Janet Jackson

Ms. Jackson if you relevant, cuz' PETA on her like red paint on a fur muff!

Janet Jackson's had it shitty since Justin Timberlake ripped her nipple cover off at the Superbowl that time. America blamed the black girl for being sexy(?), and completely forgave the pussy-ass white boy who was equally in on it and then let him make too many fucking appearances on Saturday Night Live.

Janet can barely sell a record now, and she's been reduced to becoming the spokesass for Nutrisystem! Case in point - the last couple of Nutrisystem spokeswomen have been Topanga from Boy Meets World and Marie Osmond. Those may seem like career lows, but like a phoenix from the ashes - Janet has pissed off PETA by launching a line of dead animal skins with Blackgama. PETA being mad at you keeps you in the spotlight. For a day. But still!

"When Janet Jackson had her infamous 'wardrobe malfunction' during the Super Bowl, at least the flesh that popped into view was her own," writes PETA's Jeff Mackey. "Unlike the stolen animal skins that she drapes herself with, which are as dead as her taste in fashion (not to mention her career). Ms. Jackson, you're just plain nasty."

They've named her "Grinch of the Year 2011." Neither Penny from Good Times or Blackgama has responded. She just can't hear them through her mink babushka.

My Dad won "Grinch of the Year" in 1986 when he threatened to stand at the bottom of the chimney with a shotgun and blow Santa away when he came down. The joke was on him, because we didn't have a chimney! He drank.

 (via Buzzfeed)

Some of you in Toronto might have been wondering why the stores were sold out of Crisco, every crane in the city was rented out, latex poisoning experts were put on standby and the Tug of War champion was flown in. It wasn't boys night at the pop-up Scientology Center. Janet Jackson's tour hit Toronto and that's pretty much what it takes to get her into that labia-crushing Tron suit.

The look on Janet's face accurately expresses how her crotch is feeling at that very moment. That shit looks like a camel toe with Morton's syndrome. Like a baby mole trapped inside of a plastic bag. Not only is Janet flattening her clit like a fettuccine noodle, but this is also fueling the old rumor that she's got bendy straws for ribs.

I bet Janet employs a full-time CPR technician who gets her coochie breathing again as soon as she gets off stage. Hmmm. Maybe that's the whole point. Janet might be a genius.

At last night's For Colored Girls premiere in NYC, Roshumba, a model type who's also a judge on that She's Got The Look mess, showed up looking like her asshole was trying to play a game of Hongray Hongray Hippo with her dress. Wearing Mrs. Brady's honeymoon outfit out in public is one thing, but wearing a dress that sucks to your nalgas and makes those around you think that your no-no could suck the mole off of Blake Lively is another. The only thing I have to say about this is, where did Roshumba get that dress, because Gay Al Reynolds is going to want one in every damn color.

Here's a few more pictures from last night's premiere which doubled as the Super Bowl of eyebrow game. In order: Roshumba and her "look at this power bottom" dress, Janet Jackson with her piece guest, Thandie Newton, Macy Gray, RUBY DEE!!!!, Ashford & Simpson, Phylicia Rashad, Loretta Devine and Patti LaBelle.

A little over a week ago, Lenny Kravitz turned SoHo into StrutHo when he stepped out in leather wedge boots that set fire to the cobblestones which caused a cloud of fabuousness to envelope the neighborhood. Basically, Lenny Kravitz was dressed like an elite member of Grace Jones' national army, but at the Lanvin show today his look was straight up off of SamRo's bedroom floor. Nonetheless, it's still a "wrassle up some pussy" outfit.

And just when I was about to once again give Dita Von Teese another award for excellence for eyebrow-ing at the highest degree, I come across this "hit the brakes" beauty:

While Dita's brows scream in your eyes and cover your retinas with black dust, this beauty's brows softly whisper into them. It's as if a centaur gently scooted across her brow area. Okay, okay, Dita still wins, but this goddess is a close second.

Here's more of Lenny, Dita and Janet Jackson with her billionaire piece at the Lanvin show in Paris today.

Okay, to be fair to Janet Jackson, she only looks like she snarls at the Whos while perched atop Mount Crumpit in the picture above. In the rest of the pictures, she doesn't look like she's going to snatch away Christmas anytime soon. The photographer just caught her at her grinchiest moment.

Here's more pictures of Janet at London Fashion Week looking aaaaaaaaalmost as naturally gorgeous as La Toya (I don't mean that, La Toya). Janet was also lucky enough to pose with the sexy matchstick known as Tilda Swinton.

Entertainment Tonight says that Janet Jackson and Colin Farrell had an "intimate" dinner together at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week. Colin and Janet were sitting side-by-side in a booth.

No, Janet was not using Colin's pubes to floss her teeth after their meal. No, Colin was not hitting Janet from the back while she was bent over the table. No, Janet was not dipping Colin's peen into blue cheese dressing and smothering it all over her lips. They were just having dinner. But obviously they must be swapping genital jelly, because celebwhores cannot have dinner together unless they are doing sex to each other. Factual.

And Colin's Polish girlfriend just had a baby! Colin should be at home burping babies, not running around town burping vaginas.

During a cold night recently, Detective La Toya made Janet Jackson a Hot Toddy, sat her down in a leather armchair in front of a roaring fire, and told her that she conducted a thorough investigation on their brother's death, which revealed that he was killed by the hands of Dr. Conrad Murray! A wolf howled, a bolt of lightning struck the night and the truth came crashing down on Janet. In that moment, Janet not only realized that La Toya is the second coming of Sherlock Holmes, but suddenly everything made sense.

In an interview with ABC News, Janet echoes La Toya's statement that Dr. Con killed their brother, "He was the one who was administering. I think he should be responsible." Janet believes that he should never be able to practice medicine again.

Dr. Con has admitted to administering the anesthetic propofol, but he seems to think that he didn't kill Michael.

Dr. Con just needs to give it up already. You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape Detective La Toya!

UsWeekly is shouting that Charlene Duprey and one of the long-lost Keebler elves have quit each other after 7 years. A source says that Jermaine Dupri was telling people that the reason why he didn't go to Michael Jackson's memorial was because he "doesn't attend funeral," but the truth is he wasn't with Janet anymore.

Apparently, Janet decided that she wanted to keep her peen time and business time separate. The source went on to say, "You shouldn't mix business with pleasure. Janet felt their lives were too crossed and they should have kept things sepa­rate. Jermaine likes to be out there, mingling with everybody, and ­Janet's more shy."

Or maybe Janet was just sick of having to answer a riddle every time she wanted to spend time with Jermaine.

Here's a clip that will wash off the thin layer of skeeziness left by the grand master of whoring Joe Jackson (see below). Janet didn't walk the red carpet or promote anything, she simply just spoke from the heart before a tribute performance by Ne-Yo and Jamie Foxx (no comment on that one).

Jermaine Dupri showed his love for Janet Jackson by getting a tattoo of her a few steps from his hairy pit area. This isn't confirmed, but I'm pretty sure that's Vadge's sascrotch is leasing space on Jermain's pit. I'd recognize that overgrown pussy bush anywhere! Somebody please put a maxi-pad over it!

I know you're thinking that the tattoo is a little big, but it really isn't if you think about it. I mean, Jermaine is the size of a Travelocity gnome, so that tattoo isn't bigger than your thumb. See, not that big.

Hopefully, Janet doesn't feel like she has to return the love token by getting his lil ogre face tattooed on her. That would be considered body abuse.

VIA the.LIFE Files