African Orphans

Remember Caster Semenya? She's the champion runner from South Africa who gave your silly ass the giggles because she has semen all over her last name? Caster is also the runner who had everyone and their cousin sticking their nostrils in her crotch, because there were rumors that she has a peen instead of a poon. Back in November, a source said that after several highly scientific tests were conducted (Note: Basically, they just compared her genitals to Khloe Kardashian's) to determine Caster's official gender, they discovered that she has both dude and lady parts. Specially, they said that Caster has two internal testicles. That's two more testicles than Jon Gosselin has.

At the time, the source also said that the International Association of Athletics Federations would meet to decide whether or not Caster should be allowed to compete again. Well, there's good news for Caster, because they have ruled that she can return to the track starting right now. They also said that Caster is a woman by their standards. Cut to Brooke Hogan giving Caster the nastiest stank eye, because she's been waiting all her life for someone to say that about her.

Here's the IAAF's official statement:

"The process initiated in 2009 in the case of Caster Semenya has now been completed. The IAAF accepts the conclusion of a panel of medical experts that she can compete with immediate effect. Please note that the medical details of the case remain confidential and the IAAF will make no further comment on the matter."

This whole thing has been such bullshit. Yes, Caster has the abs of a He-Man doll, but so does Jillian Michaels and is anybody accusing her of being a dude? Okay, bad example, let me try again. Yes, Caster has the biceps of a ripped pit bull, but so does Sheree from The Real Housewives of Atlanta and is anybody accusing her of being a dude? Shit. Another bad example. I'm totally not helping Caster's cause.

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After eating their breakfast of deep fried money, three judges in Malawi shuffled into court this morning and granted Vadge's adoption of 3-year-old Mercy. As you know, they originally shut down Vadge, because she had not lived in the country for at least 18-months. She appealed and threatened to feed them to her roidy cooze monster, so they really had no choice. The mattress stuffed with money she sent them sealed the deal.

The judges also fingered Vadge's b-hole by saying she has improved the lives of the children in Malawi with her organization. And then gallons of roid smegma came gushing out of her flooding the upper part of Manhattan. Oh yeah, Vadge isn't even in Malawi. She's still in NYC! The baby snatcher has no plans to travel to Africa to pick up her trophy!

According to People, Vadge is going to send a private jet to pick up Mercy. I guess FedEx wouldn't pick up on the weekends.

That's that. Money talks and the baby walks!

Remember how Vadge was denied adopting little Mercy, because they said she needed to have lived in Malawi for at least 18-months? Well, that was all just a silly mistake, because suddenly three appeal judges have allowed the adoption to go through! The African baby snatcher WINS! Your child is NEXT!!!!

The Sun says that two judges have already turned in reports stating that the adoption should go ahead and the third judge is right there with them. They will announce their decision this Sunday in court. Vadge's lawyer already gave her the news.

The judges apparently agreed that the 18-month rule is "out of date." I wonder when it suddenly became out of date? Before or after the rhinestone-covered Bentley, solid gold toilet and suitcase of money arrived at their doorsteps?

Well, this is good news for Baby Jesus. Rocco and David always give him shade in the playroom, because he's the new bitch. At least he has someone to play with now.

Vadge really, really hates losing. The African baby snatcher's plans were de-fucking-railed after a judge declined her purchase of a baby, because had not lived in Malawi for at least 18-months . Vadge is already planning to build a house there and now she has pleaded her case to Malawi's Nation newspaper after they asked her ass a bunch of questions. Vadge hiked up her roidy-cooch, got on her news and begged!!!!

"I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible. And it's my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country. Though I have been advised that I cannot publicly discuss the pending appeal regarding my desire to adopt Mercy, I do want to say how much I appreciate the level of support that I have received from the people of Malawi and my friends around the world."

Welcome to the world that exists outside of your head, Vadge! Seriously, this bitch really can't wrap her sascrotch around something called rules. If she wants to win in the end that badly, she just needs to take her haggy ass to Malawi, sit down for 18-months and then collect her prize. It's not hard. I just hope that at the end of 18 months, the judge shoots her down again! Because when Vadge loses, the world gathers as one for a quick minute to laugh!

VIA UsWeekly

A judge in Malawi told Vadge to go fuck herself with her own roidy clit by denying her adoption of Baby Mercy. The judge said that only hos who have lived in Malawi for 18-months or more can adopt a baby. Because of that ruling, Vadge has decided to build a house next to her already planned all-girls school in Malawi.

Vadge's recent visit to Malawi wasn't only a baby buying trip. She was also there to oversee construction of her school and she also told her architect to draw up plans for a house. The Sun says, “Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way. But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

Why does this remind of Poltergeist? Probably because Vadge had to shoo away a bunch of villagers to get her claws on that land! The villagers are still pissed because Vadge hasn't compensated them. You know they put a spell on that shit. Vadge is thinking she's slick by building a house there so she can finally get Mercy! Bitch refuses to lose. But Vadge's new house is going to be haunted with the ghosts of all the bitches she sucked the youth out of! Everywhere she turns there will be a Ritchie or a Baby Jesus! Those villagers aren't going to let her win this time!

That bodyguard's face spells F-E-A-R. Take a look at Vadge's claw from the grave and you'll be making the exact same face. I think I've seen that claw make a cameo in Faces of Death.

Just days after a judge in Malawi SHUT DOWN Vadge and told her to buy her babies elsewhere, she was back in London. Vadge had dinner (aka seeds and boiled fetus dumplings) with Stella McCartney last night and friends say she's devastated that she left Malawi without Mercy. The Daily Mail reports that she told one of her assistants, "I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl... She's my little girl - she needs to be with me."

Why is she so shocked?! Isn't this how the last adoption went down? It's like watching one of her movies for the second time and saying, "Well, that sucked." DUH! You know it's going to fucking reek, that's why you don't make the second mistake twice. Vadge is just mad, because she lost and someone told her to go eat a butt plug.

Vadge's lawyers have filed an appeal and Mercy's family is apparently backing Vadge. Well, everyone except Mercy's supposed father. Everyone thought Mercy's father was dead, but James Kambewa came forward claiming he read his name in the paper and he's Mercy's real father. He wants to take care of her blah...blah...blah... Basically, he wants a diamond-crusted Rolls Royce and a solid gold toilet from Vadge too.

Here's more pics of Vadge out with Stella last night. Notice the cut on her arm. SHE IS A CUTTER! It's probably nothing. When the judge socked her in the pussy bone by denying her ass, one of her mutant veins popped in anger. It happens to The Incredible Hulk all the time.

Brace yourself and hold your breath, because the shit is about to go down in Malawi! Vadge is this fucking close to spreading her crotch and sucking the entire country up her roidy-cooze, because they actually said NO to her ass! She will destroy them!

Yes, a judge in Malawi denied her request to adopt baby Mercy! The judge said that he just couldn't let it happen, because Vadge does not have residency in Malawi. She needs to have lived in the country for at least 18 months. Vadge was able to adopt David in 2006 without having to live in Malawi. Bitch probably thought it was going to fly this time, but ho was wrong. Sit down and move over!

Vadge was expecting to take her newest purchase back to New York today, but the sale has been canceled!

A source told The Sun that Vadge was "splitting blood" (is that a roid side-effect) when the judge attacked Vadge for thinking that she can easily just come to their country and pick out any baby she wants, because she's hot shit. The ruling stated:

“Put simply courts do make law by the process of precedence and Miss Madonna may not be the only international person interested in adopting the so-called poor children of Malawi.

By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children the courts by their pronouncements could actively facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land.

Anyone could come to Malawi and quickly arrange an adoption that might have grave consequences on the very children that the law seeks to protect.

“Having considered this then, at the end of the day I must decline to grant the application for the adoption of the infant CJ.

Vadge's lawyers have not said whether or not they are going to appeal, but you better believe this isn't over! Vadge will not be denied! She'll find a way to get back at them! Like maybe she'll make a sequel to Body of Evidence and only release it in Malawi. That would really ruin them.

But at least Baby Jesus has the crib all to himself now.

The whores over at The Sun say this is the first picture ever taken of Vadge with a crossing guard. Oh and that's also Mercy holding Lourdes hand. You know, the little orphan girl that Vadge is trying to get her mutant veins on? I haven't looked at my Ty Ty's Telling Stories Wit Yo Eyez Handbook to confirm this, but I'm pretty sure Mercy's is saying "HEEEEEELP MEEEE!" with her eyeballs. SOS eyez!

But you know what's even more disturbing about this picture, VADGE IS FUCKING WEARING A FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FANNY FUCKING PACK! Why does she look like my aunt on vacation in Puerto Vallarta wearing a towel as a skirt, a hat she bought at the airport from a dude who totally ripped her ass off and a fanny pack on her waist. Doesn't Vadge already have a built-in fanny pack: her roidy cooze?! The terror! Poor Mercy is going to be raised by a bitch who wears a fanny pack!

Image: Splash

Vadge and her face made from the labia lips of a thousand virgins arrived in Africa yesterday to open her net and catch every child she comes across. Because Vadge is saving Africa! It's her Africa! But not everyone thinks that. Vadge will show her face in a court in Malawi today to make the final layaway payment on 3-year-old (or 4-year-old) Mercy James, but the child's memaw is trying to stop the adoption.

Lucy Chekechiwa, Mercy's memaw, is telling the papers that Vadge is nothing more than a baby robber! Baby Jesus' mom will co-sign that. Lucy said she made an agreement with the orphanage Lucy is living at that when she turned 6, she would come back home. Lucy's mother and father have both passed away a while ago. Lucy went on to say, "Why doesn't this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won't let her go."

I'm sure Lucy will feel a lot better when Vadge places a warm bundle of cash money in her arms. When she burps her new money baby, dollars will fall out instead of vom! That's got to be better.

Lucy isn't the only bitch in Africa that wants Vadge to get the fuck out. Some villagers are apparently pissed that she's building a girls' school around their parts. Well, she calls it a school, but we know it's just a shopping center for Vadge to personally go and pick out some new accessories!

The villagers are saying that they have been told that their gardens and houses have to be torn down in order to make way for The University of Baby Roids. A government official said the villagers will be compensated by Vadge's foundation. When a journalist asked Vadge if she was worried about the situation, she shouted back, "NO!"

Well, I guess it could be worse for the villagers. Yeah, they won't have a fucking roof over their heads or a damn garden to pick food from, but Vadge could've bought them instead.