Hotness

Jon Hamm looks like the Disney prince of your genital's dreams today, and he looked like that in high school too. THAT BITCH! Above is one of Jon's high school yearbook pictures, and I'm sure you'll be spending the day Photoshopping your legs around his neck.

And let's not exchange high school pictures, because Satan uses mine to torture his victims. It's hell's equivalent to laughing gas, so you don't want to do that to yourself. Not today.

Source: JH Center VIA ONTD

Here's Katie Pierson of the B-52's (for the youngins who don't know) at Bette Midler's Annual Hulaween Gala in NYC last night with her partner in pussy Monica Coleman. My Google Alerts are obviously missing some Kate Pierson in their life, because I did not know she was bumping love shacks with another lady! Apparently, Kate declared herself a "late in life lesbian" a while ago. Now I can add Kate to my list of ginge gayelle bridesmaids for my wedding to Mah Boo Anderson Cooper (Don't Stop Believing).

Here's more of Kate (as Annie Oakley) and Monica (as Davy Crockett) at last night's party. I also threw in some pictures of Bette (as Lady CaCa in 10 years), Martha Stewart (as Madonna's sascrotch compete with roidy labia tentacles) with her gays and Michael Kors (as country Kim Zolciak before shaving).

Here's Scott Speedman shuffling around the streets of Beverly Hills in man-flops with his fresh out of the oven (not an ode to JLo) muffin top peeking out. It needs butter. Okay, okay, I know Scott doesn't look like he belongs on a Betty Crocker box, but "muffin top" sounds so much more delicious than "stomach" or "belly."

It took me a few nipple pinches and a couple of eye blinks to realize this was Grace Jones in her natural state! I almost didn't recognize her without a broken disco ball on her titties or a sandcastle on top of her head. Even without all that glitter, Grace is perfection. You won't ever catch me saying a bad word about her. If Grace wants to grow out her Chia Pet Pits (see thumbnail #2), she can!

By the way, proof of Grace's powers are in the picture above. Grace is text-messaging with her cooch! Hands are for amateurs.

Alan Thicke and Gloria Loring will soon have fresh baby barf all over their clothes and slobber on their cheeks, because their son Robin is going to be daaaaaaaaaaaaddy. Really, the mating is getting out of control.

UsWeekly reports that Robin Thicke and his wife Paula Patton made their first baby together. I know it's too early to throw around names, but if he doesn't name their baby Dr. Jason Seaver Jr. (even if she's a girl), I will question his loyalty as a SON!

And honestly, this post was just an excuse to put up Alan's Playgirl cover. Unfortunately, we don't get to see if Alan's thick. GONG!

The Insider seems to be the new WWE! A couple of weeks ago, Nancy Grace gave Jon Grosselin a concussion without even getting out of her chair and now it's NeNe's turn! The Real Housewives of Atlanta's resident bitch slapper went head to head with Michael Lohan in an episode that airs tonight. Michael Lohan thought his mouth was a weapon of mass destruction, but he's never met NeNe before. Bitch bombs him before he can even get a sentence out.

Michael tries to make a few fat jokes, but the message barely gets to NeNe's ears since she's too busy blasting him. It doesn't take long before Michael's turtle head retreats back into his shell. I was hoping that the Fight Queen of Muni would've drop-kicked him out of the studio.

And if you press your ear to your window, you can still hear NeNe shouting "TOXIC PARROT" all the way from L.A.

Note: Yes, I know her ass is saying "parent," but it's much more entertaining and fitting if you pretend she's saying "parrot."

Missing Person's Dale Bozzio has been put on the curb after she failed to pay rent on a San Fernando Valley house she was living in for a few months. TMZ says that Dale owes her landlord a total of $4,400. Dale confirmed that she's been evicted, and said she's going to go back to New Hampshire.

This news will probably send the cat friends of New Hampshire running for the border, because Dale was convicted of pussy abuse last May. 12 cats found in Dale's dungeon of death had to be sent to heaven, because they were so sick when authorities found them. Dale was sentenced to 90 days in the clink. She still claims she was set-up. All fingers point to Lady CaCa. Seriously, Dale should file a lawsuit against Lady CaCa for snatching her whole look! I present the court with EXHIBIT A!

Dale told TMZ that one of the reasons she's back to New Hampshire is to "pay penance." That's fine, but just keep her away from all pussies.

We knew them when.....

On last night's The Office, Dwight made the best decision of his life when he covered his succulent titty hocks with the all-powerful Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt! Seriously, they are going places. Don't be surprised if you hear that the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt is starring in the next Twilight movie, or that they are putting out a single with Kanye West, or that they have been seen "canoodling" with Megan Fox (please don't let there be a sex tape). Ah-woooooo!

Those three bitches and that moon are even more magical than I thought. Normally when I see a cell phone clipped to a belt, all the moisture in my eyeballs gets sucked out. But my eyelids didn't even have a seizure when Dwight came out with a cell phone clipped to his belt! It's the magic of the three wolves at work. They better get 3 Emmy awards for this!

Image VIA Mashable

When Lance Bass isn't sitting front row in the audience at Dancing with the Has-Beens (seriously, he's there every week), he's butching it up in the gym. Pumping peen and pumping weights.

Surprisingly enough, I've never really thought about what Lance looked like without his top on. But then I see this, I get the drips and say to myself, "That'll do." Yes, I'm that easy. And I'm sure JC is scooting all over this picture while humming "I Want You Back."

Photo by Braden Summers
Source: Tabloid Prodigy VIA Towleroad

Prince and Alien Princess RiRi are both in Paris at the same time, so it's got everyone seeing double! Bitches need to a clue to figure out who is who. Because of this, Prince has been forced to prove that he's not the tenheaded alien one by flashing his luscious chest fur wherever he goes. RiRi's titty bush doesn't sparkle and shine in the light as much as Prince's. I'm pretty sure Prince's chest hair is the secret ingredient in Gelly Roll pens.

Here's the fancy purple lesbian, his matching piece and Kunty Karl at some Fendi party last night.