African Orphans

Vadge will pull the broomstick out of her ass, hop on it and fly all the way to Malawi this weekend to get herself another one of those baby things. You know, so she can have a matching set.

An official bitch in the welfare department of Malawi confirmed that Vadge has submitted her big bag of money, I mean, her application to adopt another kid. Vadge's case could be heard as soon as this Monday.

The story going around the internet is that Vadge sent one of her slaves to Malawi to look at the goods and pick out the shiniest one before her arrival.

Oh, Vadge! Her days are already filled important shit like bathing her face in ice cold blended placentas and bench pressing Baby Jesus with her roid-lips, so how on earth is she going to find the time to raise another child? Oh yea, she's going to use a little thing called an army of tortured nannies!

VIA The Sun

Note to self: Doing yourself on an airplane can get you into trouble. T-girl Elvis Crespo learned the hard way - Guanabee

Carmen Electra bares her wonky plastic sacks in Maxim Mexico - Egotastic!

How big is your Twitter dick (I'm not talking about John Mayer)? - Scandalist

Arthritis is cute! - Jezebel

Jim Carrey is a star at faking gay sex - Towleroad

Camilla Belle dumped Joe Jonas for an overcooked sweet potato - Lainey Gossip

Anna Faris joins the No Pants, Crotch Out Club - Hollywood Tuna

Nick Cannon is going to shave off his dick bush as a gift to Mimi for her 39th birthday - Hollywood Rag

Roger Federer flashes his furry boobies - Just Jared

Adrian Grenier must be wearing some thick ass vodka goggles (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

It's always feels good to get flipped off by a baby - Cityrag

Weed was definitely in the air for James Franco last night - Popsugar

Katie Holmes or Angie Harmon? - Egotastic!

Put a picture of Katherine Heigl's fat mouth on a milk carton. It's missing - Lainey Gossip

Avril Lavigne hates rock n' roll - Hollywood Tuna

How does Robert Pattinson keeps his hair looking so magical? - Towleroad

Taylor Swift is a comedienne - Just Jared

Yogurt box cat! - Cityrag

HoHan goes to Panda Express (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Leonardo DiCaprio had girl problems - IDLYITW

Pamela Andrerson loves living in a trailer - Hollywood Rag

I used a picture of shirtless 50 Cent because he has a glorious rack. Maybe he accidentally started the fire by rubbing his titties together. Motorboating!

As I expected, this 50 Cent drama is getting juicy. Juicy like his breastes. Sorry, I can't take my eyes off of them. So, Shaniqua Tompkins gave an impromptu press conference outside of her burned down house. 50's ex-girlfriend and mother of his son said 50 tried to kill her ass! She said, "He said he was going to have someone come kill me and watch what he does. And then look what he did. He had made no contact to see how his son is doing."

Click here to watch the video if you give a rat's clitoris (and thank you to everyone who sent me a picture of a rat's clit after I asked about it a few days ago).

Shaniqua's lawyer told TMZ that she heard someone come into the house at around 4am. One hour later and her joint was up in flames! It wasn't 50 that started the fire, it was the CLOSET WITCH!!! She was trying to make S'mores in her little cubby hole and it got out of hand.

50, the drama is back in your court. I am awaiting your response. Make it scandalous!

UPDATE: 50 issued this statement to TMZ, "Any suggestion that Mr. Jackson had anything whatsoever to do with the fire at his home is outrageous and offensive." Boooooring! I was hoping that big tittied hot piece would really fire back.

Don't worry, I'm sure that Poland Spring bottle is filled with Kabbalahalalabalah water. If it wasn't, Madonna would have kicked him out of her house by now. So, Madge gets to keep the African orphan she took home almost 2 years ago. The High Court in Malawi granted her ass permanent adoption of 2-year-old David Banda.

That shit took forever. I figured David Banda was at college already.

Madge's lawyer said, "We are very happy with what the judge has ruled. Finally the court has granted Madonna full adoption rights of the boy...It's all over, thank God. It is a positive and beautiful judgment that will have an impact on Malawi's adoption laws."

Congrats to Madonna and David! Does this mean she can officially change his name to "Madge's Greatest Publicity Stunt Ciccone Ritchie" now?

Source: E! Online

Thanks Dawn

Lunch time! Pour some fruit over that shit - Hollywood Tuna

Bai Ling really loves to show off her nippies - Egotastic!

Clooney and his call girl invade NYC - Popsugar

Shia LaDouche is growing on me - Just Jared

Ashton Kutcher looking douchier than usual - IDLYITW

The big gay moment on "Brothers and Sisters" - Towleroad

Holly Madison has wonky nipples (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Skanks at the Kentucky Derby - Hollywood Rag

Tommy Girl rocks the stink eye - Cityrag

Harrison Ford & Bruce Willis still get action - A Socialite's Life

Madonna was on "Today" this morning to discuss her new chicken cutlets. Actually, she was on to talk to creepy Ann Curry about her documentary called "I Am Because We Are." It's about orphans in Malawi.

She also talked to Ann about her own experiences with adopting little David Banda. Madge said the adoption process has been difficult, confusing and invasive. She said she has been finger printed 20 times and has had social workers come through her home. Of course it's fucking difficult! She's adopting a kid not buying a Volkswagen.

Madge's faux British accent was intact through the whole interview. You know, it didn't bother me. I was too distracted with Ann Curry's creepy soft "interview voice." The bitch has serial killer voice! It's the voice you hear after you've been kidnapped and tied up at the bottom of a well. The serial killer crawls down, holds you, strokes your hair and tells you in creepy Ann Curry voice that everything will be okay. I'd rather hear Madge's phoney British accent than Ann's phoney "I care" voice.

Celebitchy has a transcript of the interview if you care. Below is the video, but let me know if there's issues with RedLasso. I stopped using that shit, because it was freezing up people's browsers (including my own). They claim they fixed their shit and I haven't had a problem, but let me know.

Here's some pics of Madge's new face at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of documentary in NYC last night. I also threw in some Rosie O'Donnell.

Posh and Becks have talked about having more children, but it looks like Posh is sick of being pregnant. The two may adopt a baby from African. Becks visited Sierra Leone with UNICEF and that trip moved him to want to adopt an orphan. Becks has apparently even talked to Tom Cruise about it, because Tom has two adopted children.

A source said "Tom has talked to David about how adoption changed him and how he's been able to change the lives of two amazing children." Posh & Becks' spokeswhore deny the claims.

The couple currently have 3 boys.

Talking to Tom about adopting an African orphan? I'm sure Tom told Becks that he will definitely help him if......Becks let's him toss his salad. "Can we talk about this over salads?" Tom knows nothing about adopting! He probably didn't even handle the adoption of his kids. He just told his people that he needed to look softer in the media, so they handled it.

I think it's a good idea for Posh & Becks to adopt. She's always wanted a girl and I don't think it's healthy for her to carry a baby with all those alleged tummy tucks. That baby is going to be trapped. Living in Posh's belly is like living in a Manhattan studio apartment. It's not comfortable.

Here's Posh wearing a robe from Z Gallerie while sashaying through the Toronto airport with Cruz.

Image: INFDaily.com

Madonna built a special African zoo room where all the children can learn about David's birthplace

 

Madonna likes to bake cakes

 

Madonna's carpets are so luxurious it feels like walking on live sheep

 

Lourdes and Madonna are learning David's native Chichewa language

 

Madonna is planning to build her own orphanage in Africa where children will learn Kabbalah beliefs