Britney Spears

When Oprah offered a free grilled chicken lunch for one day only, the site went down in a quick minute. All signs point to KFed, because he was probably refreshing and printing like crazy! Homeboy needs to get as much free chicken as he can since he's basically running out of cash. How does Brit Brit expect a stoner like KFed to get in his 50,000 calories a day on only $40k a month?! Triflin'!

A source tells the National Enquirer (via MSNBC) that KFed gets $40k a month including $20k for the Cheetolings, but it's still not enough for him. KFed is pouring BBQ sauce over that money and devouring it up! Both figuratively and literally! The source went on to say, “Kevin has blown through millions of dollars. When he and Britney divorced, Kevin continued the superstar lifestyle, and he spends all the money that he gets. Kevin can't afford the rent, his help, the food and the booze it takes to keep up his home."

Daddy Spears better open up Brit's wallet and pay up, because when KFed gets the hongaries in a serious way, there's no telling what he's going to do! One of the Cheetolings could accidentally spill hot sauce on his shirt and GULP. Gone within seconds.

Here's KFed and his piece terrorizing the streets of Vancouver yesterday. "I want mo monies and pie!"

Every year, Heidi Klum and Seal renew their vows, because they are full of love....and themselves....and money. So why not, I guess? Usually, they go down to Mexico, but because the pigs are coughing on everyone and giving them the shits, they opted not to. Instead they threw themselves a "white trash" themed party at a friend's beach house in Malibu. You know, because she's knocked up, so they thought it would be heeeee-larious. That is RACIST towards Brit Brit!!! And seriously, if they were going to do this shit, they should've done it right and hired Our Lady of Cheetos as their wedding coordinator.

I mean, Heidi Klum braided her hair, Seal wore a mullet wig, an Elvis impersonator presided over the ceremony and they decorated the joint with pink flamingos. What the fuck kind of white trash wedding is this?! Where's the screaming naked baby on the arm of the bride? Where's the possum on a barbie? Where's the PURPLE DRANK? Where's the mattress surfing? Where's the bouquet made out of Natty Ice cans? This is just a bunch of rich hos trying to do it Spears-style and failing!

Here's more pictures from this bunk ass affair including some of Debra Messing who I think got confused and thought it was a BLOODS themed wedding.

While security was taking a brain vacation, a crazy Brit Brit fan (totally redundant, right?) fluttered onto the stage while she was performing at the Mohegan Sun in Connecticut last night. The Cheeto lover managed to get right in Brit Brit's face before anyone even realized there was any stalker shit going down. If you watch the clip above, you can see Brit Brit is just sort of standing there, kind of paralyzed (or maybe that's what she calls dancing?) while he busts his glitter on her.

Brit probably asked him, "Is yooz tha purdy purdy fairy thet visited me in mah dreams last night? Eff ahs jump on yer shoulders will yooz fly me to tha lands where it's always Christmas, Cheetos grow on trees, Frapp rains frum tha skies an' mah pussy is nevah hangin' out?" Before he could answer her, Brit's back-up dancers and security shuffled him away.

According to TMZ, police say the 20-year-old Britaloonie goes by the name of Kyle King and had obviously been getting crunk last night. PURPLE DRANK, I assume? Anyway, Kyle got real grouchy-like with police, so they arrested him and booked him for effing with the cops. Kyle was released this morning on $250 bail.

You'd think that after the PURPLE DRANK haze wore off, Kyle would've immediately strapped himself into a straitjacket and checked into the nearest loony bin, but he didn't do this. Instead, he went on YouTube to explain the fuckery! Kyle says he's not crazy, he wasn't drunk and he's not Chris Crocker. Okay, okay, whatever you say! I think I'm more concerned about his blonde hair/dark eyebrow combo. How should I feel about this? I mean, some of my favorite gorgeous cholita beauties have platinum hair matched with jet black Sharpie eyebrows. Hmmm... I'm going to take a bong hit and process.

During Brit Brit's "I Kin Move Mah Lips An' Wave Mah Hans" show in Oakland the other night, one of her extensions broke free of the track and made a break for it. Methinks it took the line "out of my head" as its cue. The extension is now on a Greyhound bus to Miami where it plans to shake the jerky dust off of itself. It won't go far, though. When it crosses through Atlanta, Kim Zolciak's mangy beast wig will trap that ho and make it parts of its harem.

It's totally weird, but nothing makes me more happy than seeing a busted ass weave track or extension lying on the street. It confirms to me that broke down skank hos still exist in the real world and that makes me happy.

P.S. - What in Monday-to-Friday Helsinki is going on in that clip? It's like a scene out of HBO's Real Sex from the 80s.

VIA TMZ

Got Dayum! SPF is serving up a whole lot pose right here on a warm bed of fabulous. POSE. SNAP. HEART. CLASH. FACE. FLASH. BEAUTY. FACE. POSE. PINK. CRASH. FACE.

Homeboy is proving that he's ready to take over the family business right now! By family business I don't mean professional Frapp drinker or resident pink wig-wearer. I mean lip-synching FOR HIS LIFE while shaking his hips in front of thousands of Cheetoloonies. Move over Brit Brit, there's a new Cheetoling coming to take your crown. GIT IT!

And I'm not sure why Brit Brit and her boys look like they were cut out using safety scissors and glued on that Candie's background with Elmer's, but it's not about that. It's about S-P-F. Wurq!

VIA Breathe Heavy

It was hard for me to watch this video without knowing exactly why in Chester Cheetah dingle Hell Brit Brit is not the one eating the world's largest Cheeto?! This I don't understand. For some reason, Cheeto sent over the world's largest block processed powdered cheese to Gizmodo. Adam took it upon himself to slowly devour the whole thing. If Brit Brit ever sees this, she might electrocute herself from licking the monitor so hard.

Seriously, maybe the world's largest Cheeto looked too much like her lil' Cheetolings right after they were born and she thought that was weird, so she turned it down? Because that deliciousness has her name written all over it. I'm not joking. If you look really close you can see her initials.

Anyway, Adam actually finished the whole thing. When he did, his mouth looked like he just licked on Prince Hot Ginge's ass. I'm jealous!

(Thanks Rose)

The next time you get caught by the police doing some wrong shit that will make Jesus shake his head in shame, just shrug your shoulders and explain, "I was just joking, officer! When I shanked that bitch in the eye for stealing my stash, I meant it as a joke! Durr." You can thank Brit Brit's stalker for that excuse.

As some of you hos may know, MC Hammer was arrested Thursday morning for trespassing on the grounds of Brit Brit's House of Cheetos with a video camera. After she was released on a citation, Miranda Tozier-Robbins told Access Hollywood (via OK!) that it was all a joke and she didn't mean it like that.

The Cheetofucker reached into her pee-hole and pulled out this LOLexcuse, “The whole thing — it was all a joke in the beginning, everybody knew about it. It was supposed to be like a ‘Paparazzi 101’ documentary type deal. What originally was supposed to happen was, I was going to tape whatever I could get. I would be like, far away doing a stakeout. It didn’t work out as planned, so when I was already halfway there in the mountains [around Britney’s home], it was already Wednesday night/Thursday morning ... I already knew Britney herself wouldn’t be there, but it’s like, I came that far, I might as well go see the house, at least get the house on tape, because I know people would be interested in seeing stuff like that. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you understand? She’s coming through on the tour, on the stop, it’s like take your chance. Take the opportunity, do it. It wasn’t really stalking her, it was more plotting out how to get to her house.”

That explanation was ripped from an episode of Cops. You know, when I took a hit of my bong this morning, I wasn't really trying to get high, it was more like me trying to plot out how to get high if I wanted to. Sense: Miranda T doesn't have any.

You know what's the biggest joke of them all? The fact that a crazy bitch will hike through the mountains to stalk Brit Brit Spears. You just have to laugh to keep from choking on your own tears over that one. I mean, homeboy risked getting mauled by a mountain lion for a Cheetotard! That is too much work. All Miranda had to do was set up camp near a random bag of Cheetos and wait a few seconds. It wouldn't take long for Our Lady of Cheetos to sniff it out and stroll right in.

"Mahs Pappy is druggin' me!!!" That's what Brit Brit Spears is reportedly telling her friends. Some source (*cough*osamalutfi*cough*) tells Look Magazine (via Showbiz Spy) that the Cheetoneck thinks Daddy Spears has upped her medication to keep her druggy druggy and under his spell.

The source said, “Britney is sure her father is out to get her and that he’s drugging her to turn her into a zombie who won’t fight back. Ever since her breakdown last year when she was hospitalized, she’s been on prescription pills to battle her panic attacks. Her doctors have also prescribed anti-anxiety drugs Valium and Ativan to deal with stress and to help her sleep. As part of the court-ordered conservatorship, Jamie has to make sure Britney takes the correct dosage because she forgets to take them otherwise. But lately she’s been nodding off randomly in the middle of conversations and is convinced it’s because Jamie’s giving her too much much."

Brit Brit has apparently been secretly texting Landing Strip again asking for his help. Oh, Brit. Just lay back, enjoy the ride and watch the glittery Chester Cheetahs dance around in the sparkly Frapp rain.

For real, I do not see the problem here. If my daddy made me cheese grits with VELVEETA and fed me Valium like it was Rollitos, not only would I never leave home, I'd also nominate him for Daddy of the Millennium! I would even ignore the horrific fact that he always wears his cell phone on the outside of his pocket. Just pour some Valium grits in my mouth and I'll do whatever you say!

American Idol breeds crazy stalkers! Basically. Yet another American Idol auditioner was caught creeping up on a celebwhore. Yesterday morning, 26-year-old Miranda Tozier-Robbins was arrested after Brit Brit's security people found her roaming the grounds of the Cheeto Kingdom and looking into the windows. Miranda was wearing camouflage and carrying a backpack with a video camera and strap-on inside. Okay, I made up the strap-on part, but it's probably true.

When security told her to eat a snatch and get the steppin', Miranda "balked at their requests." Yeah, who do those security people think they are! Miranda was invited there by Brit Brit herself! Well, not exactly Brit Brit herself. Miranda was eating a Slim Jim one day and after she bitch (typo, but it stays) into one, she noticed her teeth marks left an impression that perfectly resembled Our Lady of Cheetos' precious face. Some hos see Jesus in their Slim Jims. She saw Cheesus! Then Brit Brit's Slim Jim face opened its processed-meaty lips and said, "Saaaaaaaaaave me, yoo trimenjus flat top dyke! Saaaaaaave me! Mah pussy is hanging out for you. Merry Christmas! Rock with your cock out. Saaave me!" So that's what she was doing.

Security finally pulled Miranda's ass of the property and called the police. Miranda was booked on charges of trespassing and disorderly conduct. She was released on a citation and will have to show her face in court on June 16th.

Crazy really does attract crazy. For Miranda's sake, I hope they have flannel straitjackets at the loony bin she's eventually going to go to.

Source: USWeekly

Brit Brit's Circus of Cheetos '09 tour came to a fucking stop last night in Vancouver, 15 minutes into her lip-synch and pork rind shaking act. When Our Lady of Cheetos left the stage after her third song, the hobilly didn't come back! The audience was left in the dark for about 30-minutes without any kind of explanation.

Finally, a voice came down from the heavens (aka the loudspeaker) and said: "The building is awfully smoky. It is uncomfortable for everyone on stage, including Ms. Spears. Please extinguish all cigarettes – this is a non-smoking building, and the show will resume when the smoke on the stage is cleared."

Once the smoke cleared or whatever, Brit Brit finished her little hoedown, but the audience was not pleased. The long ass break killed their boner and many of them were fucking over it.

Brit's spokesbitch later said the smoke fucked with the crew members and made them "ill due to a ventilation issue." The spokesbitch went on to say that the smoke came from cigarettes and not marijuana. Yeah, but at the end of the show, Brit Brit told the audience " Thank you, Vancouver! You guys have a wonderful night. Drive safe, don't smoke weed and rock out with your cocks out. Peace motherfuckers!" It's in the video above.

Okay, telling hos in Vancouver to not smoke weed is like telling Phoebe Price to not pose or telling Wonky McValtrex to not put penises in her vagina all the time. The good green shit is in the air in Vancouver. It's part of the oxygen. If they stopped smoking weed, they would DIE! True fact.

This is what REALLY happened. When the Cheetoling got on stage, she smelled the beautiful herb in the air and it took her over! She became The Hulk! But instead of wanting to throw cars and shit, she wanted to devour everything in sight. So she ran out of the arena and headed to the nearest 7-Eleven where she cleared the place out. There wasn't a single Funyun left! I think she even ate the Slurpee machine. That's why they told everyone to stop smoking, because it creates a Cheetos-ravaging monster and fucks with her lip-synching skills. I mean, we all know homegirl is one with her bong.

And bitch needs to stop with the "rock with your cock out" shit. She sounds like a Von Dutch trucker hat from 2002. She should start telling the audience, "Hang yo pussies out, motherfuckers!"

Story: People - Video: ONTD