Courtney Love

Now I know where my mother's fake flower Christmas centerpiece went! Courtney Love stole it. Thief! What's the number to 911?

Court left a London club last night with comedian, Noel Fielding. This has sparked rumors that the two are fucking or something. Shudder.... Court has already claimed the two are just friends. Noel also denied he was knocking it with Court, but if you admit that shit then you need immediate psychiatric help.

Court is currently in London with Frances Bean, because they are house hunting. Hey, it's a fair trade! Heather Mills is moving here, so we're giving England the gift of Courtney Love. We're also interested in trading their Jodie Marsh for our Paris Hilton. We need new dirty snatch around these parts.

Where do I sign up to become Courtney Love's newest BFF? She should copy Wonky and get herself a reality show where she looks for a new BFF. It would bring out the major crackheads looking for a fix, because Court has the goods. She left a London club last night with a bag full of dolls. DOLL! GIMME! I could only make out one of the bottles and it's Adderall. Of course. The woman probably douches with Adderall. Silly me, she doesn't wash.

Court also sported a dirty ass finger. It looks like she just stuck it up the ass of a dehydrated person. I say a dehydrated person, because her finger looks a little yellow. It's probably just a minor case of crack finger.

Courtney Love is over Los Angeles and is planning to move to the English countryside. She probably pissed off too many drug dealers in Los Angeles, so bitch needs some new blood. Court has been looking at multi-million dollar homes in Sunningdale, Berkshire. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to live in the city.

She said, "I am fed up with Los Angeles. It's dirty and full of crazy people. I want a complete lifestyle change. People criticise Britain but it is still a cleaner, safer place to live than Hollywood." Dirty and crazy people? That's the pot calling the kettle INSANE.

Court also thinks that Hollywood is not the place to raise a teenager, "There are too many bad influences. Frances is also looking forward to the move to England."

Amy Wino can be her roommate! That shit would be like the cracked out version of Grey Gardens. I can't fucking wait to hear Court's fake British accent.

And isn't it illegal to bring drugs into England? I know Court claim she's sober now, but I'm sure there's enough drugs backed up in her system to bar her from entering the country. England has found their angle.

Source: Daily Mail

Last week, Courtney Love visited a police department in Los Angeles to file a report claiming Kurt Cobain has been the victim of identity theft. Court said thieves used Kurt's SSN to buy a $3 million mansion in New Jersey. She also thinks they opened over 180 credit cards and stole around $72 million from his estate. Ain't that a bitch! They were able to open 180 credit cards under Kurt's name and I can barely get 1.

Court said she found out about it 5 years ago, but was too drunk and high on drugs to do anything about it. Yeah, you can't let a little something called "stealing millions of dollars from you" get in the way of your crack high.

TMZ reports that Courtney is delusional, because it never happened. A source told them that the LAPD are not taking her seriously. TMZ also claims she's suffering from a bi-polar disorder.

Well....Court fired back on her MySpace blog this morning and was pretty coherent. It wasn't her usual crack English. It must have taken her 4 hours to write this shit, because she had to go back and correct shit. Court wrote:

call me names all day ,but its the NUMBERS ,not my persona. If i get "Lifelock" i will post this information for your bemusement, no actually i wont, cos why should i cater to your fantasies, You cant accept numbers? Then i guess your really a lonely sad animalistic hungry motherfucker who cannot manifest any of your own desires.

God people are batshit. And im not the one who is.

and i hear now i am "Bi Polar" uhhhh...thats more nuts than I will ever be.

I may be Eccentric, i certainly speak my mind and am slow to put out a record i need to mean the world to ME, and im sur ei am quite Nuerotic but "Bi Polar" .
Thats just slander.I shoot straight from the hip and spellcheck has NOTHING to do with REALITY

gotta go its fucking late and we wrote yet another magical song tonight.

nam myoho renge kyo and may all impediments create JOY in you.

No she didn't bring Tina Turner into this. Nam myoho renge kyo.......

I think Court accidentally smoked up Kurt's money and now she's blaming some invisible thieves.

I'm getting major Goddess Bunny vibes from these Courtney Love pictures. If you don't know who Goddess Bunny is, don't click on the link. Don't do it!

I thought Courtney was over the crack mountain and on to sober pastures? It's pretty sad when a wannabe Paris Hilton looks better than your ass. Come on Courtney! Take off your daughter's old baby dresses and get thee shit together.

The wannabe Paris Hilton is some chick named Dirty Harry. I'm sure that's what they call her coochie too. Here's the two out and about in Los Angeles. Hopefully, they are on their way to the Old Country Buffet, because Court needs to drown her sorrows in a never-ending sundae.

I should have skipped the Oscars and just read Courtney Love's eloquent recap. She really has a way with words. I think I'm completely fluent in crankglish just from reading Court.

Court wrote:

swank looked great, i bet that was Versace, she looke dgirly for the fiorst time in forever- im sad for PTA i love teh Coens but PTA well tehy shouldve let him release all 6 hours of There Will Be Blood cos thats what i bet there is of it, Kidman as anyone knows and me are not bffs by any stretch, and i though te edgy thing was cool but for some reason not onher- and her forehead is way too shiny it flips me out- iwas REALLY isnpired Diablo Cody won - that was fucking AWESOME in fact i think i just may have peed all over her My Space- i was supposed to be at Eltons Party at i think noon or something and if we dont hiurry it will suck- i really dont want to get there ina crush of shit and stuff- wait my pr is outside im calling her hold on- okay i hope the disaster has been averted but m,y expirience with that party is that i do NOT want to see Paris dancing ona table i really really DONT and i dont want to stuff a stale slamon canape in my mouth and i really need to get laid so i m off to do so. i love dthat tattoo on her ( Dibalo) and her cute thigh and the wietzman shoes were actually pretty unnatractuve really,. neat, i like the minnesota thing too, i wont be getting a bl;ack bob although i think abou tit contstantly , but it was inspiring rarely does anyone win when theyre an "outisder" particul;alrly chicks who talk about sex working- desp[ite the fact that EVERYONE i know in this town who wasnt upper middle class or didnt come from a hollywood family DID IT and even then i know of some exceptions. so i was really proud a little Nirvana moment if you will. "we won" my friend Daphne Guiness is here and i cant wait to see her. okay signiong off ,. im moving bu June really why? cos between a blood red Fortuny and a pink Fortuny id get all sorts of crazy shit by people who dont even know whata Fortuny is ! borrrring, ill be back but for now im so over L:A

My thoughts exactly Courtney! I dare you to read this as fast as you can. You'll be sky high by the time you finish. Your brain would shut down to protect itself. Too bad Court and Gary Busey didn't run into each other last night. They would still be talking to each other right now.

Here's Court at Elton John's Oscar party. Still wearing that "Lady and the Tramp" hair I see?

Wireimage

Courtney Love spoke to Access Hollywood (via PageSix.com)about Britney Spears. Court knows exactly what Brit's going through, because she has been there.

Court said, "I know exactly what's going on, having been there. If she doesn't get help something very, very bad is gonna happen. Marilyn Monroe was strapped to a gurney too, but, other than me and Britney, no one's ever been strapped to a gurney."

Courtney, here's a juice box, go sit in the corner and shut the fuck up. Yes, because being strapped to a gurney is something to brag about. Court's crazy ass probably thinks it's glamorous shit. Ok, it sort of glamorous, but only in movies and music videos.

She also said that Brit needs to embrace her bi-polar disorder and appreciate it, "It has been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt it's a genetic condition and it's a disease. It's a part of our brain that doesn't care about consequences, it doesn't care if our children are gonna be taken away."

Hmmm...she does have a point, but it's hard to listen to anything that comes out of Court's trout lips.

No Lady from Lady & The Tramp did not hit rock bottom, join a Lynrd Skynrd cover band and waste all her HoJo's waitressing money on a bad facelift. It's Courtney Love at a Tracey Ross party last night. I'm not even joking when I say that she totally asked for hairstyle that Lady the dog has.

Other than the hair, Court doesn't look that awful. Although, I do see a little wonk eye action starting to build. She better take a shot of botox STAT to fix that out.

Courtney Love has got it in her crazy lil' head that Scarlett Johansson will play her in a feature film about Court and Kurt Cobain reports The Mirror. Court is executive producing the movie version of her life and has asked ScarJo to portray her.

A source close to Court said, "Kirsten Dunst was rumoured to be in the frame, but Courtney really admires Scarlett and has already sent the contract out for her to sign. Courtney even copied Scarlett's sleek blonde movie look when she was in London for the Fashion Rocks party last year. This is a labour of love for Courtney and she is putting her heart and soul into making it an accurate, credible glimpse of her life with Kurt."

ScarJo as Courtney? I hope they have plenty of defibrillators on set, because it's going to take a whole lot of electricity to zap some personality into fucking ScarJo. I personally think Courtney should play Courtney. Nobody can do crazy like Court. Ryan Gosling can still play Kurt. If they don't want Courtney they should just get a starving raccoon. Only Courtney and a starving, crazed raccoon could play her.