This Tag For Taylors Only
Tonight when the Twitwards are flossing their vaginas with the Jacob Black fleece throws they got for Christmas, it will be much more gratifying because Taylor Lautner is SINGLE! I think a thousand cherries just spontaneously popped.
UsWeekly reports that the 3-month-long love affair between 17-year-old Taylor Lautner and 20-year-old Taylor Swift has come to an end. A source said that Girl Taylor wasn't really getting the shakes in her loins whenever Boy Taylor came around. The source added, "He liked her more than she liked him. He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn't travel much to see him. It wasn't really developing into anything, and wasn't going to, so they decided they were better as friends. There was no chemistry, and it felt contrived."
Hm. Maybe it felt contrived, because both of them had their publicists screaming in their ears, "HOLD HER HAND! KISS HIS CHEEK! PASS HIM THAT NOTE IN HOMEROOM! TOUCH HER BOOBY!" Yes, both of their publicists sound like Kanye (ironic, eh).
But seriously, this is all kinds of hilarious. There's millions of girls who would sell their entire family for just one of Boy Taylor's nose hairs. And Girl Taylor rolls her eyes whenever Boy Taylor's name pops up on her cell phone. HAHAHA. Maybe Girl Taylor just wasn't into Boy Taylor trying to toss her salad while calling her "Edward." Hey, just let me have my fantasies!
Kinko's will be busier than Lil' Wayne's sperm fishes in the next few weeks, because Twihards and Twimoms (UGH) will be getting all their copies of Taylor Lautner's Rolling Stone cover laminated to protect it from...um...stuff.
IN THIS ECONOMY, Rolling Stone should be maximizing their profits by selling this cover in panties and dildo form. I mean, we already know what those horny Twihards are going to do with this magazine, so Rolling Stone would be saving them from suffering a dozen unfortunate paper cuts.
And if this makes you uncomfortable, just focus on the giant brown peen head growing out of the back of his head. I'm hot helping.
via The Frisky
A river of popped cherry juice and panty pudding flowed through the streets of Westwood, CA last night during the New Moon premiere. If you live in the area, you might have been wondering why your cats were howling and your dogs were meowing. Well, now you know.
You know what bothers me about kids today? They have no RESPECT for the English language. For instance, look at how that girl in the picture above completely butchered a gorgeous curse word. How do we expect our youth to be the leaders of tomorrow if they can't even curse right? I mean, what the hell is a SHIZNIT? That sounds like something you'd find on the tip of a dick after messy butt sex.
Anyway, here's some pictures from last night's premiere. Some hos were obviously only there for the free photo-op. They are: Shar Jackson, Mary Murphy, 50 Cent, Richie Sambora (with his daughter) and JLove with that Jamie Kennedy dude.
Also at the premiere were Joan Jett (to hold Kristen Stewart's "hand"), one of the wolfies, that hot piece from Glee, the Glee kids, Stephanie Meyer (the bitch responsible for all of this), a homeless man in a fancy suit, Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner.
17-year-old Taylor Lautner took 19-year-old Taylor Swift (couple name: TATAS) out for steaks at Ruth's Chris in Los Angeles. My issue of BOP (Fuck, I'm old and crotchety) has expired, so I'm not sure how long these two have been holding hands and kissing ON THE CHEEK ONLY. We're watching you, Swifty! If your hand heads for the "off-limits petting zoo", Chris Hansen is going to tap you on the shoulder.
Some of your asses might think it's a little weird sharing the same name as your fuck buddy (or in Taylor's case, her steak-eating buddy), but it's not. My name is as common as a leaky titty, so I'm speaking from experience. It's not like you ever call your full-time ho by their government name anyway. You usually address them with: "Yeah You" or "Whip It Out."