Britney Spears

The two horny possums are at it again, so says Star Magazine. They claim that Brit Brit and KFed are bumping hog pits all over the place during her tour. I'm sure Brit Brit just can't keep her Cheeto-covered paws off of KFed now that his chichis are bigger than hers. When he jiggles it, her twatty lips clap.

One source said , "It's like they're newlyweds all over again. Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."

Brit Brit and KFed haven't been too careful, because another source said his girlfriend Victoria Prince "caught him with his hand in the cookie jar."

The source must have heard it wrong from Victoria. KFed's hand was literally in a cookie jar filled with Nutter Butters. He thought he would be nice, so he brought Brit Brit a jar of NBs along with an economy-sized bag of pork rinds and some hot sauce. For old times sake.

You know how KFed and Brit Brit are both serious about their eats, so they got all nekkid, because clothes can be distracting when you're trying to get down to business. Then when a little hot sauce fell on KFed's fat titty, Brit Brit licked it off. It's a scientific fact that hot sauce tastes better to hillbillies when mixed with a little underbooby butter. Victoria didn't see any kind of wrong shit! She just saw too old friends bonding over their favorite pastime!

Image: Fame Pictures

All the coockoorochas (as my mom calls them) from Brit Brit's past life were back in court yesterday to deal with the restraining order against Sam Lutfi. They all had to get on the stand and say a bunch of words to convince the judge to either cancel or extend the order. During the hearing, Sam's lawyer John Anderson, told the court that the Cheetoling feels like she's in prison and that Daddy Spears is giving her emotional distress.

If that's fucking prison, then handcuff me to Daddy Spears, search my cavity (you might find that sock you lost in the wash last week) and lead me to the land where a pot of Velveeta grits is cooking on the 24! You can't get that kind of deliciousness in real prison. And if you did, a bitch cut your face with a shank for it. Brit Brit needs to turn off My Big Redneck Wedding and watch more Bad Girls. Then she'll be schooled on what real prison is like!

In a super surprising move (slap me with your eye roll), Brit's lawyer testified that her client didn't want to be anywhere near Sam Lutfi and his caca-eating face. When Brit tried to get away from him, Sam threatened that he'd release some scandalous shit about her daddy. I'm guessing the "scandalous shit" involves Daddy Spears' peen in a bowl of grits while wearing Brit's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" outfit. That's not so shocking. Not when it's done by a Spears anyway.

Brit's lawyer went on to tell the court that a voicemail going around isn't Brit Brit, but she believes that it's really the voice of Angelica Pickles from Rugrats. That bitch was always jealous of Brit. No, Brit's lawyer said she thinks the voicemail is a falsity and isn't her client's voice.

The court will hear closing argument in the neverending restraining order dramaaaaa on April 21st. The STAY THE FUCK AWAY order against Sam has been extended until then. And in sad sad sad sad sad news, Dollhouse Dude did not attend yesterday's hearing. I should take that as a sign. I mean, when Dollhouse Dude stops giving a dick about this shit.....

Source: USWeekly

Crash. Smash. Pink. Cheeto. Weave. Busted. Possum. Photo. Shop.

When you're looking at non-paparazzi pictures of Our Lady of Cheetos, it's pretty much known that they were sent through the ole' Photoshop wind tunnel at least a dozen times. But I think those whores got a little too excited. The bitch has no stomach! They slap chopped it in half! They could have spent more time making her weave look like a raccoon didn't just chew on the ends.

Anyireallywantagiantcheetoballwithmilkthismorning, these two works of CGI are for Brit Brit's ad campaign for Candie's. Their new day shift stripper collection is now available at Kohl's.

VIA Daily Mail

The baby bitch in this voicemail is apparently Our Lady of Cheetos and was made back in January. It was posted by the dude who owns the Brit Brit fansite that Daddy Spears is trying to take down. He couldn't put this shit on his own site, so he posted it on JFXOnline instead. Landing Strip used to pap for JFX, so you do the math. Actually, don't. It's too late in the day for math.

Brit Brit was scared that Daddy Spears was trying to take away her cheetolings, so she called a lawyer dude and left the message on his voicemail.

You know, after listening to this around three times, a uterus grew in my body and quickly shriveled up in seconds. This means only one thing. That's not Brit Brit, it's OCTOCRAZY!!!!! I'd recognize that crazy baby whisper anywhere! Hey, at least OctoCrazy is trying to support her ten trillion babies by taking a job as a Brit Brit voice artist. Crazy impersonating crazy!

Adnan Ghalib is that roach in your house that just won't die. You drop a roach motel on it, you shoot it with a gun, you play a Heidi Montag song for it and it still won't just die! It keeps coming back and that's what Adnan is doing. Just when I was staring to be able to look at a velcro strip without thinking of that skeezer, he's back. And Brit Brit takes 100% of the blame for this, because apparently she's still sending him text messages. Adnan can't reply, because if he texts back, he'll be biting a bar of soap while his ass gets torn to pieces in the clink.

A source tells The Sun that Brit desperately wants him to show her a little love back, “She keeps sneaking messages to Adnan begging him to help her win back her freedom. She says she is lonely and misses being able to date the men she chooses. She feels trapped. She has been begging him to meet her and help her come up with a plan to get out of her dad’s conservatorship. Some messages have got back to her via her hairdressers and style team - but Adnan cannot contact her otherwise he will face jail.”

Maybe this is Daddy Spears at work and he's trying to trap Adnan into replying, so he can send his skanky ass to jail? Operation Wax The Strip! Yeah, probably not. Brit Brit is totally stripmatized and it needs to stop. His face: I'm sick of looking at it.

It's kind of shitty for her since Daddy Spears has her chained up. She can't get over a bitch the way we all do: go out, get boozed, pass that ass around and then cry our shame away in the shower. Seriously, getting dicked in large quantities really does work wonders.

Or else her pussy would be hanging out. It's on the brink. I'm sorry. It has to be said every single time until she says something else worthy enough to replace it like, "Mah nipples is a chaffin'!" Or something.

Daddy Spears allowed his little Cheetoling to take pictures at the after-party for her "I Ain't Crazy But My Pussay Is" tour at Tribe in Montreal last night. I'm getting small flavors of Vadge in these pictures. Well, Vadge without the He-Man action figure body.

And if Brit isn't on the bad shit anymore (only on the med shit), what does she need a coke pinky nail for? Oh, bitch probably uses it to scrape the Cheetodoo off her teefs.

The restraining order Brit Brit's masters filed against Adnan Ghalib has just been extended until 2012. Daddy Spears and his bitches originally asked for the order when they found out that Brit Brit was talking to Adnan and Sam Lutfi on a pre-paid cell phone. Daddy Spears claimed Adnan was trying to fuck with the conservatorship, so that he could get more shit out of his little Cheeteroni.

At a hearing today, Adnan failed to show his landing strip in court, so a judge stamped a big "fuck yes" on the extension and called it a day.

I'm sure Brit Brit is making an oh-so-sad face since I think she was landingstripmatized by Adnan's ass. Hey, don't knock the pubie runaway. Adnan can eat and exfoliate the coochie at the same time. Brit Brit will get over it. Daddy Spears can give her a piece of velcro to rub her bits on when she's missing Adnan. And now Adnan can slide into the gutter again so we don't have to hear from his ass anymore!

The video for Brit Brit's new single Fuck Me (aka If You Seek Amy Fisher) is here and I'm pretty sure Daddy Spears shot this shit on the video camera my mom got on layaway in the 80s from Gemco (which she still has). SPF and JJ donated one week's allowance to be used as the video's budget. Seriously, Kim Zolciak from The Broke Hos of Atlanta just sent this video a text: "You low-budget bitch!"

In the video, Brit Brit is skankwhore who has no-sex orgies with gay dancers and likes to sofa dance with football-themed fly girls, but on the outside she's a brainwashed June Cleaver-type. Yeah, this is shallow end deep.

And this shit below should've been the official video. End of story. (And no, that's not Posh):

Brit Brit and her peek-a-boo pussy spent a little time with her chirruns at a hotel pool in Miami yesterday. You know, she needs to relax her ham hocks a bit, because she's been so busy mouthing words to songs and teaching kiddies amazing new words like "pussy" at her concerts.

Methinks this is the same pool where Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were first photographed together last year. Ergh. Why do I know such things? Why can't there be a place where we can go to get this kind of shit erased and replaced with more important things like being able to remember every Pop Tart flavor ever made. Hmmm. Maybe LSD can do that. I'll check.

Here's more of Brit Brit with her boys yesterday afternoon. Our Lady of Cheetos never got in the pool, because she's banned. If they get a floater in the pool, they'll have to shut the whole thing down and they're not going to take that chance by letting her in.

There has been so much talk about Brit Brit's pussy today that I'm starting to get a craving for microwaved pig gristle covered in melted down puffed Cheetos and creamed beef.

And now there's a video of Brit Brit declaring that her shaved possum has tried to escape. My new voicemail message is at the 0:30 mark. I'm sure ten million remixes will follow. It's Britney's pussy, bitch.

Here's a few pictures of Brit Brit keeping her poon tucked in while shopping in Miami yesterday.