Brats

Keri Russell's little bundle of baby is almost completely melting my coal heart. ALMOST. Then my brain snaps in telling me that those baby things caca on your hand, pee pee on your fine things and scream and shout while you're trying to watch Conan O'Brien. If they didn't do that, they would be precious to me.

 

Who knew Keri could pop out such an adorable baby? Well, she's pretty hot herself so it makes sense. Here's Keri with Jennifer Garner and Violet walking around aimlessley in NYC the other day.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Spice Girls brought all their kids up onstage last night in London during their song "Mama." Posh made all her boys wear "Posh" shirts. The only kid missing was Geri's little Bluebell Madonna. Blueballs is already a diva. She's not about to share the stage.

 

All kids wore earplugs, because they couldn't risk Posh's mic accidentally being turned on during the song.  

 

They should do the audience a favor and hand out earplugs at the entrance just in case.  

 

 

 

 

 

After being pregnant for like 35-years, Helena Bonham Carter, finally popped out a little baby. This is Helena and Tim Burton's second kid together. They already have a boy named Billy.

 

Helena's rep told People Magazine , "They are absolutely delighted they have a daughter." Helena is currently starring in Sweeney Todd which Tim directed.

 

I'm not going to hold my breath for a crazy celebrity baby name from these two. You would think you'd get something fucked up from them, but it's always the crazy ones who dish out normal names. The couple had a girl. They are probably going to name her something boring like Emma or Elizabeth. Just no more Jennifers. The name Jennifer should be banned from being used. Jennifer should go extinct. I know like 100 Jennifers!

 

 

 

Forbes Magazine has named the spawn of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Shiloh-Nouvel, as the most influential infant. The magazine looked at web and press coverage to determine their list. They narrowed their list down and then turned to a marketing research firm for awareness data for the kids and consumer-appeal rankings for their celebrity parents. That's a lot of work for a bunch of babies.

 

They chose Shiloh as #1, because they found over 2,000 articles about her just in the past year. Here's how the rest of the list worked out:

 

 

Maddox was too old for the list. A list about influential babies is a little weird, but ok?

 

I just don't see how they couldn't have included Jayden James in their list. Shit, actually Brit Brit herself should've been #1. She's the biggest Hollywood baby of them all.

 

 

 

JLo is reportedly having twins, a boy and a girl, and she's already spoiling their asses. Are we surprised? This is the woman who wore mink eyelashes. Rush & Molloy reports that JLo has registered for gifts at Petit Tresor in Los Angeles and is asking for all sorts of overpriced crap. Here's what the bitch wants:

 

2 cashmere outfits, one blue and one pink - $349 each

2 moses baskets - $225 each

1 jogging stroller for two - $560

2 Peg Perego strollers for 2  -  $429 each

 

JLo has also hired Petit Tresor to decorate three nurseries in her 3 homes in Bel Air, Fisher Island and Oyster Bay. Each nursery will reportedly cost her $40,000.  

 

I'm surprised she's not getting them fur coats and Versace gowns. What is the point of a $349 cashmere outfit for a newborn? It's only going to vomit and shit all over it. That baby could give a fuck if it's wearing cashmere.

 

Jogging stroller? I feel sorry for the nanny. You know JLo's fat ass is going to be the one jogging around with the twins. The nanny is. I hope she has a strong heart.

 

 

 

Jack Nicholson is a dog and is proud of it. In an interview for Men's Journal he said he can't commit to one woman and that thinking he could live the married life was a mistake he's made. He said, "We have more in common with a male dog than we do with a woman in this department. This may be male chauvinism in a certain context. But, baby, it's also science."

 

Jack has been with so many women that he thinks he could have around 9,000 kids out there. "There could be 9,000 for all I know – I used to live so freely. You can’t get too wild these days but I’m as wild as you can get.”

 

9,000?! Imagine the child support payments on that one. Jack is suddenly going to get a shit load of morons claiming to be his kid.

 

Source , Source

 

 

 

Take a good look at these babies. They are the spawn of Nancy Grace and I only expect the most evil of things from them. I mean, Nancy is their mother. UsWeekly has the first photos of Nancy with her twin babies, Lucy and John. The babies were in the hospital for a little while, but they are out now and ready to destroy the world!

 

Nancy said, “It was difficult bringing only one baby home on Thanksgiving, but David and I were thrilled to have our daughter come home days later.”

 

Nancy carrying two little, innocent babies is such a weird picture. I'm waiting for her to devour them like a praying mantis.

 

Nancy has her healthy babies and all is well in the world. Now get back to your show, Nancy! Please!

 

 

 

Will Smith told People Magazine that his 7-year-old daughter, Willow, is the next Paris Hilton.

 

He said, "And Willow is Paris Hilton. Willow wants to be on TV." 

He's comparing his daughter to Paris Hilton? Jada Pinkett better dyke slap her homo husband for that! I'm pretty sure his daughter is nothing like Paris and if she is he better get her therapy NOW.

 

Willow makes her screen debut in Will's film "I Am Legend" and he said he was surprised at her work ethic. "You don't work with Willow. You work for

"Willow was out there and she has her stuff on and she's cold and she's getting a little irritable. And she looks at me and says, "Daddy, I don't care how low it goes. I'm going to finish.';"

 

Whatever happened to letting your kids be kids? Yeah, that doesn't really exist in Hollywood.

 

 

 

Drea de Matteo and her boyfriend, Shooter Jennings, had a baby girl last night reports E!'s Planet Gossip. Drea is the chick from the Sopranos and Joey.

 

Those crazy hippies named their baby Alabama Gypsy Rose. They forgot the "Lee" part.

 

Let's see with that name she can either be a stripper at a roadside club in Oklahoma, a failed folk singer or a chain-smoking cocktail waitress at Waffle House. Basically, she's going to be hot. 

 

 

 

 

According to People.com Usher and Tameka Foster popped out a baby boy last night. Usher's spokeswhore has not yet commented, but apparently she gave birth in Atlanta. Tameka will go home tomorrow.

 

Usher, 29, and Tameka, 36, were married on September 1st.

 

Oh please let them choose some effed up name. We haven't had a truly bad baby's name in a long ass time. Winter's here and I need the laugh to keep me warm. I'll help them out. His name is Usher, so naturally their baby should be named Flashlight. What's an usher without a flashlight? I know...I know....Get the gong!