Hot Slut of the Day

The Daddy of the Year (Jon Gosselin, take notes) and his 9 chirruns - Spread this sappy ass story on your hangover, and then yank it off really fast. It will stop the room from spinning and the barfs from traveling up your throat tunnel. It will!

A chihuahua daddy with a deformed leg (awwww) arrived at an Animal Care Services building in Texas with his 9 baby friends (double awww) looking for help. The chihuahua daddy was so determined to get his family to safety that he led all of them across a busy highway even though he has an effed up leg (triple awwwww). Employees at the ACS said this is the first time that a dog actually came in by himself without being brought in by a person or officer (quadruple aww).

The ACS think the dogs were dumped off on the side of the road by some evil doers. All of them are doing fine now even though that have a bad case of mange and ringworm (aka Wino-itis). It will take a few months to treat them, but they will be available for adoption after that.

I hope whoever adopts their asses keeps them all together. Don't force the daddy chihuahua with a deformed leg to make a SOPHIE'S CHOICE.

Source (via Fark)

Derek J - Hairstylist, Wig Tamer, Reality Star, Glitter Master and the Imelda Marcos of Atlanta! If you watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta, then you've already become acquainted with this succulent honey baked ham in heels. When Derek enters the shot, all those other bitches need to go take a cold shower and try again. Ten times out of ten, Derek will outdo them in the shoe, bag, swish, and sway department. If Sherri Shepherd and Jackee Harry morphed into one under a disco ball and during a full moon, they would look just like this sessy piece right here.

Rotten Robin from Top Chef: Las Vegas - Every season, there has to be a contestant that everyone basically hates and this time around, that lucky role goes to Robin! And this is why my no-heart embraces her. Robin is the dingle berry in everyone's amuse-bouche, and it's pretty entertaining watching all the dudes boil inside when she comes around. It's not that Robin's mean. She's just more annoying than a weekend cold sore. Robin just won't shut up. She's got that Megan Fox disease. When her brain gives birth to a thought, her mouth has to burp it out. Basically, she's going to make the other contestants rip their ears off. That can be a challenge! Use your mutilated ear parts to make a trio. I can't wait! Keep fucking that chicken, Robin!

Angel Aviles, Sad Girl from the monumental cinematic experience that was Mi Vida Loca - Angel has done a few other movies, but Mi Vida Loca will always be her greatest triumph! In the film, Angel plays Sad Girl, a chola who kind of gets knocked up by her best friend's (Mousie) man. According to IMDB, they are working on a sequel to this masterpiece called "Smile Now Cry Later." This news makes me want to smile and cry at the same damn time!

The sequel better feature such pivotal scenes as this one below. In this scene, Sad Girl and Mousie ponder the question of all questions: McDonald's or Burger King?

Allyson White of Northern Territory, Australia - Allyson, who works at a pub called Humpty Doo Tavern, was involved a minor car accident in the city of Darwin and she can't believe that she's being blamed for it! You see, the police seem to think that Allyson caused a man to crash his car, because she was putting his stick shift into second gear with her mouth. To put it bluntly, they are accusing her of sucking the driver's dick for $5. Five dolla road head gone wrong! That is reason enough to make her Hot Slut of the CENTURY, but her statement about the whole thing takes her to another level:

"I was not sucking his dick - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest. Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a fucking rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's dick' - but it is not true and that's what is pisses me off. It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me. But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."

Even though YOU CAN nibble on a peen while wearing a seat-belt (I've conducted several studies on this), I believe her. I mean, look at that refined lady sitting on a rattan loveseat (which she probably fished out of a dumpster) with her a ciggie in her hand and a bottle of beer in front. Move over, Nicole Kidman, because this is the PORTRAIT OF A LADY. I mean, she has an air purifier/speaker in her living room! Only the finest of ladies have those.

Would a delicate flower like this suck on a cock for $5 in a pick-up truck? Okay, yeah, she would, but I'm sure she did it with her pinky out and a napkin in her lap!

Source (For Ben)

Samantha Sang - An Australian pop star who had a moment in the late 70s with the single "Emotion," which was the Bee Gees wrote for her hot ass. Unfortunately, Samantha really never had a hit after that. That boggles my mind, because Samantha's voice is like a satin pillow against my nalgas. And Jocelyn Wildenstein has spent millions of dollars (and eaten hundreds of cans of Fancy Feast) to achieve a face like Samantha's!

Below is Samantha's video for "Emotion." Watching it will make you feel like you're prancing through the clouds of heaven while wearing a merkin made out of cotton candy.

(For Mark)

Rika Urban, the first ever Miss Plastic Hungary - On Friday night in Hungary, the first annual beauty pageant for ladies with tweaked noses, pulled mugs, rotated toes (yeah, really) and counterfeit chichis was held. Each contestant had to be over the age of 18 and prove that they've had at least one plastic surgery operation. Fun fact: If you add up all of the silicone, botox, collagen, motor oil and liquid nails found in all of the contestants, it still isn't half of what is in Jocelyn Wildenstein's beautiful face.

Anyway, 22-year-old Rika Urban took the title winning an apartment in Budapest and what looks like a topiary tree bought at Michael's. Rika also got to sit on a throne made of old breast implants and liposuctioned fat! Lucky ho. Rika's plastic surgeon also won some kind of award.

(For Kevin)

Gloria Loring - Gloria is best known to me for playing chanteuse Liz Chandler on Days of Our Lives. But Gloria is much more than a magical bubble in the soap opera world. Gloria has had several adult contemporary hits that I'm sure your mother listens to when she cleans out the refrigerator on a Sunday morning. Gloria also co-wrote the theme songs for Facts of Life and Diff'rent Strokes with her then husband Alan Thicke. It really takes a special genius to come up with those lyrics. And yes, Gloria is the mother of Robin Thicke, so she's semi-responsible for bringing his "castrated Justin Timberlake on helium" voice to this world, but we won't hold that against her.

Below is Gloria serenading the residents of Salem at Doug's Place:

(For Tanya)

Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan - The married Scottish interior design duo who are known for their cunty antics and words of bitchery. Unfortunately, these two don't have a show in the US yet. They have/had several shows in the UK and currently can be seen on HGTV Canada. The US is tardy to the party YET AGAIN. Below is a little clip of Colin and Justin verbally bitch slapping a couple over wood (don't jizz your panties) and other things.

(For Claire)

Hofit Golan - Hofit is a socialite-type who is famous for bringing her feuding breasts to event after event. Yeah, Hofit's chichis hate each other. They never ever speak or look at one another. They won't ever stand next to each other. Titty War 3 is going down on Hofit's chest. I don't know how she deals with it. Anyway, Awful Plastic Surgery has dubbed Hofit "Europe's Phoebe Price." That is reason enough to bestow Hofit with a Hot Slut award.