Hot Slut of the Day

Cliff Richard - British musical legend and the reason why my nipples holes have closed up this morning! If you skip on over to Cliff's website, you'll know what I'm talking about it. It's like I sashayed into a unicorn palace filled with rainbows and crystal bubbles.

As a songstress, Cliff has sold hundreds of millions of records. He has also had a #1 in the UK for five consecutive decades starting in the 1950s. Cliff is a lifelong bachelor and some say he loves a little peen in his honey buns, but he's never admitted it.

And Cliff is cheesier than Barry Manilow's cock fromage. That's a compliment.

(For Kate)

Tom OC - Ireland's biggest gangsta rap star sensation (not really). Tom OC dropped (that's gangsta rappa' talk YO) his newest single on CD and it has already become one of the top ranked....things to laugh at in Ireland. Before you tantalize your ears with Tom OC's gift, read his introduction:

**THIS IS AN UNMASTERED ROUGH VERSION AND VIDEO As A SAMPLER FOR THE DEBUT ALBUM WHICH IS DROPPIN IN LATE FALL 09! PLEASE DONT PLAYA HATE LIKE SOME OF THE OTHER COMMENTATERS HAVE, I AM JUST STARTING OUT IN DA RAP GAME AND THE FULL ALBUM GONE BE DONE SOON!!

DONT FORGET TO COP THE ALBUM

This video is an ode to my hero.

RIP 2pac

Tupac is about to get into a grave, so he can roll over. Now, COP THIS:

Why does Tom OC sound like a dog meowing into a fan while having a seizure? Shit, I need to stop playa hatin' SON! And if you can't get enough of Tom OC, COP his website.

"Chillin with my homes! GANGSTA! bitchs!" - Tom OC

(For Sarah)

Macy Gray - SPOILER ALERT! Macy was killed off from Dancing with the SARS last night and homegirl could give a crooked dick! When they told her she was dead, she kind of shrugged and didn't look too upset. You know she was just thinking about getting back to her trailer and getting back into bed with her bong. I don't blame her ass.

But I do blame the general public for voting Macy out! Yes, bitch danced like a stoned ass Big Bird who just took the best shit of his life, but she was entertaining. I mean, during Tuesday night's show, Macy dropped one of the first ever "cherry bombs" on live TV and got censored. Macy said something like she was glad to get her cherry popped by performing her first dance. Now that's the kind of shit I like to hear. Although, that's not the kind of shit I like to imagine. Chocolate covered cherries will never be the same again!

Below is Macy doing the stoner waltz and then declaring to the world that she just got her ballroom fuck on for the very first time.

Baby Rhino Knut - A baby rhino was born at a zoo in Münster, Germany and the media is calling her the next Knut. Vanity Fair better keep their cover vacant for now.

Just like Knut, the baby rhino was rejected by her slut bitch of a whore mother right after she was born. The rhino's mother who goes by the name Emmi (that's a slut name if I ever heard one!) pushed her new baby aside right after birth. Emmi had better things to do like suck rhino dick and party all night. Emmi and White Oprah should pitch a reality show to E! together.

Emmi has a history of murdering her babies right after birth, so zookeepers immediately intervened and took the new one from her. The baby rhino is now being raised by a caretaker and she will greet the public next week. And two weeks after that, she'll be on the cover of Vogue and get caught exposing her rhino-puss while getting out of a car at The Ivy. No, this baby rhino is an innocent good girl. You can tell by the look her in eye. She doesn't want to be a major cunt like her mother.

Brynne Groden - The 25-year-old fiancee of Australian multi-millionaire Dr. Geoffrey Edelsten. Brynne, a former fitness instructor from California, showed up to the Brownlow Medal awards in Australia looking like the most perfect diamond that was ever created by the GOD. Seriously, wars have started over an elegant beauty like this!

Brynne made hearts stop and colons crumble in an ensemble that could have only been made by the finest fashion designer in the world (aka a stripper store in Reno, NV).

Brynne is not only an exquisite beauty with fine tastes, but she's also a gold digger to the highest degree. YES! Brynne will marry 66-year-old Geoffrey next month in Australia. Jason Alexander and Fran Drescher are going to MC the event and Fleetwood Mac is going to play, so you know this is going to be the affair of the millennium!

(For Rachel)

Sultan Kosen - At 8'1", Sultan is the new world's tallest dude according to a Guinness World Records. At an official ceremony in London, Sultan overtook previous record holder Bao Xishun. 27-year-old Sultan from Turkey also has the biggest hands (27.5cm) and feet (36.5cm). You know where I'm going with this? Straight to his crotch! One-way! Seriously, someone needs to get their tongue out and see if he also has the world's looooongest private parts (i.e. peen, nuts, ass lips, etc...) And based on that picture, it also looks like he has the world's tiniest head. Dude is a recorder-holder in every way.

And Jennifer Aniston is in luck, because this gentle giant is looking for a wife! Sultan said that he's long, strong and ready to get hitched. He went on to say that most girls are afraid of him, so he hasn't had much luck in the love department. Hmm....scared of him? Okay, dude is just teasing now and seriously needs to drop those Men's Warehouse trousers and show us the goods! My no-no might pass out, but just taser that bitch and it will be back to normal.

VIA Metro

Jaila Simms - The glamorous trannygirl singer with a voice that waxes off Diddy's pubes (in a good way) from MTV's Making His Band. On the season of the Making The Band, Diddy is looking for back-up singers for his new album/tour/etc. and Jaila is in the running.

Not only can Jaila blow like one of Aretha Franklin's nipples (again, a good thing), but she can also shank in the throat you with words if need be. Below is a scene where Jaila proves that she is not the one eff with, because she will win every time. Shit, even though her hair situation isn't in check, she still wins!

(For Ebony)

Brad Pattison and his dog friend Rudy - Brad is the host/dog and human trainer on a Canadian show called At the End of My Leash which teaches hos how to check their dogs and vice versa. Brad's show also airs in the US on Animal Planet. Yeah, Brad is a Dog Whisperer-type, except sometimes he makes the humans cry out of shame. Hey, sometimes you gotta make a bitch cry like a Gordon Ramsay victim to get them to fix their shit.

Below is a short clip of Brad at work. You must always listen to Brad. His sessy turquoise t-shirt commands you to do so.

(For East End Girl)

Guiding Light - Back when dinosaurs walked the earth and Larry King was just a tween, a soap opera called The Guiding Light was born! And now after 230 million years (aka 72 years) on air, Guiding Light's circuit breakers will be permanently shut off today. The final episode will air this afternoon.

I never watched Guiding Light, but I always applaud trash, so this is a sad day. I will pay homage to Guiding Light today by either a) slapping my arch rival (aka the old bitch down the street who always calls my boy dog a girl) b) stealing my best friend's man or c) marry into the Santos mob dynasty.

Above is Guiding Light's "disco intro" from the 80s. It only lasted a year. You can watch most of the intros on YouTube as well as a zillion farewell tributes.

R.I.P. Guiding Light!

Mare Simone - This hot slut is a real slut! But don't call her a prostitution whore, Mare Simon is a professional sexual healer. Yeah, I don't think this is what Marvin Gaye had in mind.

Mare tells The Sun that her curing vagina has clocked in around 1,500 peens. Mare gets paid to help couples who have issues with sexy times (i.e. dude can't get it up or chick can't have an orgasm). Mare holds therapy with both of them and sometimes she has to ride that peen in the name of HEALING!

She has helped nearly 10,000 couples for over 23 years and says that everything she's doing is legal, "I earn my living by sleeping with other women's husbands or boyfriends. But I am in no way a prostitute as sex surrogacy is legal, as long as it is done in a therapeutic and healing atmosphere. People are paying for counseling and to cure their problems - not sex. I am helping improve and change the sex lives of thousands of men, which means I am also helping improve the sex lives of their wives and girlfriends. My job is so fulfilling and enjoyable."

And just like that, thousands of hookers just ran out to get their "sexual surrogate" license and some candles (because the candles make it a healing session instead of a fuck time session). Shit, I may follow them too.

(For PC)