Britney Spears

You know that time (just pretend you do) Brit Brit was halfway home from Costco when she realized she forgot something important in the parking lot? No, not her box of beef and cheese Slim Jims. Brit Brit would never forget that. I'm talking about one of her precious Cheetolings!

Well, this is kind of like that time except I don't think Brit Brit realizes yet that she forgot to put on the rest of her outfit. She's like, "Ahs gots this!"

And you know Walmart is going to do a knock-off version of this mess for their lingerie department.

Here's a few more of Brit Brit and her boyfriend Jason Trainwreck at the Grammys tonight.

Here's another set of pictures of the jerky queen of Louisiana for you to add to your fashion inspiration look book. Don't forget to note that the red Solo cup (filled with equal parts Chek Lemon-Lime and Sam's Choice Grapefruit soda) is an integral part of this look.

Unfortunately, I don't have that fancy "get this look" feature that other sites have, but if you go to Bealls.com and enter in code "BRIT BRIT" this entire outfit will pop up (along with the red Solo cup).

If you staggered into your cubicle this morning with chunks of crust hanging off your eyelashes, the musty scent of regret (smells like pubic sweat, well drinks, and canned refried beans) on your bref and wearing whatever the dirty laundry basket happened to cough up, then let these pictures of a beautiful magnolia blossom make you feel like you just stepped out of a frosted episode of Dynasty.

To play fair, it's not like Brit Brit is running off to meet the Quween on the Scene or anything. Brit Brit is leaving the gym. Although, you know she would wear this to meet the QUEEN OF ENGLAND, which is why she'll always be one of my fashion icons. People of Walmart, take note.

And do you think Brit Brit even knows who the "dick" on her shirt is? She probably thinks he's a character on Family Guy.

Daddy Spears will continue to hold the leash wrapped around Brit Brit's ankle until further notice (probably a year). Yesterday in court, The Commish extended the conservatorship with Daddy Spears and the aptly named Andrew Wallet continuing their duties as co-conservators. Radar reports that this conservatorship is forcing Cheeto Holly to dip into her jerky and Mountain Dew fund.

The Commish ordered Brit to go to her mattress and pull out enough cash to pay her daddy, Mr. Wallet and all the attorneys. I hope it's a big mattress, because the check has arrived and this is what it looks like:

Daddy Spears: $16k a month
Andrew Wallet: $174,569.10 for services rendered from Jul. '09 - Nov. '09
Daddy Spears' lawyers: $183,918
Joel Boxer, another lawyer: $62,965.06
And even more lawyers: $50k

$16k a month does sound a lot for a Cheeto sitter, but Daddy Spears makes her Velveeta grits and that is priceless!

I know Brit Brit would probably like to spend her days sitting on the back porch and sipping on a jar of moonshine in between shooting cans of Hormel off the yard fence with a BB gun, but unfortunately she's gotta get back out there and lip-synch some more. Bills have got to get paid. Or maybe she can make a pretty penny by selling her weave to science.

Do my eyes deceive? Did the graceful Cheeto bloom known as Brit Brit Spears really take a rusty Ginsu knife to her seaweave mop? Is this Brit Brit's hair in its natural state? The answer is: NO. It looks like Brit Brit merely replaced her longer extensions with shorter ones. And it still looks like it was the scene of a raccoon orgy.

At this point, Brit Brit's scalp has been pulled and prodded so much that it probably looks like the asshole of a power bottom pepaw (aka my future). Hair doesn't grow there anymore.

Anyway, here's Brit Brit shopping for more ponchos in Los Angeles yesterday.

Elle Magazine couldn't choose between Lady CaCa as Vadge circa 1993 or Brit Brit's Cheetolings for their January '10 cover, so they went with both. That's nice and everything, but they probably should've eased up on the Photoshop trigger. Homegirl's eyebrows look like they are on loan from Grandpa Munster, but I'm glad they kept that sparkling "Ahs Will Kill Your Car Windows With Mah Umbrella" look in her eyes.

Brit's Cheetolings look adorable despite the fact that SPF might have a broken neck now, and JJ definitely made a butt brownie (with roasted almonds) in his pants right before this picture was taken.

And here's Brit celebrating her 28th birfday yesterday by dressing up as DJ Jazzy Jeff.

After 9 long months, Brit Brit's "Mah Pussy Is Hanging Out" world tour came to a close in Australia and she returned to Los Angeles last night. Brit's lips get a rest from synching, her arms can take a breather from waving around and maybe her scalp will finally get a long soak in a Calgon bath and a stiff DRANK. Seriously, Brit's scalp has been through some serious shit thanks to that ratty tatty weave.

Homegirl's weave looks like it got in a boxing match with a kangaroo and LOST EVERYTHING. Why didn't a dingo eat her weave and put it out of its misery?

Courtney Love packed up her shopping cart and took her acts of crackery from the House of Twitter to her new home at Facebook. Courtney really hasn't missed one beat. Movieline posted a couple of Courtney's horrifically amazing rants about her ex-boyfriend Edward Norton and Brit Brit Spears.

First up is Ed Norton. According to Court, Ed's shit logs have curly moustaches and regularly tie innocent damsels in distress to train tracks. Just smile like this makes sense:

IF something happens to me, NO my will is NOT at Greenberg Glusker, that will is FORGERY…i created a new one per lISA FERGUSONs attorney who cannot be FOUND but that needs altering as it has Edward in it and Norton doesn’t have a CLUE how evil his own BM is he wont fuck a future Senator/Film Actor but hell purposfully refinance Kim Cobains Property i bought her cash outright, for the 12th time using a phony address due to some fuck up on some Bogus “ART FORM OF THE CH 13” R TODD used, leavng KIM COBAINS PROPERTY REPOS…SESED< “you have an hour to get your things” wtf did Kim Cobain do to YOU… so its best to never tell let alone kiss and trell i m shcoked at myself i never kiss and tell unless im really mad at an ex for like LOSING 300,000$ of my kid hes supposed to be paternal abouts money, oh yeah Norton just LOST 300k.

When is Rosetta Stone going to come out with a Courtney Love version, so that most of us can fully understand her crackisms?

If your eye holes aren't filled with barf, continue on to Court's claim that Daddy Spears child touched Our Ladies of Cheetos:

britneys dad molested her , imagine the father that molested you owning you for slavery while your forced to sing songs picked for thier sexual content every night, insane right? i have it on First had authority, and fight as hard as she is and does she still didnt pull that card, its a pride thing i can relate to, However they want to play dirty, lets go, Im SO not affraid of the little trolls who hit this when i was fucked up who are called lawyers. lets GO.

Courtney's lawyers, The Offices of Crack and Pipe, aren't going to like this. Although, Court does have it on First had authority, SO she has no reason to be affraid.

And what does Frances Bean Cobain think of all of this?

There you go.

Reeeeejoice! There's one less Ed Hardy-wearing bag of butt plugs walking the streets! TMZ brings us the beautiful news that Brit Brit's former gas station escort is going off to the chokey. Adnan Ghalib was sentenced to 45 days behind bars for hitting a process server with his car last February. Last month, Adnan pleaded no contest to leaving the scene of an accident.

In addition to the 45 days in the clink, Adnan was placed on probation for 36 months and he must complete an anger management course as well as 45 days of hard labor. Unfortunately, the hard labor doesn't include cleaning the chunky jam out of Daddy Spears' toes.

So that's that! Now you can go back to forgetting Adnan Ghalib exists. Well, until your next bikini wax. Unfortunately, you'll think of him when your waxer asks if you want a landing strip or a baby crotch.

Image: INFDAILY.com

While us mere mortals feast on the regular-sized Cheetos, Brit Brit's royal Cheetolings nibble on majestic Cheetos from the processed foods GODS! SPF's potato-sized Cheeto is not to be confused with Cheetos Giant. That shit is child's play for SPF. Well, since he's a child, I guess that would mean it's fetus play for him.

Anyway, here's Brit Brit looking sophisticated and glamorous in the best fashions Big Lots has to offer while strolling around in Sydney, Australia with her Cheetolings and her bought-and-paid escort.

You know, upon further inspection of SPF's giant Cheeto, it looks kind of plastic. Oh Cheesus. Don't say it's a Cheeto dildo. DON'T! I would hope that Brit Brit keeps that locked up.