Plastic Surgery

Madonna was on "Today" this morning to discuss her new chicken cutlets. Actually, she was on to talk to creepy Ann Curry about her documentary called "I Am Because We Are." It's about orphans in Malawi.

She also talked to Ann about her own experiences with adopting little David Banda. Madge said the adoption process has been difficult, confusing and invasive. She said she has been finger printed 20 times and has had social workers come through her home. Of course it's fucking difficult! She's adopting a kid not buying a Volkswagen.

Madge's faux British accent was intact through the whole interview. You know, it didn't bother me. I was too distracted with Ann Curry's creepy soft "interview voice." The bitch has serial killer voice! It's the voice you hear after you've been kidnapped and tied up at the bottom of a well. The serial killer crawls down, holds you, strokes your hair and tells you in creepy Ann Curry voice that everything will be okay. I'd rather hear Madge's phoney British accent than Ann's phoney "I care" voice.

Celebitchy has a transcript of the interview if you care. Below is the video, but let me know if there's issues with RedLasso. I stopped using that shit, because it was freezing up people's browsers (including my own). They claim they fixed their shit and I haven't had a problem, but let me know.

Here's some pics of Madge's new face at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of documentary in NYC last night. I also threw in some Rosie O'Donnell.

There's really no pretty way of saying it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Lara Flynn Boyle has straight-up invited the fug into her life. She invited the fug in and even poured it a cup of tea. SAD! She used to be so effin hot. I'm not even playing. She used to be goddess hot.

The woman has guppy face! I want to throw her in a glass bowl and feed her flakes.

Here's Lara leaving Mr. Chow last night in Beverly Hills. Ugh. That can't feel good.

Fuggie Fug and Quentin Tarantino threw a joint Birthday party for themselves at The Mirage in Las Vegas last night. Now this is a couple I can back up! Fuggie needs to dump pretty boy Josh and hook up with the concentrated fugness known as Quentin Tarantino. Their fugness was meant to be joined as one.

Guests included Kid Rock, Vivie, Daryl Hannah, Josh Duhamel and some other dumb skanks.

Kid Rock bought Fuggie some sort of hot dog machine for her Birfday. She told UsWeekly, “You put the bun on one side, and you put the hot dog in the little hot dog holes, and it pops out of the toaster in about a minute, and your hot dogs are ready to go." But can it fix her face?

Wait....Vivie Fox, Daryl Hannah AND Vivica Fox in one room together. I hope they kept the number of candles to a minimum. Too much heat and that joint would've been hit with a melted, plastic tsunami.

Above is a picture of Jessica Lange from 2003 (on the left) and a picture from last month. Jessica has fired back at the National Enquirer for insinuating that she's had plastic surgery. The Enquirer brought in a plastic surgeon to examine recent pictures of Jessica. The surgeon talked about her "overly arched brows" and catwoman-like face.

Jessica's rep said, "It's absolutely not true. And Jessica will not comment on it because it's not true."

How dare the Enquirer even think Jessica would do such a thing! Don't they know that aging Hollywood actresses never get work done. It would fuck with their craft! They should apologize right away and send a custom build-a-bear for upsetting her.

Jessica is just a superhuman. She was given these powers after her hot ass performance in "All That Jazz." Most woman's eyebrows tend to fall as they age, but since Jessica is a superhuman, her eyebrows get closer to God. Her eyebrows will be 6-inches above her head in about 10 years.

Seriously, Jessica needs to stop with the lie telling.

Source

Ashley Jizzdale has denied the rumors that she's had another snip to her schnoze. The Jizz had a nose job last November to correct a "deviated septum." Deviated septum is Hollywood talk for "I want a clit nose."

Jizz told People, "People are saying I had another nose job and I did not. That's ridiculous. I was away in New Zealand filming a movie (They Came From Upstairs) and so people think I went away to have more work done. But I didn't. Tabloids have doctors talk about what they think I did with my surgery, but they did not examine me. They don't know what I have inside my nose." It doesn't take a genius to guess what she has in her nose. I'm guessing a little jizz, a little cokie and a lot of loose face powder off of Zac Efron's face.

She's also denying that she's had her rack enhanced, "Does it look like it to you? No! It's ridiculous. I'm not for plastic surgery. I'm not going to get another surgery. I can promise you that."

This bitch is doing a major disservice to her face if she doesn't get that nose job fixed. It looks like the invisible man is pinching her nose. He won't let go. It's fucking whorerific!

I figured Priscilla Presley was injecting her mug with botox, but auto lubricant?! TMZ claims Priscilla was just one of the celebrity victims of a doctor from Argentina who was injecting his clients with low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lube auto parts. Dr. Daniel Serrano gave Priscilla the injections in 2003 and told her it was better than Botox. Dr. Serrano smuggled the non-FDA approved drug into the US and charged $300 to $500 per session. The feds have named him Dr. Jiffy Lube.

The injections cause lumps, paralysis and holes. The doc was convicted last week for smuggling drugs and he's also being investigated by immigrations officials and may be deported. Lionel Richie's wife, Diane Richie, was also indicted as an accomplice. Diane held injection parties at her house. She was placed on probation.

Priscilla is currently receiving corrective surgery to fix her face.

Priscilla's face may look busted, but I bet the bitch can brake without even the slightest squeak.

Below is Priscilla channeling her inner Jocelyn Wildenstein on Dancing with the Stars last night. I'm waiting for the judges to tell her, "We need to see more emotion in your face!"

Patti Labelle, don't go out like that! I can't be responsible to what might happen to you if you put your lips on Donatella Versace's face.

Donatella Versace held a cocktail party in NYC last night for her Versace's menswear line and brought out the most random group of people. Donatella, Patti and Woody Allen in the same room? Strange. This looks like a cocktail party in purgatory. Soon Yi is standing there wondering how the hell she ended up there. I know how she got there! It was a little Jesus Juice and a bedtime story.

Donatella Versace is one of those super vampires! They are the most dangerous kind. I didn't think it was possible for her skin to be exposed to natural sunlight, but I was wrong. She pulled herself out of her fabulous solid gold coffin to appear on the "Today" show this morning. On second thought, it could have been Hatchet-Face and I wouldn't have know the difference.

Someone needs to text Donatella to let her know that the coke nose is starting to droop. It's time to schedule another routine crank up.

Knocked up Lisa Marie Presley dragged her mother out of the tomb to attend the 40th anniversary celebration of Elvis' 1968 comeback special in Hollywood last night. Priscilla Presley needs to take time out from injecting her face with bat mucus to take her daughter shopping for maternity clothes. This look says "fallen Hollywood madam" and not mother-to-be. I think she squeezed her fat...I mean pregnant...ass into Heidi Fleiss' old clothes. Ugh! Lisa also coordinated with her husband. I hate when couples do that shit. Come on bitch! They look like they are modeling a brand new fashion line for Z Gallerie.

I thought Meg Ryan was past the whole "stretching her face like Gumby" phase. She just can't help herself. If she pulls her face anymore, her eyes will be in her fucking ears and her nose will be on her forehead. She'll be a real-life Picasso.

Tom Hanks looks like he has food in his mouth, but is having trouble swallowing it. He probably caught an up-close glance of Meg. Spit it into your napkin, Tom. It's the classy thing to do.

Here's Meg and Tom at the Rock and Rock Hall of Fame ceremony last night. What the hell were they doing there?