Hot Slut of the Day

Tania McIntosh aka The Serial Celebrity Hugger - In the US, we have Quween on the Scene who stalks the streets protecting Z-listers from the "evil posarassi." In the UK, they have Tania McIntosh who instead of breaking the bones of the paparazzi, spreads love by hugging random celebwhores. She's like a scruffy Care Bear!

If you've been in a tabloid magazine, Tania will cover you with love. It doesn't matter if your crotch is overrun by an army of fleas (see Peaches Geldof), she will hug you! It doesn't matter if you are covered in diarrhea (see Peter Andre), she will hug you! It doesn't matter if the general public forgot you existed (see all thumbnails), Tania will remember you and greet you with open arms!

Kitty-Madison, the mertranny of the Netherlands - When Kitty was a 15-year-old Dutch boy, she saw the movie Splash and it completely changed her life. Daryl Hannah has that effect on people.

Kitty felt that deep down she wasn't only born the wrong gender, but she was born the wrong species too. Kitty knew she was meant to be a mermaid, so she started the journey. Kitty started by making a homemade fin using leggings and fins. Then she changed her name to Kitty (the name of one of her neighbors) Madison (Daryl Hannah's name in Splash). A little while later, Kitty started taking hormones and living her life as a lady full-time.

After that, Kitty started to perfect the mermaid part. She had an expensive custom fin made which she keeps in a fire-safe room. Then, she bought some special contact lenses, so that she can easily see underwater. Kitty also bought silicone plugs to discreetly shove up her nose so water doesn't get in there. Finally, Kitty knew that a mermaid's (or true beauty's) look is not complete without a pair of exquisite eyebrows, so she stuck her face in a fish bowl and allowed her sea friends to bite off her brow hairs to perfection. They know what to do!

Now Kitty-Madison's life is complete! Well, almost complete. Homemermaid needs to fluff up her combover a bit.

You can read all about Kitty-Madison's transformation from boy to mertranny at Vice.

(For Madam S.)

Mek Wok Kundor - Erica Kane really has nothing on this lady right here. Mek Wok is 107-years-old and is searching for her 23rd husband. So if you see homegirl on Match.com, give her a poke.

Mek's current husband is currently treating his addiction to the bad shit in rehab in Kuala Lumpur. Mek thinks that's when he busts out of there, he's going to leave her for a younger piece. And get this shit, Mek's husband is only 37-years-old! This is beyond cougar shit.

Mek, whose friends call her Tok Wook (that's Malaysian for "Dick Snatcher"), said she's going to visit her husband in rehab and tell him, "that I am lonely without him and if he reciprocates, I will wait for him without thinking of another marriage." So, basically, Mek is giving him one last chance to do right by her vagina or she's going to find new peen. Well, played.

She refused to talk about her past marriages, but said, “I am not searching for a man as handsome as our Prime Minister (Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak), but someone to accompany me in my twilight years. I realise that I am an aged woman. I don’t have the body nor am I a young woman who can attract anyone. My intention to remarry is to fill my forlornness and nothing more than that.”

Hugh Hefner is perfect for Mek! Like Mek, he's older than butter, he's got a strong pimp hand and he can't do sexy times without taking a defibrillator to his genitals. They have so much in common!

(For Joshua)

Lasagna Cat - This pussy right here is like Spaghetti Cat on steroids. Humphrey of North London doesn't even mess with that puny ass spaghetti crap. Humphrey is hardcore when it comes to his Italian cuisine. Apparently, Humphrey is a real-life Garfield who will only eat lasagna and nothing else.

Yeah, I know it looks like he'll eat anything that's covered with meat sauce, but his owner swears lasagna is the only food item that touches his precious lips. Humphrey's owner said, "For a week he wouldn't eat anything I gave him. But a few days later I cooked some more lasagna and he came running. I have no children - he is my baby and if it's lasagna that he wants then it's lasagna he will get."

And now let's bow our heads and say a small prayer for his tortured litter box. You know that thing has been through some serious shit.

VIA Metro (For Judy)

Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov - A 30-year-old bus driver from Norway who was born with the name "Andreas Jankov" officially changed it to THAT above, because he wanted "to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like."

You know, when I first saw a picture of JAGAMCHEJ's precious mug, I immediately had to catch my heart after it jumped out of my mouth in fright. But after that, I thought to myself, "Hmmm. This fine piece with a ginge chin bush definitely looks like a Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka (misspelled for uniqueness) Highlander Elessar-Jankov." I bet if you say his name ten times really fast a nerd boy will win a mint-condition Star Wars Loose Double Telescoping Darth Vader action figure on eBay. That's the equivalent of a thousand crotch orgasms.

And I've been thinking about it for a while now, but JAGAMCHEJ has inspired me to finally follow through and legally change my name to: Lucite Spaghetti Ginge Harvey Cutlets Caliente Cooper K. Or Lucy for short.

VIA Videogum

Violet Hobaugh - Here's another one we can file under: Memaws are not the one! This is 92-year-old Violet of Lebanon County, Pennsylvania. Violet lives without running water or electricity and that's the way she loves it! And if you disagree with her, she'll take a switch to your head!

Violet is somewhat of a neighborhood legend, because she's not afraid to beat a bitch who comes sniffing around her house. Violet says that the electric company has "cased" her house before and is trying to get her to buy just a little service, but she's not about to waste her money on stupid things like electricity! The last time dudes from the electric company came by, she chased them off with a crowbar. Violet said, "I say what I think. I don't pull any punches."

Source

Amber from America's Next Top Model 13: The Midget Edition - Last night ANTM13 premiered and we met Amber, who is either an actress or some crazy bitch who escaped from the local mental hospital. That would make sense since crazy attracts crazy (all eyes pointing to Tyra). Amber claimed she wanted to ANTM for Jesus. Throughout the entire episode, Amber kept shouting how much she loved Jesus. It was like Heidi Montag's Twitter account come to LIFE.

Amber actually made it into the top 14 and I was looking forward to witnessing her fuckery. However, the crazy Jesus-lover didn't show up to the first day of the competition! Amber's ass dropped out for "personal reasons." YES, we got robbed! I'm wondering what those "personal reasons" are? Did she finally get caught by the doctors at the mental hospital? Did Jesus send her a personal memo to stop using his damn name to further her famewhore cause? Was Amber just an actress planted by Ty Ty to make this shit entertaining? Who knows, but I actually miss the loon. I guess we'll have just to rely on Tyra to bring the crazy this season.

London, Brit Brit's former favorite dog friend - When Brit Brit brought the crazy in a major way and went on her Gas Station & Starbucks Tour '08, London was her partner in lunacy. London was trouble just like Brit. Bitch pissed on expensive clothes at photoshoots and did whatever the hell he wanted. Last I heard, London went to live with a family member when Brit Brit calmed the crazy. Yeah, London was always a bad influence!

London is also Hot Slut today, because he is not a cat. You see, a bunch of websites have band together for A Day Without Cats! They will not post anything cat-related all day! So if you're wondering why the internet is less feline-y today, that's why. I didn't join the ban list, because a day without pussy is like a day without dick for me. I can't do it!

Tully from Vh1's My Antonio - This Labor Day weekend, my ass caught up on My Antonio, the Vh1 reality dating show starring Antonio Zapata Jr. It's kind of like Rock of Love but with less pussy shots and weaves and more crying and leis (because they shot that shit in Hawaii).

Tully is Antonio's only ex-wife and he married her ass when he was 18 and she was 28. Tully is now 44 and she's on the show to win Antonio back! Tully doesn't have a job and her parents support her ass, so what else does she have to do? Tully spends each episode crying about everything, throwing Antonio's mother side-eyes and trying to sabotage his dates with the other skanks.

I don't know why Tully is dicking around. Homegirl is built like a linebacker (aka built like Jessica Simpson), so she could easily take down every single one of those hos in one swipe.

Image via Vh1

Michelle Duggar's Uterus - When I first read that Michelle Duggar was knocked up with her 19th baby, my sympathies immediately went out to her tortured uterus, because it never ever gets a day off. Bitch is spent! So while you Americans and Canadians are boozing and bonging this Labor Day, don't forget to pour one out for the hardest working uterus in the game. Poor ass bitch has to work today too!

P.S. - When I googled "Michelle Duggar Uterus," this picture came up. Yeah, I won't be having a pork roast tonight. And her uterus probably looks more like this or this.