Hot Slut of the Day

Sabi, the Australian Army bomb sniffing dog who was lost in Afghanistan for 14 months.

I guess it's hot Australian hero week around these parts. Yesterday, I posted about the part-time model who got his chonies wet to save a pooch. Today I bring you Sabi, who was recently found by the Americans after she went missing in action for over a year.

Sabi went sent to Afghanistan to sniff out bombs (She should get a job in Hollywood doing just that). During a battle Sabi got lost in all the chaos. Sabi's trainer and the other soldiers couldn't find her after a long search. They presumed that she was dead. Well, Sabi wasn't.

She spent the next 14 months surviving in Afghanistan. She became an underground pop star and a mistress whore to a rich drug lord. Sabi did what she had to do. But a few days ago, while she was roaming around doing hood rat stuff, an American soldier immediately recognized her as the dog the Australians have been looking for. Sabi was ID'd by her trainer and now she's back at Australian headquarters. Yes, Sabi is still in Afghanistan. You know that bitch is pissed! After all that she should be in Australia, reclining on a velvet settee and watching Kath & Kim re-runs.

(For Jenni)

Raden Soemawinata, the sexy piece hero who dropped his pants and jumped into the extremely dangerous waters (not really) of Victoria, Australia to save a dog.

When Sue Drummond's dog BiBi was carried off the pier and into the water by a strong bitchy ass wind, she didn't know what to do. Sue couldn't jump in herself, because she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to swim back with her dog. Luckily for Sue and BiBi, a sexy piece with a heart of gold happened to be on the pier. Raden ripped off his pants and jumped in the water to save her. Raden said, "It was pretty cold and windy, but it wasn't such a hard decision to jump in, it wasn't such a great feat. I'm a part-time model, so getting into my jocks isn't so different to what I do for work."

AND GET THIS, the part-time model was on the pier to spread his grandmother's ashes. I think my heart just beat for the first time in weeks! Seriously, the only way this story could get sappier (aka sweeter) is if Sue turned out to be Raden's grandmother's long-lost best friend from childhood who she was trying to find right before her death. They could make a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie out of this starring Milo Ventimiglia and Estelle Parsons. They can call it "Brought Together By BiBi."

The next time I'm in Victoria, Australia, I'm going to dress in a fluffy white dog costume, hold my nose and jump the hell in. Maybe a part-time in boxer briefs and ankle socks will come to my rescue.

And I love that in the 7th thumbnail below, Sue is busy giving a little sugar to the hot part-time model while BiBi is basically being choked to death. Priorities!

Richard "Renee" Ramsey, probably the oldest pepaw in all the land to get a sex change operation. You're never to old to get a vagina on you and Richard proved this back in June when he told his doctor that he was ready to trade his peen in for a punane. This is when Richard officially became Renee. And make sure you roll your "R" on that one, because Renee is an elegant lady.

77-year-old Renee, who is a 20-year Navy veteran, told the Philadelphia Inquirer that ever since she was a little boy she knew that she was a lady inside. Renee married twice and has four children, but she couldn't shake that feeling. No, I mean she literally tried to shake her peen off, but it didn't work. But now thanks to themagical hands of doctors Renee can finally become the sexy memaw she was meant to be. Renee said, "Now, the hardest thing I have to do is learn to be a lady. When I get angry at someone, I have to practice acting like a lady instead of sounding off like I used to do."

Oh, don't worry about that, Renee. Refined ladies of today handle their anger by hitting bitches in the mouth with their high heels or get revenge by sleeping with their man. Just make sure you do it with your pinky out. And curtsy afterwards!

John X and Lisa, two married (not to each other) employees at Cornell University who are involved in an e-mail sex scandal of sorts.

On Friday, Guest of a Guest posted a loooooong sexy e-mail exchange between two employees at Cornell University's Business School. It's really no scandal that two married people are having cyber sex, but it turned into one after John X accidentally BCCed the entire conversation to the WHOLE SCHOOL. This is why I do all my internet boning on IM.

So now everyone at Cornell knows that these two are typing sexy e-mails to each other using their genitals (basically). Below is just a little taste (poor choice of words) of their conversation. They get into that shit and it goes on forever. It's like War & Peace. Well, more like Whore & Piece. John X and Lisa should write 70s porn scripts.

You can read the entire exchange over at Guest of a Guest. They also have pictures of John X and Lisa if you need the visual (which you do).

From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:56 AM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:

That sounds VERY SEXY to me!!! What kind of panties do you have on??? :)

From: Lisa
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:57 AM
To: John
Subject: RE:

A thong of course.

From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 9:59 AM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:

Well, be specific please!!! :)

From: Lisa
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:01 AM
To: John
Subject: RE:

Uh,a bright blue thong.if you want more specifics you;ll have to just see it for yourself.it could be your lunch;-)

From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 10:05 AM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:

Wow! I just LOVE that idea! And it would require no extra seasoning, seeing as how it would have your savory juices all over it!!! :)

Cut to a couple of hours later:

From: John
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:44 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: RE:

OH, I can SERIOUSLY help you with both of those Baby, don’t worry!

And I will be SO FUCKING HORNY after I get done SPANKING that FINE ASS of yours for hours, you’ll be FULL for a week after you swallow me! And I hear that CUM is an excellent source of protein, as well as other nutrients!!!

From: Lisa
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 12:46 PM
To: John
Subject: RE:

I knew I could count on you!!! You’re my hero!!!! My knight in shining armor!!! My private porn star!!!!!

Patty from Dallas Divas & Daughters - The Style Network has their own low-budget knock-off of The Real Housewives series called Dallas Divas & Daughters, which follows rich refined ladies (aka hos living beyond their means thanks to credit cards and second mortgages) of Dallas and their snotty daughters. The obvious break-out star of the show is Patty, the chola with a gold-plated heart.

If an AquaNet-addicted chola won big in Scratchers, moved to Dallas, replaced the razors in her hair with necklaces bought at Marshall's, she would be PATTY! La Fancee!

Below is a clip from last night's episode of Patty posing for her a portrait she plans to give to her daughter for graduation. While most parents give their kids a car, birth control pills or an invoice for graduation, Patty gives her daughter a nude portrait of her as a precious cholita angel sent down from Sharpie heaven to spread the beauty of high-art eyebrows. The gift that keeps on giving....you dry heaves.

Samantha Newark & Britta Phillips - The VOICES of one of the most important characters in history: JEM (insert a trillion sparkly exclamation points here).

Samantha (on the left) was the talking voice of Jem/Jerrica and Britta was her singing voice. Together they created the greatest performer since Liberace. The truth is, Pizzazz was the one I felt a bond with since she was...well...the bitch. But without Jem!, there could be no Pizzazz, so she is a very important.

If you grew up in the 80s or you're gay, you have to have a favorite Jem! song and mine is below. When I'm finally thrown on the dingy boat to Hell, this must be performed at my funeral by La Pequena (with accompaniment by Keyboard Cat):

Fun fact: This is also the song that plays in Gay Al Reynolds' head whenever he sashays into a room.

The Great Daryl Nathan! - Oh, the treasure chest that is cable access is full of shiny gems that deserve a place on the world's stage. And here's one of them. His name is The Great Daryl Nathan and he was a bright shining star on Michigan's cable access scene in the 90s. The Great Daryl became a cult superstar in Grand Rapids, but he's kept a low-profile since. My guess is that Beyonce sent her sharks after him, because she couldn't take the competition. The man's wig goes above and beyond the call of duty and Beyonce knows this.

Anyway, I will let The Great Daryl Nathan's natural gift speak for itself. Below is his heart-stopping performance of "Fourth of July."

(For Kevin)

Steve Oedekerk - The writer, producer and star of Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

Like most things, Kung Pow is only entertaining if you're under the influence of something that makes your brain cells shake (i.e. the good shit, the sweet nectar, any Hostess product and/or serious dick). But with a bear's ass bush on his head, Steve as The Chosen One is truly a piece you would only hit if there was a full moon (that's a compliment). And he uses stuffed animals as weapons. How is Brit Brit not permanently suction cupped to this bitch?!

If you've never seen it, the trailer is below (snort a drop of freon before you watch):

If Abuelita Chocolate didn't win Hot Slut of the Month, we all would have gotten slapped by a hand full of rings. Because when Abuelita gets ready to slap a bitch, her hand suddenly becomes a Zales display case. Thankfully, none of us will have to open the First-Aid kit since Abuelita Chocolate beat (with a backyard sneaker) out the rest of her competition. Thanks to all who voted!

Dolores, just one of the lady bears at the Leipzig in Germany who has lost most of her hair for reasons unknown. There's not a vet around that can figure out why the chicks are suffering from premature hair-loss while the dude bears prance about without one strand missing. Some experts think it could be a genetic defect, but besides looking like one of Cisco Adler's nutsacks, the girl bears don't suffer from anything else. Although, they have developed gross rashes on their skin. Poor things are living like one of Paris Hilton's crotch warts. SADS.

And because they are walking around nekkid, visitors have been flocking to the zoo to see them. SUCIO BITCHES! Poor Dolores does not look happy about losing all her luscious hair. They could at least throw a sessy lacy negligee on her ass.

Oh, Dolores. You should know that Lady CaCa spends at least 12 hours getting dressed up to walk the fameho stroll, and you still look ten million times hotter than her.

(For Anna)