Hot Slut of the Week

Birthday: February 29, 1928
Age: 80
Birth Name: Annie Blanche Banks

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 13, 2008
Claim to Fame: American Burlesque and film star! Tempest started doing burlesque in the late 1940s. In the 1950s, she was dubbed "Girl with the Fabulous Front."

Where is she now? She still shakes her shit today, but keeps it classy. You won't see Tempest's elegant ass on a stripper pole.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Tempest proves that you should never retire the sexy. I'm also going to start campaigning for a feature film version of Tempest's life starring international supermodel and box office star, Phoebe Denise Price! Chicken Cutlets was born to play Tempest. Although, I don't think Tempest has cotty cheese thigh. I'm joking! Neither does Chicken Cutlets!

Birthday: ?
Age: Pepaw age
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 11, 2008
Claim to Fame: Father of Denise Richards and the breakout star of her reality crap show "Denise Richards: It's Complicated." He also used to work for the telephone company, so he gets extra points for that. Why does he get extra points? I don't know why, he just does.

Where is he now? Probably taking a nap. Pepaws are always taking naps.

Why is he HS of the Week? Irv is the only reason to watch Denise's show. He sort of reminds me of Mister. Rogers. Every time Denise tells him something that might shock him, his response is usually, "Oh boy" or "Oh gosh!" I'm waiting for him to say, "Cheese and crackers!"

Below is a clip of Irv getting waxed, spray-tanned and groomed for an event. The shit he goes through for his hooker daughter.

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Mia Michaels

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 5, 2008
Claim to Fame: Mia is a dance choreographer from Florida. She's worked with Vadge, Celine Dion, Prince, the Cirque du Soleil sluts and many other whores.

Where is she now? Mia is currently a guest judge and choreographer on "So You Think You Can Dance?"

Why is she HS of the Week? Because bitch reminds me of my high school drama teacher. She's pure emotion. Mia also claims to be strictly dickly....for now.

In this interview with Curve Magazine, she said, "I've always been with men. But I am also a very free spirit and I believe that who we fall for is more about the human spirit and not sexuality. I've been with men because that's who I have connected to at this point in my life. But who's to say? I have no idea what tomorrow will bring or who I'm going to meet. That's just how I look at it." Basically, she's a straight gayelle aka a HoHan.

AND! Mia's daddy was the original Marlboro Man!

Birthday: August 12, 1971
Age: 36
Birth Name: Michael Schwartz

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 28, 2008
Claim to Fame: Bitch made a name for himself with "The State" which later became a show on MTV. He was also in "Wet Hot American Summer" and "Celebrity Poker Showdown."

Where is he now? His book "My Custom Van: And 50 Other Essays That Will Blow Your Mind All Over Your Face"is coming out soon. Yes, that title is too short. He also did an interview with Gawker about the book and other shit.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because I learned that he's the voice of the sock puppet from the Pets.com commercials.

Bonus! Below is a video of MIB reading the letters he wrote to the first girl he ever finger banged:

Birthday: March 28, 1975
Age: 33
Birth Name: Kate Kreider

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 19, 2008
Claim to Fame: Baby maker and reality TV star. Kate has given birth to twins and a set of sextuplets.

Where is she now? Kate is currently in her fourth season of "Jon & Kate Plus 8."

Why is she HS of the Week? Because I want to see Kate and Michelle Duggar battle it out in the end. Battle of the traumatized chochas!

Birthday: June 18, 1957
Age: 51
Birth Name: Andrea Evans

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 11, 2008
Claim to Fame: This hot slut created the role of Tina Lord Roberts in "One Life to Live." She left the show and NYC in 1990 because some crazy stalker dude threatened to kill her ass.

Where is she now? Andrea has returned to the place where she belongs....Llanview, Pennsylvania! Andrea is back on OLTL playing Tina. She also recently played the role of Rebecca Hotchkiss on Passions.

Why is she HS of the Week? This bitch was no joke! When I was a little gay boy growing up, I would record OLTL on VHS just to watch Tina. Below is a hot scene between Tina and one of her main enemies, Maria Roberts. It's shitty quality, but the brilliance of Tina manages to shine through.

This week, I was torn between chichis legend Maxi Mounds and andro-hotness Miyavi, so I'm declaring both of them winners this week!

MAXI MOUNDS

Birthday: October 25th
Age: 33 (according to her MySpace)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 6, 2008
Claim to Fame: Basically, she's famous for having the biggest fake chichis in the universe. She's the current Guinness World record holder.

Where is she now? Probably doing (WARNING: link is NOT SAFE FOR LIFE) THIS!!!!

Why is she HS of the Week? One of her 20lb chichis could easily put a bitch in a coma with one bop to the head.

MIYAVI

Birthday: September 14, 1981
Age: 26
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 3, 2008
Claim to Fame: He started out as a guitarist with the band Due le quartz. After the band broke up in 2002, he went solo and a legend was born!

Where is he now? He's currently on the "This Iz The Japanese Kabuki Rock" world tour.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because I don't know whether to make out with him or go shopping for nail polish with him.

Birthday: ?
Age: 45
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 25, 2008
Claim to Fame: Sonia stars in the reality show "Operación Repo." I'm pretty sure they only show this shit in California. The show follows repo dudes and chicks in Southern California. Sonia is the manager!

Where is he now? Rumors has it that they are currently shooting "Operación Repo: The Movie." YES! Sonia on the big-screen.

Why is he HS of the Week? She's a cholita from the dark side. Enough said.

Birthday: December 13, 1941
Age: 66
Birth Name: John Hamilton Davidson Sr.

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 22, 2008
Claim to Fame: John does it all! He's an actor, singer and game show host! His ass is best known for hosting Hollywood Squares in the 80s and The $100,000 Pyramid in the 90s. He was also in "Edward Scissorhands."

Where is he now? Bitch has been doing the Civic Light Opera circuit. He's been in "Man of La Mancha" and "Kismet." Theater queen.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because he needs a major comeback! Here's a clip of John playing a female impersonator in an episode of "Streets of San Francisco." Pure talent!

Birthday: September 13, 1966
Age: 41
Birth Name: Michelle Ruark

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 11, 2008
Claim to Fame: Michelle is known for being a super baby machine. She has 17 kids and she's knocked up with her 18th. All her children's names begin with the letter J.

Where is she now? Most likely having a pep-talk with her vagina. It's scared. Very scared.

Why is she HS of the Week? Michelle is devoted to the art of baby making, but I love her mostly for her gorgeous and luscious locks. Michelle has the hairstyle of the future. Click here to see pictures of The Duggar Family home. They have a fucking deli in their house! Below is a video of Jim Bob & Michelle announcing to the world that they are expecting baby 18.