Liza

Liza Minnelli has a pair of priceless eyebrows that make me want to lounge on them while smoking skinny cigars and mouthing the words to a Judy Garland song, so she can pretty much do no wrong. BUT I cannot ignore the full-blown fuggery she wrapped herself in last night for the Sixty in the City 2 premiere in New York City. Bitch. What.

Liza looks like a honey glazed ham wrapped in an oven bag and ready for roasting! Just sprinkle some pineapple rings and cloves on her ass. And I'd never thought I'd ever write this sentence, but what in the name of David Gest's cunt plug is going on with her chichi area? Did Phoebe Price's chicken cutlets hug on to Liza's titties so that they could get their picture taken at the SATC2 premiere? If so, those bitches are good.

The rest of the hos at last night's premiere were almost as messy as Liza's Party City ensemble. In order: Suzanne Somers, Johnny Weir (still in 1960s serious lesbian wear), Mrs. Rojo, Kristin Davis, JLove, Dayglo My Little Pony, Kim Cattrall, Chaz Bono's puckering no-no, and Bo Derek.

In 2004, Liza Minnelli's former chauffeur M'Hammed Soumayah sued her for $100 million, because he claimed she forced him to cum up her roses. M'Hammed said that Liza not only sexually harassed him, but she spit on him during drunken rampages. According to M'H, Liza threatened to send him to the back of the unemployment line if he didn't wipe the spit off of his face, rub it on her pussy and make it ziiiiiiing.

Well, the New York Post brings the news that Liza and M'Hammed have settled the $100 million lawsuit for an undisclosed sum. M'Hammed was making around $283,000 as her chauffeur.

The image of Liza playing with her nipples while saying, "It's M'Hammed Time! You CAN touch this," is going to get me through the day. Or it might be the death of me.

If they ever made a horror version of My Chauffeur, they can use this story as inspiration.