Plastic Surgery

Phoebe Price should give herself a pat on the chicken cutlets! It looks like she's starting a trend. Saffron Burrows showed up to the premiere of "The Bank Job" looking like she was smuggling cutlets in her mouth. I think Saffron's chicken cutlets are all-natural and organic though. As natural as PP's!

Here's Saffy with Jason Statham at the premiere.

I'm still sick, but I'm off my death bed. The flu is Satan's semen! I swear, I don't think I've ever snotted, coughed, cacaed and threw up at the same time before. That's talent. I should go on David Letterman's "stupid pet tricks." Anyway, that's that. I'm playing catch-up today, so I will probably post shit that was everywhere yesterday. Just smile, nod, laugh at me for a second and move on.

Speaking of sickness...why the fuck am I posting pictures of Jocelyn Wildenstein?! I think I'm sick again. Her face looks like what was at the bottom of my toilet yesterday. This is the face of the flu! Here's Jocelyn scaring every living thing outside of a restaurant in West Hollywood last night.

Wenn

Angela Bismarchi is the crazy bitch from Brazil who is trying to break the Guinness World Record for the most plastic surgeries. She also made her eyes look Japanese for Carnival (above). Angela had temporary threads put into her eyes and lifting them. After Carnival she liked the look so much that she had it done permanently. This time they pulled the muscle. They probably did it without putting her under since bitch has lost all feeling in her face.

Angela isn't stopping there. She's planning another surgery. This will be her 43rd. You see Angela is getting married soon to some plastic surgeon. Sidenote: Her last husband was a plastic surgeon, but he was murdered by thieves. Some people think she had something to do with it. ESCANDALO! Anyway, Angela is going under the knife for her new husband. She wants him to know what it's like being with a virgin, so she's going to have her cherry put back in. She thinks it's really romantic. She said it will probably hurt for her, but it's worth it. While they are putting her cherry back in, can they also put in a bundle of bananas where her brains used to be? Methinks that will help her situation.

Angela is soooooo close to beating Cindy Jackson for the plastic surgery record. Cindy has had 47 procedures.

I think Angela should just save herself the pain, hop in a car and head to Madam Tussauds. They can dip her in wax and all her dreams will come true. I think her new husband would love it to. I'm sure it's much more comfortable screwing a wax figure than screwing her.

That being said, she's the hottest bitch alive.

Below is a video of Angela and her surgeon talking about the eye surgery she had a couple of weeks ago.

Source

Thanks Gabi

Lil' Kim will always hold a place in my black heart. Anybody who can come up with the lyrics, "If you aint lickin no butts, we don't want it, we don't want it" is fine by me. That being said, she needs plastic surgery rehab. They should gather up all the surgery addicts and put them in a safe place filled with mirrors, so they can take a good look at themselves. Soon she won't even be able to say those amazing lyrics anymore, because she won't be able to move her mouth!

Kim came out to celebrate Marc Jacobs' show last night. Posh was also there and looked like Posh. Kim should have posed with her. Kim's plastic mask would have made robotic Posh look human.

Wenn, Splash, Wireimage

Last night on Nip/Tuck, Joan Van Ark played a rich society type who is addicted to plastic surgery. Yeah, basically she played herself. Anyway, it was all fun and games until she had a sex scene with Julian McMahon. Eeeek! I don't know how she did it, but she had to make the "o" face while riding him. It probably took every single muscle in her body to move her face. I'm sure her toenails were popping off from all the tension. I don't know how, but she moved her face. It was like watching an iceberg slowly break off into the ocean.

I love Joan, but she needs to put down the scalpel. Children are crying.

Here's Joan at the "Movies For Grownup Awards" in Beverly Hills.

Wenn

It's our lovely songbird, Heidi Montag, and Spencer at the Maxim Superbowl party in Arizona. Doesn't Heidi just get lovelier every time you see her? So lovely that you just want to vomit blood all over the floor. Her tit job looks like a water damaged ceiling. I just want to pop that shit. There's enough plastic on her to keep the Tupperware factory going for a long ass time.

And what the hell is Spencer doing with a boombox? Don't tell me Heidi broke into a lip-synch seizure on the red carpet? Actually, tell me she did. She's probably going to perform her own Superbowl half-time show in a gas station parking lot across form the arena with the help of that boombox.

Source

Brazilian model, Angela Bismarchi, has had 41 plastic surgeries. Her 42nd surgery will be her most idiotic ever. Angela plans to have nylon wires implanted into her eyes giving her a Japanese slant. She is doing it to celebrate 100 years of Japanese immigration to Brazil. She is hoping to debut her new look at Rio's Carnival next month where she will lead her Samba group in a contest.

36-year-old Angela is really serious about Carnival She was almost arrested once when she paraded through the streets naked with the flag painted on her. Yeah, right. They probably almost arrested her, because her face was scaring children. She said, "I always was vain. And for carnival, you have to feel especially pretty."

Angela is married to a plastic surgeon. He has operated on her 10 times. Angela is very close to beating Cindy Jackson of America for the world record plastic surgery record. Cindy has been operated on 47 times.

Angela's husband should do her a favor and sew her eyes and mouth completely shut. That way she won't ever have a problem with the way she looks, because she could never see it. She could also never complain about it, because her yapper won't work.

Thanks Sylvia

I have no idea who Hofit Golan is, but she needs my help. Someone hand me my c-clamp, her titties need to be brought back together. They hardly know each other anymore and that isn't right. You could throw a ping pong ball in between her breasts and watch it go back and forth for hours. She wouldn't even notice it.

Hofit attended the same event as Tara Reid and I'm sure Tara was relieved to find out that she wasn't the only wonky-breasted whore in the room. Tara showed up to the Chinese New Year party in London with some Aladdin-dressed homo. Also spotted at the party was Roberto Cavalli and some other ho covered in body paint. That party looks a mess.

They needed to douse the joint in holy water.

Wenn

Of course she had work done! Madonna was photographed leaving Claridge's in London at 1am with sunglasses covering what looks to be some kind of bruise. Last month she had a bigger bruise on the same eye sparking rumors that she's had work done. Maybe she actually shed a tear and it burned her skin. Acid tears. Ugh, of course she had work done. DUH!!!!!

That's not what offends me. If you're going to care enough to go under the knife, get your damn roots done! It only takes a touch of the bleach stick.

Wenn

Ashley Tizzzdale talked noses to People Magazine. Ash had her nose done a couple of months ago, because of a deviated septum or something like that. The dumb skank said she has suffered backlash from fans that say she doesn't look like her usual skank self. She said, "People were saying I was 'unveiling my look,' but I was still recovering! That's not what I look like right now. I think I still look like me." Bitch needs new fans. Don't let your fans sass you! Keep them in check.

She said she talked about her surgery, because "I wanted my fans to know because I don't take plastic surgery lightly."

Ash needs to phone Dr. 90210, because she needs a second helping. That nose job looks like shit. It looks like they got her records mixed up and performed a vagina rejuvenation surgery on her face. She has a clit nose.

Here's Clitnose McClit at the Coverfield premiere last night.

Source

Thanks Leah