gary is set to leave "CSI" after this season. Working on the show must have been getting in the way of his partying.

All those drugs and no one to party with? He probably couldn't afford the couple of tranny hookers he ordered earlier.

Gary's mug shot is making me feel his pain. The bitch needs a few Airbornes and a cold shower. I can smell his coke breath from here.

Expect a rehab announcement in 3...2.....

Where do I sign up to become Courtney Love's newest BFF? She should copy Wonky and get herself a reality show where she looks for a new BFF. It would bring out the major crackheads looking for a fix, because Court has the goods. She left a London club last night with a bag full of dolls. DOLL! GIMME! I could only make out one of the bottles and it's Adderall. Of course. The woman probably douches with Adderall. Silly me, she doesn't wash.

Court also sported a dirty ass finger. It looks like she just stuck it up the ass of a dehydrated person. I say a dehydrated person, because her finger looks a little yellow. It's probably just a minor case of crack finger.

Blaaaake has begged Amy Wino to give him heroin money while he's in the slammer. Blaaake has already been using Wino's autographed pictures to trade for baggies, but it looks like that trick isn't working anymore. The Sun reports that he has asked Wino to deposit money into the bank account of another con, so that he can get his fix.

An inside source at the prison said, “Blake’s addiction is just as bad as ever and he’s bragging about how he’s been asking Amy to help him get a fix. He showed us the bank details of a known dealer inside Pentonville and said he’d asked Amy to make regular wire transfers to this guy in exchange for heroin.

“Apparently he wanted each transfer to end in a single pound, so the dealer would know who the money came from.”

The asking price is 4 times the street value. The clink's head of security has apparently sent a letter to Blaaake's lawyers, “There is strong and supported intelligence he is involved in attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison.”

Blaaake needs some fucking dignity. Stop asking your woman for money and handle it like a real man. That means he needs to get on his knees and suck that dick for his fix. Suckey for a little fixey. Have some self-respect for yourself! Spread that ass if you need to, but stop asking for a handout.

Steve-O has left the looney bin and is now in rehab seeking treatment. He has taken to his MySpace to write a long ass blog about how he got into booze and drugs. They have computers in rehab? They didn't have computers on "Celebrity Rehab!" This must be the special kind of rehab where you can check your e-mail and do drugs in the bathroom. Steve-O's post is longer than Paris Hilton's hook nose, but here's some of it:

"I know I was always powerless over alcoholism, because it had such a grip on Mom's adulthood and my childhood, and I never chose to fight it."

"We were frequently on airplanes and, before Mom and Dad would find themselves in the embarrassing position of being caught by other passengers with a crying baby, I was fed alcohol. Obviously I don’t have recollections from the time when I was a baby, so this account is pieced together from vague memories of being told stories that are
similar or exactly the same. Mom’s alcoholism truly reared its ugly head when I was eight and nine years old, it was in 1983 that she lied to the family about having lymph node cancer so that she would have an explanation for staying in bed drunk at all hours."

"I can’t believe I just called out my own dead Mom for what’s surely the worst
lie she ever told. I also can’t believe I ever picked up my first drink on my own after the way alcohol ruined her life. God, I miss my Mom."

"All you fucking things are good for is dying. I’m not ready to die. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to breathe (properly, even). I’m ready to fall in love. I’m ready
to become ready to start a family. I’m ready to be happy, fulfilled and meaningful. Maybe I’ll see you fukkers if and/or when I’m ready to die."

Rehab really does bring out the deep shit in you. Here I thought rehab was just a place to meet hot dudes and have sex in the storage room. It sounds like he's working the steps by writing on MySpace. How fucking...douchey? Hopefully, he will get well, get married, get the 3-bedroom house with the white picket fence and completely disappear. My only advice to Steve-O is to move out of Hollywood.

Giving booze to babies is ok as long as it's top shelf bourbon with a little leche. Joooooooking. My uncle used to give him Tecate all the time when I was a child. That explains a lot.

Thanks to YouTube and digital video cameras, any crackhead can post videos of them acting cokey. This video of Steve-O got posted up to his YouTube account yesterday. Steve-O is currently in the crazy house after he reportedly threatened to off himself. The video was taken shortly after he was released from jail a little while ago. I didn't get through the whole video, because it felt like I was falling through a k-hole. I usually save my ketamine binges for after noon.

Hopefully, he'll get off the coke and spend his drug money on fixing up that apartment. Sorry, I'm a total design homo. I had a hard time paying attention to him, because I was too busy thinking of ways I could fix up his crib.

Source: ONTD

In case you missed it! Yesterday, The Sun posted this video of a creepy gnome freaking out a town in the province of Salta in Argentina. A group of Argentinean teenagers were shooting the shit, talking about Evita or whatever the hell they talk about when they saw a little coned creature in the distance. The creature approached and the dudes started flipping out. They caught it all on camera.

One of the teenagers told their local paper, "We were chatting about our last fishing trip. It was one in the morning. I began to film a bit with my mobile phone while the others were chatting and joking. Suddenly we heard something - a weird noise as if someone was throwing stones. We looked to one side and saw that the grass was moving. To begin with we thought it was a dog but when we saw this gnome-like figure begin to emerge we were really afraid."

The teenager said that they are all really freaked out and can't leave their houses. One of the boys even went to the hospital. HA! "Doctor.....doctor....a gnome....he....was going to kill me!!!" The doctor probably turned the nurse and said, "LSD OD! Get the charcoal."

Now that I think about it, that's not La Pequena. She's way too busy traveling the world as an International superstar. I'm just going to take a guess and say Ashton Kutcher has taken his pranking global. He probably made one of the Willis fugs wear a traffic cone and dance a jig into the night.

Thanks M.E.

Hugh Laurie has played with a little Vicodin in the past, because he wanted to understand what his character on "House" goes through. Those nutso actors. Hugh's character on the show is addicted to the lovely V drug.

Hugh said, “I wouldn’t recommend it — we have to be careful. But then again … if you’re not in pain it gives a floaty, pleasurable feeling.” I'd fucking recommend it. Vicodin: Itt's what for dinner. Vicodin is fine as long as you take it with champagne and on an empty stomach. You might go into violent convulsions and possibly fall into a coma, but it's worth it. There's not like dancing on the vicodin cloud. I'm not a crackhead...I...swear...

Hugh also talked about watching himself on TV, "I don’t watch regularly. I avert my eyes when my children have it on. I hate seeing myself, but it’s even worse hearing my American accent … I had no idea I sound so retarded, a dull monotone, full of clunking mistakes.” Neurotic much? Have another Vicodin!

And because we're on the topic of Hugh, here's what he said about moving to Los Angeles, “I have this vague feeling that the moment I’m comfortable with my place in the world there’ll be retribution. That’s one reason I didn’t want my family to live here. The moment we put down roots the whole thing will be called off.” Jeeez. He needs to chill. Take two Vicodins before each bowel movement, Hugh.

Source

Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis was arrested over the weekend for being caught with an illegal substance. TMZ reports that the substance was in fact cocaine. He was arrested Friday night and released on $10,000 bail Saturday. He's due back in court March 10th.

He probably cuts his coke with lard and cheese fries. I think I need a few lines of lard laced cocaine after looking at his picture.

Keith Richards has some advice for Amy Winehouse. Keith told reporters at the Berlin Film Festival, "She should get her act together. Apart from that, I have got nothing to say to the bitch."

I think Keith is talking to the sober Wino now that she's in rehab. When Keith says "get your act together" that means get back on drugs. Doing drugs is the Richards way!

I mean this is coming from a man who said he snorted his daddy's ashes with cocaine, but later denied it and said he snorted his daddy's ashes without the cocaine mixed in. It's like taking parenting advice from Michael Jackson.

Image: Wenn