Brats

 

My family Sundays were spent yelling at each other, slamming doors and then making up over an episode of "America's Funniest Home Videos." Not Kate Beckinsale and her family. They get mani/pedis together on a Sunday afternoon. Ahhh...Hollywood.

 

I have some bunk ass feet and will never let a strange bitch touch them! Especially with tools and crap. I'd let a bitch suck em. That's the more erotic way of getting your feetsies clean. Let some ho lick up the jam. Just don't kiss them afterwards!

 

 

Splash

 

 

 

Anthony Kiedis and his girlfriend, Heather Christie, have named their newborn son, Everly Bear. Anthony named his baby after his favorite band, The Everly Brothers.

 

He said, “We had a long list of names, but I suppose it came to me by way of the EVERLY BROTHERS, which is one of my favorite bands. The mama came up with Bear. That made sense to me because he’s from me and I feel like I’m part of the bear clan, and I think it’s nice to have a little bit of earth in your name.”

 

The name isn't what annoys me, it's his reasoning. They've been smoking way too much weed. All earthy and shit. Weed baby!

 

Let me try and use Anthony's way to name my first born. My favorite band is ABBA and I like kitty cats. ABBA Pussy! Perfect! I hope she's a girl, because for a boy's name that's just vicious.

 

Source: The Sun

 

 

 

 

Is there like only one pumpkin patch in all of Los Angeles? They all go to the same damn one. Ooooh I get it! There's only one patch where they will be photographed, guaranteed.

 

Heidi Klum and Seal brought their family out yesterday. Henry Klum has become my favorite celebrity brat! He looks like one grouchy bad ass. Heidi needs to stop his crying by giving him anything he wants! He's probably crying, because his mother made him wer a damn midriff t-shirt!

 

In addition to Heidi's clan, pocket hottie Mark Wahlberg brought his daughter and son. So cute! His kids, not him. He's looking like a stale bag of bread crumbs in the face. His daughter's going to be taller than him in like 2 years. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Nolte and his 38-year-old partner, Clytie Lane, had a baby gir last week their pr whore announced today. The unnamed baby was born last Wednesday weighing 7 pounds 13 ounce.

 

This is Nick's second kid and Clytie's first.

 

CLYTIE! Is that short for Clitoris? I'm sure it's pronounced differently, but I'm still going to call her Clittie. They should name their daughter Labia. It's the right thing to do.

 

I'm surprised that pepaw's junk still works!  

 

Source: CBS2

 

 

 

Introducing John Edward Thomas Moynahan! He is the son of Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady. Tom dumped a knocked up Bridge for Gisele Bundchen. Bridge got back at him by keeping his last name off of the birth certificate.

 

Apparently, Bridge did get paid for this photoshoot in OK! Magazine , but donated it all to charity.  

 

He's cute. He looks like a baby. I mean he's barely a month old!

 

 

JJ is thinking to himself, "I thought the other one was supposed to drive!? Hold me!!!!" It's actually really cute how SPF is comforting JJ. I think JJ's stunned from all the cameras. Brit is in her own world as usual.

 

In other Brit news (because there's such a lack of it) UsWeekly claims that inhaler she's been toting around is her diet secret.

 

A source said, "Britney doesn't have asthma. She's using the chemical epinephrine found in asthma medications, as an appetite suppressant."

 

Obviously it's not working! How many of those 2,500 calorie Starbucks Crappuccinos does she down a day? Her doctor probably got wise and told the pharmacy not to fill it with anything. Brit's like "this stuff is really working! I'm so not hungry, but I sure am thirsty! Starfucks anyone?!"

 

 

Images: Splash

 

 

 

 

 

Fuck, we're all getting so old. Little Jen Keaton had a baby. People reports that Tina Yothers, 34, gave birth to a little boy today. This is her 4th brat with husband Robert.

 

Jake Kaiser was born at 6am this morning in Orange County, CA. He weighed in at 8.8lbs.  

 

Tina recently was a part of Celebrity Fit Club where she lost a bunch of weight.

 

All these child stars I grew up with have families and shit and it's depressing. Jen Keaton is a 4-time mother, Stephanie Tanner is knocked up! Who else? OMG, even Margeaux from Punky Brewster has a baby! Damn....l

 

 

 

Imagine Charlotte Church giving birth? Bitch's screams probably peeled the paint right off the walls. Ugh and I bet you she had massive meat farts during birth. Meat farts are when your gas smells like steak! Delicious.

 

Anyway, Charlotte finally popped one out yesterday morning. She gave birth to a baby girl weighing in at almost 7lbs. It has been reported that Char used a birthing pool as well as the assistance of two midwives. She gave birth at her farm in Wales.  

 

This is her first child with boyfriend Gavin Henson.

 

The baby girl's name has not been announced, but Char has said in the past she would name her Ava.

 

I feel less bloated knowing she's finally given birth. She looked like the Goodyear Blimp! Congrats to Char and I can't wait for the annoying comments from her that will surely follow!  

 

 

 

 

 

I'm happy that Salma Hayek finally popped her baby out, but I pray those magnificent chichis will not go down! They are the eighth world wonder! 

 

After being knocked up for 10 million years, Salma Hayek finally gave birth to a baby girl yesterday. Salma and her rich as hell pepaw boyfriend, François Henri Pinault, have named her Valentina Paloma Pinault.

 

It's her first brat and his third. The two are engaged, but no word yet on when they are going to make it legal. Who cares about getting married now?! Salma's set now that she's had his child. I say leave his old ass and go live on a farm with Penny Cruz. That way you can bump ginas all day and all night without a bother!

 

Congrats to Salma! Valentina is a beautiful name although I'm a little sad she didn't name her Chichi.

 

Source

 

 

 

I knew Charlie Sheen had some sort of secret love child, but I've never seen pictures of her. This is Cassandra Jade Estevez with Charlie's fiancee Brooke Mueller. She was born in 1985 to Charlie's girlfriend Paula Profit.

 

I'm also pretty sure Charlie Sheen has more than one secret love child. He's probably slept with every call girl from here to Tokyo. They could start a cult and shit.

 

Cassandra is sooo Beth Ditto 5 years ago.

 

 

 

Source: Celebrity Babylon