Fergie

This is one of the first pitchers of Rob Marshall's Nine starring Daniel Day-Lewis and a bunch of broads. The picture needs a little visit from Photoshop, because it's looking like a pageant photo from Miss Drag Queen World 2008. In case you have no idea who some of those bitches are, they are from left to right:

Judi Dench (in the Suri wig), Penny Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Fuggie Fug, Nicky Kidman, Kate Hudson and some random trick in the back trying to sneak into the picture.

Of course, Nicky has to have the spotlight on her wax figure-looking ass. It's probably not even a spotlight. It's the toxic glow you get from too much Botox.

The people in front of Fuggie must be wearing raincoats and carrying umbrellas. Fuggie's got her legs open for business and she's a known squirter.

Wait...I think that's Daniel Day-Lewis' head down below in front of Fuggie's geyser hole.... I really, really hope he was wearing a gas mask.

The movie version of the Broadway musical "NINE" started out with a pretty hot cast, but now producers are filling the other roles with pieces of trash!

Javier Bardem was originally cast in the lead role, but he dropped out because he was too tired or something like that. Daniel Day-Lewis quickly replaced him. Nicole Kidman, Penny Cruz, Judie Dench, Marion Cotillard and Sophia Loren were announced as his female co-stars. Totally hot, right?

Well, now E! reports that Kate Hudson has joined the cast and Fuggie Fug is in talks for a role. NO! Way to meth it up. Kate will play a Vogue journalist named Stephanie. Fuggie might be up for the role of Saraghina, a whore. No, she's really a whore. If old-faced Fuggie joins this shit, they will have to change the title to "NINETY."

Daniel needs to stay away from the Fuggie. She will only piss on him! He likes milkshakes, not meth piss!

Forget the question. Jacko is a wax figure! Homegirl is at least 80% wax and 20% artificial materials.

Those lips! Wack-O-Wax lips should be renamed Jack-O-Wax lips in his honor. I need to stop hating. Jacko is still the sharpest dressed lady in the business. Liza ain't got nothing on this bitch.

Jacko made a surprise appearance at Christian Audigier's tacky Birthday extravaganza last night. They really should have turned off all the lights before Jacko's ass came onstage. He could have melted!

Other guests at this classy affair included Pamela Anderson, Fuggie Fug and Mena Suvari. What the hell is on Mena's head?! I think I liked her better when she looked like a younger Hillary Clinton. Now she looks like an Ellen Degeneres/Portia de Rossi morph. She needs to dump the weave.

Fuggie Fug performed on "Today" this morning and I'm disgusted that she actually thinks she has the right to butcher Heart's "Barracuda." She's more like a stanky trout than a barracuda. Fuggie first performed the cover on Idols Give Back and it looks like she's making it a regular thing.

It's a good thing she wore those pants. The piss will wash off easier. She also continued to do one-handed cartwheels during her performance. She probably does one every time she feels the piss coming out. The cartwheel pushes the piss back in.

If she performs Barracuda one more time, I'm going to track her down using her natural piss scent and slap the meth right off of her mug.

Performance below:

Fuggie Fug was making her way out of Waverly Inn in NYC last night when she went doooown. It's a good thing she didn't land flat on her meth face. That's my favorite feature on her. Clumsy ho is right!

Seriously, that picture of her ankle doing the Exorcist is going to give me nightmares.

TMZ has video of Fuggie going down, if you care.

If you haven't heard Fuggie Fug's song for the "Sex & the City" movie, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If caca had a theme song, this would be it. I think listening to this song turned my allergies into leprosy. I don't know what's fucking worse? The lyrics, the music or her voice.

The SATC bitches should have saved their pennies and released this Fergie classic instead:

Don't ask me about the clown. I think he was a child toucher. Kids Inc. dealt with the real issues.

My legs couldn't take it. We need to leave the tye-dyed jeans back in the late 90s where they belong. I would rather wear pastel surfer pants than this. Shit, I'd rather wear neon shoe lace gladiator sandals than this crap. Only Donatella Versace is allowed to wear tacky shit like this. Miami mafia wife is not a good look.

Maybe those jeans didn't start out that way. Fuggie's toxic meth piss probably bleached them.

Here's Fuggie with some agent type dude on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Everyone loves Heart. EVERYONE! If you say you don't, you're lying. Last night on Idols Give Back, Heart performed Barracuda and instead of leaving it at that, Fergie had to come out and ruin it. At least she wore rubber pants. Piss-proof. Seriously, Fergie came out, did a cartwheel and tried to take the shine off of Heart. I soooo wanted Ann just to flick Fergie with her big toe. Ann is a big beautiful woman, so Fergie and her uncontrollable bladder would have went flying into Gaycrest's lap. He would have screamed like a little girl and beat her with his butt plug.

Fuggie Fug and Quentin Tarantino threw a joint Birthday party for themselves at The Mirage in Las Vegas last night. Now this is a couple I can back up! Fuggie needs to dump pretty boy Josh and hook up with the concentrated fugness known as Quentin Tarantino. Their fugness was meant to be joined as one.

Guests included Kid Rock, Vivie, Daryl Hannah, Josh Duhamel and some other dumb skanks.

Kid Rock bought Fuggie some sort of hot dog machine for her Birfday. She told UsWeekly, “You put the bun on one side, and you put the hot dog in the little hot dog holes, and it pops out of the toaster in about a minute, and your hot dogs are ready to go." But can it fix her face?

Wait....Vivie Fox, Daryl Hannah AND Vivica Fox in one room together. I hope they kept the number of candles to a minimum. Too much heat and that joint would've been hit with a melted, plastic tsunami.

Fuggie Fug is celebrating the big 33 today. She started the celebrations early last night by dining with her man at Katsuya. Fuggie kept showing off her engagement ring like it was the cure for cancer. We get it Fuggie! You're the luckiest methface alive. Put the ring away and go put some night cream on your mug, it looks haggard. She probably did put some night cream on her face and by "night cream" I mean Duhamel spooge. How depressing. Methfaces always get the hot dudes.