Weddings

Madam Tussauds Wax Museum in Las Vegas had plans to unveil a statue of Angelina Jolie on Wednesday. The statue would have been featured in a fake wedding to the Brad Pitt statue with George Clooney's wax figure serving as best man. These plans have been cancelled due to Brad Pitt's distaste in the situation.

Brad's spokeswhore said, "I personally found it a little odd that they were re-creating a wedding that never really happened. As Brad's representative, I found it disturbing."

The museum will debut the Angelina statue without the wedding, because they don't want to ruffle any celebrity feathers.

Yeah it's weird, but since when is Brangelina normal? I'm not sure why they even care. So, it's some stupid fake wedding. Wax statues are weird to begin with. Brad's so damn uptight. Angie needs to strap-on and do him good.

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It's going to be a TomKat week isn't it? Ugh, I hate TomKat weeks! So, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise arrived in Rome by private jet today. They were then taken to the Hotel Hassler Roma near the Spanish Steps. The couple are in Rome to get married this Saturday near some kind of lake. It's unclear where they will wed, but several venues have already been talked about.

Guests will include John Travolta, Jenna Elfman and E.T.

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Katie Holmes tried taking Posh Beckham's advice and try to lose as much weight as possible before her wedding this weekend in Italy. Shegave up with Posh's strict diet rules. A source said, "Victoria maintains her tiny frame because she only permits herself to snack - not eat - on edamame, pretzels and occasionally sushi."

Posh is also addicted to Diet Coke and won't drink water, because she finds the taste revolting.

Can't stand the taste of water? What the hell kind of water is she drinking? It has no taste. Not eating her rotted her damn brains and messed up her taste buds. She should try a little Crystal Light.

It's Monday, so here's pics of TomKat and company at some soccer game. They are almost believable as an All-American family.

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Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes at The Black Ball on 11/9

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will probably not get their dream Catholic wedding in Italy. There had been reports that the couple would have a Catholic ceremony in Italy. According to some Italian religious person named Monsignor Nicola Fiorentini that ain’t going to happen.

Why? Well, it’s not because Cruise is a crazed maniac, it’s cause he’s divorced. "Cruise is divorced. Even if the actor were not divorced, another fundamental requirement to validate the rite would be missing: the authorization of the parish."

Italy will also not recognize a Scientology ceremony, because they don’t believe in alien nonsense.

So what’s a Cruise today? He’ll do what he does best. Buy them off to keep them quiet.

The Wedding event of the um...of the...day will take place next week in Italy. TomKat will be joined in the eyes of Aliens everywhere as the official couple of crazy. They attended The Black Ball to benefit Children Alive in NYC last night. The event was hosted by Iman and brought out TomKat, Gayle "I Screw Oprah" King, Alicia Keys, Anne Hathaway, Valentino and many more.

Looks like Tom got a blow out. They really make an akward couple. You know Tom is asking Gayle how on Earth she conducts a gay relationship without anybody finding out.

Sumner Redstone, the crazy studio boss of Paramount, has spoken out on why he fired Tom Cruise. He said he took the advice from his wife, because according to her Tom had become hated by both men and women.

He says, "He was embarrassing the studio. And he was costing us a lot of money. $100 million, $150 million on Mission: Impossible III. It was the best picture of the three, and it did the worst."

"Paula (his wife), like women everywhere, had come to hate him. The truth of the matter is, I did listen to her. His behavior was entirely unacceptable to Paula and to the rest of the world. He just didn't turn one (woman) off. He turned off all women, and a lot of men. When did I decide (to fire him)? I don't know. When he was on the Today show? When he was jumping on a couch at Oprah? He changed his handler, you know, to his sister (LeAnne Devette)--not a good idea. The explosion was good. It sent a message to the rest of the world that the time of the big star getting all this money is over. And it is! I would like to think that what I did, or what we did, has had a salutary effect on the rest of the industry."

Sumner sounds just as crazy as Tom if you ask me. Those two should’ve stuck together and been shipped off to Insane Island. I’m sure one exists. In other TomKat news, the pair will apparently marry at the Mussolini compound in Italy. The massive villa was Benito Mussolini’s hideout during World War II.

A source said, "Katie recently visited the hotel with Victoria and fell in love with it instantly. It's an ideal place for Tom and her to tie the knot because it's hidden away by dense greenery on the landward side, while the view on the opposite side which overlooks the lake is stunning. Katie was made aware that Mussolini used it as a war-time base, but she seemed more interested in the fact that the likes of Grace Kelly had stayed there."

They are basically getting married in a bomb shelter? How fitting. Angelina Jolie is rumored to show up, but I doubt. That ho is too good to be associated with a bunch of nuts!

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Posh Beckham was supposed to help Katie Holmes with all aspects of her wedding to Tom Cruise, but those plans have been put on hold after the BFFs have apparently had a falling out. The two took Paris Fashion Week by storm and looked like two lesbians from the 1950s. They attended all the shows in search for Katie’s perfect wedding dress. Giorgio Armani was hired to design the dress.

The two had a spat after Posh suggested that Katie drop a few before her wedding. A source said, "Victoria didn’t mean any harm, she just wanted to help Katie look her best for her big day. She offered to share her diet secrets but Katie immediately got defensive, saying she didn't need any advice. Katie is really proud of the weight she’s managed to lose since giving birth to Suri in April and she doesn’t think she has to lose anymore."

Diet secrets? Um…it’s no secret what this alien’s diet secrets are! They involve eating ice chips for breakfast, ice chips for lunch and a tic tac for dinner! Katie’s already lost a few anyway, a few marbles.

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Katie & Posh having lunch in London

TomKat have set their wedding date as November 18th and plan to marry in Italy. Katie Holmes is going to wear Giorgio Armani and Posh Beckham is their wedding planner. Sources say that Posh is helping Katie with everyone wedding detail, because she has such good taste. Yeah, their tablecloths are going to be leopard and the cuisine will be ice cubes and alfalfa sprouts.

The source said, "This is fantastic news for Katie. Not only has a date been set for her big day, she has got fashion queen Victoria helping with her wedding plans. She wants to have a stylish low-key hen do and if Victoria's around she'll be there helping her celebrate."

Don’t you need to have actual conversations in order to plan a wedding? Methinks that Posh and Katie never speak a word to each other. Lots of nodding and lots of awkward smiles, but nothing beyond that. Here are some pics of Posh looking like a call girl with her son as they made their way through Heathrow airport last week.

TomKat’s rep confirmed they will be legal on November 18th.

Guests have been notified to keep the weekend of November 16-19 free for some kind of party. The spokeswhore confirms this, --"All those details are correct, proper security measures are being taken.”

He also confirmed that they will marry in Italy and she will wear Giorgio Armani. Giorgio said, "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart. It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."

We all need to find our local bomb shelters; because this is the day the aliens will plummet from the sky and reclaim their planet. Suri will be the new leader of the World and we will all be doomed. This is also the day that Katie Holmes has officially sold her soul.

P.S. – Pictures of cats are much more entertaining than pics of their crazy mugs.

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