Lily Allen

Ignore my post below about critics expecting Lily Allen to win everything at the Brit Awards. She didn't even win her table centerpiece. They don't sit at tables, do they? Anyway, Amy Winehouse, Artic Monkeys and Fratellis won in her categories. Oh well. I guess shit talking doesn't pay off. The list of winners: * British Male Solo Artist James Morrison * British Female Solo Artist Amy Winehouse * British Group Arctic Monkeys * MasterCard British Album Arctic Monkeys “Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not” * British Single Take That “Patience” * British Breakthrough Act Fratellis * British Live Act Muse * International Male Solo Artist Justin Timberlake * International Female Solo Artist Nelly Furtado * International Group The Killers * International Album Killers “Sam’s Town” * International Breakthrough Act Orson * Outstanding Contribution to Music Oasis Source

Lily Allen is expected to take at least one Brit award tonight in London. She's nominated for Best Album, Best Female Artist and Best Breakthrough Artist. Many critics are expecting Lily to take all three categories. Lily is up against Corrine Bailey Rae and the outspoken Brit had a lot to say about her. Lily said, "Corinne Bailey Rae? I think she's a bit boring, sorry. She's a lovely girl but I don't think her music stands out and I'd be a bit annoyed if she won Best Female Artist. I'd be really happy if Amy Winehouse wins, though. She's brilliant." Catfight! I agree. I get Corrine mixed up with...well mixed up with lukewarm water. Here's hoping Lily sweeps the Brits!

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Lily Allen was brought up with money and privilege, but claims she didn't get much love from her parents. Lily's parents were successful in their own right. Her father Keith Allen is a musician and her mother is a film producer. They were so involved in their own lives they didn't have much time for poor Lily.

She said, "I probably did lack the tender loving care that most kids get if their mum's at home all the time. I suppose, all I wanted was for someone to give me a big hug but that never really came. I feel like I've dealt with a lot of emotional s**t people don't deal with until their twenties or thirties and I am on my way of figuring out happiness."

I know...who really cares right? I'm just stalling on Anna Nicole news. I'm so over it, so I had to write something. Lily, you're loved now. Ok, that was that.

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British singer, Lily Allen, is currently making a splash in the US. Her album "Alright, Still" has debuted on the Billboard charts at #20 and she's currently on a mini-tour of the States. Yeah, she's hot shit but it's a little particular that Kate Moss is afraid of her. Lily has developed a friendship with Pete Doherty, a fact Kate doesn't like.

Kate has even gone so far as banning Pete Doherty from attending the BRIT Awards, because Lily will be there. The demand came after Kate discovered a gift Lily had given him.

A source said, "Kate went ballistic and kept shouting about why he had kept the gift from Lily after all these months. Pete insisted that she was just being paranoid, they were just mates. But Kate was having none of it and said that there was no way he was going to the BRITs if Lily was going - especially as she wasn't going herself."

Wait, I thought these two were broken up? They are back together? I can't keep track. They break as often as Petey breaks his veins.

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Lily Allen has blasted another pop star. This time she's attacked fellow Brit, Madonna. Lily said that the only reason hos buy Madge's albums is because she has a saggy vagina and they feel sorry for her. Ok, she didn't say that....only in my dreams. She said people only buy it, because she's famous.

Lily said, "I never say anything unprovoked but an interviewer asked me who, in my opinion, was the most overrated pop star. And overrated for me is someone who sells a lot of records because of who they are. And I don't think people buy Madonna's records because they think they're really good."

Amen to that! Now Madonna will use her powerful vagina to cast Lily out of the music industry forever! Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

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Dr Harry Witchel is an expert in physiology and music and was asked by Nokia UK to conduct a study to find the saddest song ever. He analyzed people's physical reactions to certain songs and came up with a short list. He measured their "tune trigger quotient" measuring heart rate, respiratory response and skin temperature to find the saddest, happiest and most exhilarating tracks.

The happiest songs were LDN by Lily Allen, Dancing Queen by Abba and Shiny Happy People by REM.

The saddest song ever was The Drugs Don't Work by The Verve.

Dr. Harry said, "Music is undeniably powerful at triggering different emotional states. Changes in tempo and frequencies induce profoundly different emotional states."

Personally, any song by Parasite Hilton is the saddest. Her slutwhore voice makes me want to scoop out my genitals with a rusty spoon.

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Lindsay Lohan is going to be effin pissed! Apparently, Karl Lagerfeld has become so taken with Lily Allen that he's considering her for the face of Chanel in 2007. She recently attended a show in Paris and also had a meeting at the Chanel HQ.

A source said, “Lily burst on to the scene as the Queen Of Chav with her trainers and huge gold earrings. So it’s hilarious she has been asked to work with Chanel, one of the most famous fashion houses in the world. But, like any girl, she loves high fashion. Nothing is set in stone but Karl believes she has come up with a look that will define 2007. It’s all about wearing really classy clothes in a different context. He is keen to dress her and work with her.”

Expect Lindsay Lohan to be caught on tape saying "Lily Allen is a c-u-next-Tuesday."

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