Dumbasses

Dolly Parton, the woman who wouldn't hurt a twat crab, is pissed off at Howard Stern for a segment he did on Dolly's fake audio book. Howard has done this sort of thing before. The show manipulated her words, so it sounded like some raunchy shit was coming from her mouth. For instance, he made Dolly say, "Kenny Rogers smells like boy cum." I giggled at that. I'm immature, I know. Duh.

Dolly issued this statement, "I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life. I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this. If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this."

I adore Dolly the same way I adore my pair of pulsating nipple clamps, but any snatch with at least two brain cells can tell it's not her saying that shit. My 7-year-old cousin could do a better job with a busted Casio recorder.

That being said, Howard should apologize and then gracefully cancel his show. Well, if you hurt Dolly's feelings, you have to pay the price. It's in the Bible. Look it up.

Below is the clip in question from Howie's show:

Remy Ma was sentenced to 8 years in the chokey today for shooting a friend outside a NYC nightclub last summer. Remy said it was an accident. Yeah, just like I accidentally went pee pee in my bed last night, because I was too lazy to go to the toilet. I'm joking! I swear. Ok, I'm not.

26-year-old Remy cried when the judge handed down the sentence. It could have been worse. She faced up to 25-years in prison.

To make Remy's life even more depressing, her weekend wedding was called off by officials.. She was supposed to marry her rapper boyfriend Papoose, but he was caught with a handcuff key during a visit. The dumb fuck tried to smuggle it in. He was immediately kicked off Rikers and told he can't come back for 6-months.

Papoose tried to hide that key in his poop shoot, didn't he? He farted and it fell out of his ass.

Source

Bill O'Reilly is a dick and guess what? Billy has always been a dick! Here's a little behind-the-scenes clip from the old days of Billy getting his diapers in a bunch on the set of Inside Edition over some words on the teleprompter. Billy goes through several takes, but finally explodes and screams, "FUCK IT! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks!" Hahah. I like it when Billy gets mad. His little cotton candy hair bounces up and down.

You know the next day the teleprompter read, "Fuck you Bill! Do it live!"

VIA Gawker

Thanks Ghost

Just when I thought that I've heard it all, comes this story out of Houston. If you're eating, you might want to skip this story and head on over to CuteOverload.com instead.

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a "bong," a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

All the more reason to be cremated. Don't blame weed for this shit either. Blame stupidity. That being said, I'll believe it when I see it. Scratch that, I don't ever want to see that. EVER.

Visit The Houston Chronicle for all the gory details.

Thanks Jennifer and all the other that sent them to me. You're all sick nasty fucks!

Asshole Simpson is in London trying to get people to buy her album of shitty music. She was on the talk show, "Nokia Green Room" when she called Brit Brit Spears "trashy." Pot calling the kettle trashy!

Asshole was asked in an interview what she thought, "You've had one too many Britney Spears" meant? Apparently, Britney Spears is slang for beer, but Asshole answered "one too many trashy girls."

Stupid hag! Ok, I would have said a lot worse, but I'm trashy and proud of it. This is rich coming from the ultimate piece of trash, Asshole Simpson! The bitch's singing voice makes Brit Brit sound like Beverly fucking Sills.

At least Brit Brit isn't about to marry a vagina! Well, Brit Brit might if it proposed, but that's not the point!

Visit The Sun to see dumb Asshole called Brit Brit "trashy."

Remember that story from March about the chick who sat on a toilet for so long that she became one with it? Her boyfriend, Kory McFarren, pleaded not guilty yesterday to a misdemeanor charge of mistreatment of a dependent adult.

In February, Kory called the fuzz, because his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, wouldn't get off the toilet. When police arrived, they found that Pam's skin was attached to the toilet. They had to remove the seat in order to get her to the police. She had been inside the bathroom for two years and medical professionals think she had been sitting on the toilet for at least a month. Kory said she was too scared to come out.

Pam is still recovering in a Witchita, Kansas hospital. That fucking sucks. I really hope her ass cheeks grow back.

Kory's first pre-trial hearing is June 13th. He faces up to a year in prison. Shouldn't his punishment be 2-months on the pot? See how he likes losing his ass cheeks.

This moron also faces a felony charge of lewd and lascivious behavior for a different incident. Kory allegedly showed off his genitals to a neighbor girl who was a minor.

Source

Minnie Driver is slowly dropping hints on the identity of the father of her baby. Is she going to give us a prize for guessing correctly? Minnie told The Independent that he's English and "sort of in the same business." It's totally Danger Mouse.

Minnie doesn't know who the father is, now does she? She needs me to call up Maury and schedule an appointment. I'll do it as a thank you gift to her for giving me Circle of Friends.

Minnie denied that the father is Craig Zolezzi. That's a good thing, because her baby's last name would be Zolezzi. SO...LEZZZZZY.

6-months-pregnant Minnie plans to keep her baby daddy a mystery for as long as possible. "I want to shield the baby's dad as much as I can because it wasn't his choice to get roped into all this stuff." Haha. She doesn't know! It's okay, all major hos run into the same dilemma at least once in their life.

Here's Minnie walking to BBC studios in London the other day. Bitch needs to be walking into Maury's studios instead.

Yes, this picture is old as fuck. It's definitely more scandalous than that Vanity Fair nonsense if you ask me. So...Miley Cyrus' gums and teeth made their first public appearance yesterday since that VF non-scandal. Miley performed at the Disney Channel Games concert yesterday in Orlando.

After Miley dazzled the audience with her gleaming chompers, she said to them, "I saw a sign back there that said, 'Miley, I'm praying for you.' I could not be more appreciative. Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you."

The event's co-star, Jason Earles, told the Orlando Sentinel, "She's one of the strongest people I've ever met. She'll do everything to make sure she does right by her fans. It will be all right."

It was just a little exposed back a little creepy cuddle with daddy? What's to pray for? They need to save their prayers for things that really matter........like Jason Castro beating the Davids and winning American Idol. Pray for that!

Miley still goes home, goes to the computer, brings up her checking account balance and sees at least 8 zeros! Ok, first she takes pictures of herself in bra and panties and THEN she looks at her checking account balance.

Miley Cyrus was supposed to show her face and teeth (mostly teeth) at a Disney event today in Orlando, but she won't be there. She's too busy shooting her pictorial for Playboy. 15-year-old Miley was supposed to join a bunch of other Disney whores to shoot the"Disney Channel Games," a charity competition.

The L.A. Times confirmed with Disney that she's not expected to show up, but Disney wouldn't elaborate.

Disney's the meanest pimp on the stroll. They perfume their whores with kisses when everything is fine and dandy, but they are quick to burn their asses with a hot curling iron the minute they fuck up in the smallest way.

Fuck Disney! Miley should sign with Snoop Dogg. He treats his hos with loving care.

Since Miley has to stay home today, I hope she stays away from web cams.

Today was the first part of Gary Coleman's appearance on Divorce Court. Gary and his wife, Shannon Price (no relation to Phoebe), came to Judge Toler to discuss all the issues in their 7-month marriage.

In the above clip, 22-year-old Shannon tells a story about a fight she had with Gary over a conversation they had with a stranger. The stranger claimed to know the exact date the world was ending. Shannon disagreed with the man and she was upset with Gary for not supporting her. WTF! Shannon's story basically sums up their relationship. Tweeeeeeeekers. Meth much? Stranger my ass! Dealer is more like it.

Here are some of the other things they discussed:

Gary doesn't want children - He said, "I didn't like children when I was one."
Gary and Shannon are up all night and they sleep all day
Gary has anger issues and if he doesn't get his way he throws tantrums like a 5-year-old
Gary leaves the house at 3am and doesn't come home
Gary doesn't want any friends

The saddest part came when Gary said, "I have low-self esteem. I don't feel successful in life. I want the world for her and I get very frustrated that I can't bring it to her. I don't feel financially secure and a lot of time I feel like I'm wasting her time." He was on Diff'rent Strokes! You're not a failure if you were on Diff'rent Strokes!

Tomorrow, Judge Toler will tackle their issues about sex. Can't wait......