Panty Creamer of the Day

Not pictured: The dozens of hands coming for Karolina Kurkova's blond ponytail. Somebody needed to yank that ginge-stealing hussy tramp's hair and drag her away for shamelessly air kissing on Prince Hot Ginge in front of all of us. And if we could see Karolina Kurkova's face, you know she'd be saying, "And he's anointing me with his scepter too, you jealous whores," with her eyes. It's like eating warm hot carrot bread in front of a starving orphan.

The clouds are covering the sun, millions of genitals have gone into hibernation and we can all put our lube with SPF away, because Prince Hot Ginge has finished scooting across America and is going back to England today. The last stop on PHG's tour was a charity polo match in Greenwich, Connecticut yesterday afternoon.

It's a sad day in America, but PHG will be back in a few months for the birth of his quadruplets with Karolina Kurkova (yes, air kissing with PHG immediately leads to a severe case of the BABIES!!) and the birth of his ginger centaur baby with the horse he rode in yesterday's match (yes, PHG can knock up a horse even when he rides it with protection).

And Karolina Kurkova should shellac the inside of her nostrils, because she's obviously inhaling a huge PHG fart here. Never wash your nose again, KK.

Hold my calls and shut the blinds, because I know what I'm doing the rest of the day.

Dozens of people in Colorado Springs, CO were temporarily blinded and struck down with the sudden urge to repeatedly orgasm today when Prince Hot Ginge's ass and legs went up in the air during a game of sit down volleyball with wounded service members at the Warrior Games today. The gloriousness was too much for some people's retinas. PHG can still makes b-holes pucker even when he looks like a gleeful bottom spider having missionary anal sex with an imaginary top spider. To quote Bill Murray in Groundhog Day: "It's so beautiful....let's live here!"

And here's the video of PHG going ass up and legs out today:

Johnny Cash must've been a future seer, because I'm pretty sure PHG's piping hot culo was his real inspiration for Ring of Fire. And it burns, burns, burns...

Just one day after a crazy bitch threw a pubes-covered electric razor at him, Hugh Jackman was back at the scene of the crime, Gotham Gym in NYC, yesterday. If Hugh stops putting muscles on top of his muscles while surrounded by a bunch of hot, sweaty dudes in wet tank tops, the pube-throwing stalkers have won!

I, for one, am glad that Hugh JackMeOff isn't going to let some crazy lady and her flying nether region fur keep him from the gym, because if he did stay away, we'd never get these pictures of him looking like an angry bullfrog trying to keep his ass from exploding while getting DPed. And now I know how that crazy bitch feels, because looking at Hugh's veiny dick arms is making me want to throw pubes at the screen while declaring my love for him.

Here's Shemar Moore flexing his calzone pecs while hanging out with a Corona and a piece who is all tattooed and nalgitas in Miami. These pictures would be so much better (read: fappable) if Shemar was holding his bare peen instead of holding a Corona bottle and they'd be even better if he was frolicking naked on a gay beach like it was 2007 instead of frolicking half-naked on a regular beach, but it's the end of the day so I'll take what I can get.

And I'm taking note: in Florida, you can openly run around with a Corona in hand, but here in CA I have to pour my beer in a damn cream soda bottle when I go to the beach. Beer is really not the same when you're sipping it out of an A&W bottle.

My dumbass was way too hypnotized by Anna Paquin's black licorice dress that I completely missed these pictures of the distinguished afghan hound Adrien Brody at the Tom Ford party with his girlfriend Lara Lieto. Lara Lieto's the chick who was caught clit fucking Adrien Brody in the butt on a yacht. Lara Lieto really did win the life lottery. One day she's taking Adrien Brody from the back on a luxurious yacht and the next day she's escorting him to the finest (not really) pre-Oscar parties! I don't think Lara is wearing lipstick and that make-up looks like it's been sitting on her face for 10 days straight, but I can't blame her. You too wouldn't repaint your face if you were busy dry bumping your crotch into Adrien Brody's popped out butt. Adrien doesn't always wear a fancy scarf around his neck for fashion purposes. Adrien wears it, because when he turns it around, Lara can grab onto it and use it as a rein when she rides him from the back. Giddyup!

The other day, my friend and I were talking to each other on IM and he asked me to name all the dudes I'd sell my family on the black market for. After I told him my list included Adrien Brody, Gonzo from Shahs of Sunset and Colin Kaepernick, he pretty much let me know that I'm a kinky nose fucker who probably farts out boogers. He does have a point. It would explain why I've been known to Google the question, "Is it safe to use a plastic gag nose as a dildo?"

Here's more of Adrien Brody looking like Doug with a wig on at the Tom Ford party last night.

While shoving a pizza and nachos taco (a piece of pizza folded over a mound of nachos) into my eating hole during the Super Bowl yesterday, what I really needed to see was a chonies commercial starring a male model with -25% body fat and abs like a turtle shell. Nothing makes you feel good about the bloated gut hanging over your eatin' pants like a dude who has been in a gym since birf!

Because most of watch the Super Bowl for the sea of bulges, Calvin Klein gave us man nipples and oiled up thighs in their commercial for their Concept Underwear line. More commercials like this, Super Bowl commercial makers! Because after I watch 6'7", 300lb pound dudes stick their faces in each other's butts, I really want to see a half-nekkid and greased up Matthew Terry flexing all ten million muscles in his body. More of this!

And it's a good thing that pizza taco grease doubles as lube.

Three things:

1. After four long months in Afghanistan of sleeping in a room full of sweaty, half-naked hot pieces and making the scorpions in the desert wish they could fap to the image of him in uniform, Prince Hot Ginge is finally going back home to Britain. The media can stop talking about Duchess Kate's royal fetus and start talking about PHG's royal jewels instead. Everybody whip your phones out, because PHG will get drunk, he will take all of his panties off and we must get a picture of his royal ginger scepter and globes this time. Don't fuck it up.

2. The Daily Mail published a really long interview with PHG where he talks about fighting on the front lines and dropping off his laundry.

3. Because PHG is on his way home, a bunch of pictures of him in Afghanistan were released today. This picture of PHG giving a handy to an invisible dick while cleaning under his peen hood is taking me places. But the picture of PHG in yarn pigtails is a beautiful gift. Pet store owners are removing the basket of kittens from their front window and replacing it with a basket full of this picture. It's that precious.

On last night's very special Halloween episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Mama June made Sugar Bear squirt out gallons of panty honey (or maybe, panty marannaise) when she dressed up like Marilyn the Hutt. The 7 year itch has been scratched. Where was a queefing subway vent when we really, really needed one?

via Too Fab 

I know your nipples knobs are barely hanging on to your areolas since you almost rubbed them off while eye drooling at those pictures of a topless Sean Penn looking like Tarzan's drunk uncle who shoots his arms veins up with homemade roids, but I'm sure you will find a way to rub your nipples some more to these pictures of Jude Law getting wet in Maui.

I totally would for 3 reasons:

1. If you waxed that pussy muff on top of his head, he'd have a glorious hairline like Beetlejuice after a haircut. Or like the dude from Love It or List It.

2.  Jude's chest fur looks like a hairy shadow and it only accentuates his man pecs.

3. I'm guessing that the carpet matches the drapes and by that I mean, Jude totally prunes his crotch bush into the shape of a Batman mask so it matches his hairline.

And all those 3 things put together = SWOOOOON right out of your chonies.

I was going to post that picture STUNT QUEEN RiRi tweeted of The Difficult Brown looking like he passed out while jacking off to Bart Simpson, but there's already enough grossness on the front page, so I thought I'd give you some beauty and glamour for a change.

Your no-no is probably puckering so hard that you're pretty much stuck to your chair and that could only mean one thing: Richard Simmons is here. While on his way to breakfast in Beverly Hills yesterday morning, the gay dandelion, who is solely responsible for keeping L'eggs in business, made the paps get moist by posing for them on the street. The next time you order an iced tea at a restaurant and the server asks you if you want some hummingbird juice with that, just remember that hummingbird juice is what hummingbirds jizz out when they look at Richard Simmons posing for his life.

And the sight of a human rainbow dressed as a butterfly is nothing new to Mariah Carey. This is what she sees every time she has an orgasm.