Lily Allen

 

Lily Allen lost 19lbs in 6 weeks, because her doctor forced her to eat right and work out. Lily was diagnosed with a heart murmur and was put on a diet.

 

She said, "I have been asthmatic all my life, but this was really quite scary. When they asked me how much exercise I did, I had to be honest and say hardly any."

 

Lily has also cut back on her partying and boozing, but not the smoking. "I was going pretty crazy back in the summer, drinking way too much and partying loads. But now I don't want to drink so much, I've been cutting back. I should also give up smoking, but haven't quite managed that yet."

 

Did she ever think that maybe she has asthma, because she smokes? It's Lily Allen we're talking about, so the answer is a big fugly no. Bitch just needs to quit the cigs and stop being such a nag and everything will work out in the end.

 

I don't know what ginger nuts are, but they sound delicious. Wait, is she talking about Prince Harry's nether regions? That got me hot.

 

Source: Press Association

 

 

 

Agent Provocateur have chosen Lily Allen as the new face and body of their latest ad campaign. Maggie Gyllenhaal was the last celebrity to star in a campaign and we all know how that turned out. Lily reportedly snagged a six-figure deal.

 

A source said, "The owners of Agent Provocateur, Joe Corre and Serena Rees, are delighted. They feel her natural look will appeal to a lot of women. She's in amazing shape since she lost the weight, and the pictures of her are absolutely incredible."

 

22-year-old Lily recently said she lost a lot of weight from hypnotism. Being hypnotized forced her to go into the gym. What a load of crap. More like she was hypnotized by the surgery light over her as the fat was sucked out of her. Let's be real.

 

Why must AP continue to hire the most annoying women ever! Who's next? Keira Knightley?

 

 

Lily Allen hasn't been heard from for a little while, so she's decided to get back into it by slagging off Posh Beckham in You Magazine .  It's the easiest way to get a little press.

 

She said,  "It does make me laugh to see pictures of Victoria Beckham on the front of a magazine. I think, 'You are not promoting anything, you don't need the money, so all it's about is being famous.' And I can never imagine my life being about being famous. I make music, that's what I am here for. I would never go out and court publicity. I am in such a good place, it wouldn't occur to me."  

 

Oh I forgot. In addition to being an annoying brat, Lily is also a serious musician. I always forget she makes music. I started to think she was a professional shit talker. Like me!

 

Here's some shot of Lily (at least they tell me it's Lily) in You Magazine. 

 

 

 

 

Lily Allen's little brother, Alfie Allen, will star in the U.K. tour of Equus. This is the same production that Harry Potter aka Daniel Radcliffe took it off for. 

 

21-year-old Alfie recently starred in Atonement with Keira Knightley. Equus writer Peter Schaffer saw him in Atonement and recommended him for Equus.

 

The play may transfer to the West End.

 

Alfie do everyone a favor and take your film and play money and fix those busted butter wedges! Those are some effed up teefs. I could grate cheese on that shit, they are so jagged! Anyway, that's my showbiz advice to you Alfie! Oh and keep your lips shut. Don't go annoying people on your MySpace like your sister.

 

Source

 

 

Gala Talbott told The Sun that she's Lily Allen's secret sister! Gala claims that Lily's father, Keith Allen, knocked up her mother 16 years ago and has since been cut off from the family. Gala said she invited Lily to her 16th Birthday, but she's never met her.

 

Gala's mother, Angela, said, “Keith was with me because he wanted something exotic. But he probably never wanted a baby with a black woman."

 

Keith paid for Gala only after her mother took him to court. He has since cut her off.

 

Gala said, "My dad is nothing to me. He’s never been there for me as a father. I’ve seen him perhaps only three or four times in my whole life. I don’t know him and I don’t ever want to see him again.

“The only thing I expect is for him to provide for me because I’m his child — and that’s the decent thing for him to do."

SCANDAL! 

Angela said she's speaking out now, because she wants Keith to keep paying for his daughter. She said whenever she calls him for money he tells her to "fuck off" and hangs up. Do you blame him? That's exactly what I do when someone calls asking for money (the bill collectors). I hang up on those skanks! 

Lily better watch her ass, because Gala looks rough! Bitch looks like she hides razors in her hair just in case a fight should go down. I wouldn't mess with that bitch. 

You can visit The Sun if you want to read the entire article. It's long as hell.

 

 

 

Lily Allen's daddy, Keith Allen, said he used an eight-month old Lily to sell nitrate poppers! Keith would bring baby Lily along with him to the Glastonbury festival while he sold drugs and used her as a marketing tool.

 

He said, "I didn't see what was wrong with taking little Lily along with me as a sales tool rather like the homeless lads do with dogs." 

"Cute puppy guarantees punters will stop and stroke it and therefore give you money. Lil' sat next to the stall gurgling in a pushchair while I cranked up the sales patter and knocked out the lager."

 

Um.....I think I'd rather buy drugs from the homeless dude with the beat down dog than buy drugs with a baby staring at me. That's a buzz killer. 

 

This reminds of that hooker who turned tricks while her babies were in the backseat!!!! She even did coke off of one of their bellies while breastfeeding!

 

Sometimes you just gotta bring the kid to work!  

 

 

 

 

 

I despise Kiki Dunst, but I actually love her when she shows the snaggle. She's like the Little Vampire! Anyway, she actually looks decent here but I can see the gross in her eyes.

 

Kiki's like a Jack-O-Lantern, round faced, snaggle-toothed and rotten on the inside!

 

Here's Kiki with Karl and Lily Allen at the Chanel show in Paris today. Karl takes souls, so beware.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lily Allen showed up to the GQ Men of the Year Awards last night cleaned up and looking like a lady. Well, a lady pig in a dress. It didn't take long for annoying Lily to...well...annoy everyone around her and get kicked out! Back to the trough for you!

 

During Madonna's presentation Lily oinked loudly pissing everyone off.

 

A witness said, "Lily was being rude and loud, she was chatting all the way through and it was painfully obvious. At first nobody noticed but then it was evident what she was doing – even Madge gave her a look."

 

When Lily got up to go to the bathroom the bitch fell, because she was so sloshed! When she started smoking in the venue near a "No Smoking" sign that's when her people gathered her up and tossed her out before she could cause them anymore problems.  

 

Lily seriously is a pig. She'd be the kind of bitch that would fart during sex and not even apologize!

 

 

Source

 

 

 

 

Lily Allen was involved in a minor scuffle yesterday that left her all wet. During reggae singer, Bobby Kray's set at the Notting Hill Carnival yesterday, Lily got up onstage and tried to take the mic from him. Bobby probably wasn't into giving some of his set time to her, so he wrestled her for it. Lily then pushed him off the edge. Bobby didn't let it go and he grabbed Lily's beer and poured that mess all over her head. Lily ran offstage! 

 

A witness said, “Lily looked very drunk and was talking in a bad Jamaican accent. Then she just pushed him off.

“He wasn’t happy. He grabbed the Guinness from her and threw it over her head. Everyone cheered and she ran off embarrassed.”

It takes a certain hotness to pour beer over someone else's head. That's wasting precious elixir of the Gods! I've seen Lily several times live and the only time she was remotely entertaining was when bitch was drunk! So I say get that ho drunk, because she needs it. 

Source: The Sun

 

 

 

It's a homeless lesbian gang! No, it's just Samantha Ronson and Lily Allen. Damn, they look like they woke up on the inside of a Salvation Army discount bin. Here's these two lovely lads going for lunch in London today.

 

At Saturday's V Festival, Lily Allen spoke out about her Visa issues in the U.S. She called George Bush a "fucking cunt." Hey, no fair! Get your own nickname for him Lily. That's one is taken by me.

 

She went on to say, “I’ve been banned from America. That’s nice. Oh well, that means I can’t go back there. Good.”

 

Good is right! We've got enough annoying fug of our own to deal with.

 

Image: Splash