Dumbasses

Ok, not really. But apparently Tina Simpson scolded her daughter in front of President Bush and Dolly Parton for her little performance flub that everyone has seen a zillion times.

TMZ reports:

Tina Simpson was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton. Tina told her daughter that the performance was "embarrassing" and "unprofessional," and mom was further incensed because Jessica had missed a dress rehearsal and hadn't adequately learned lyrics to the song -- which necessitated cue cards at the front of the stage. Jessica can be clearly seen reading from the cards during her performance.

Papa Joe apparently didn't think it was bad and thought it was cute and should stay in the show, but producers didn't like that idea and reshot it. Papa Joe probably liked seeing his daughter clutch her stomach like that. I like Tina, she's a hard ass. You know President Bush was too busy looking at Chestica's chest to figure out what was going on.

Dolly has forgiven Jessica and said that if she was in the same position she "would probably be so nervous and forget to wear her wig!" Dolly's the hotness.

Three dumb old-whores showed up to the Kennedy Center Honors this past weekend in the same dress that Laura Bush wore. These women dropped $8500 clams for the Oscar De La Renta fug gown. Laura noticed this little mishap and changed her dress halfway through the event.

Umm....that dress look like it was bought at Dress Barn. It's one thing to get caught in the same dress as 3 other skanks, but it's another thing to get caught in that FUG dress.

Let's hope Laura got it for free, because I will not be happy if my hard-earned cash went to pay for that frock!

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TMZ is reporting that Lane Garrison had a few shots of Grey Goose vodka at the party he attended with a 17-year-old and two 15-year-olds. The 17-year-old boy was killed when Lane ran his Land Rover into a tree. Garrison's attorney previously said that he only had one drink prior to the crash.

The party was being throw by one of the 17-year-old's friends. Five people at the party say that Lane met the kids at a gas station and they brought him to the party. Lane brought the bottle of Vodka with him and passed it around. They say photos of him drinking were taken. Lane then went to get more booze and brought the three kids with him.

Charges have not yet been filed. The blood alcohol test results are still two weeks away.

Looks like the "Prison Break" star will soon find out what a real prison looks like. Oh well, he's gonna make a hot prison wife to some big, fat, hairy daddy.

Tyra Banks said in an interview that what she plays on America's Next Top Model is a character version of herself. Many have made fun of her antics on the reality show. She's trying to cover herself by saying that's not the real her.

She spoke in third person, ``She's almost a caricature of herself. There's a certain voice that I use when I say, `I have five photos in my hand.' It's really funny. I would never give modeling advice in the tone that I give it to the girls, but it's just something that works for the show. The advice is the same that I would give, but I would just give it differently in real life."

"But with `Top Model,' that's more of a character. That is not who I am in real life. People who come to my talk show laugh, because they say they watch `Top Model,' and that's who they thought I was, but it's a reality-show character."

Homey don't play that. You know she's that batshit crazy in real life! But thank God for that, because it's good to watch.

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Andy Dick pulled a Michael Richards by throwing the "n" word around at a performance this past weekend. Andy started heckling comedian, Ian Bagg at the Improv in L.A. The two played off each other, but when the subject of Michael Richards came up Andy grabbed the mic and said, "You're all a bunch of niggers!"

Attention-whore anyone? Andy should stick to dressing in drag, snorting lines and sucking dick!

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Eddie Murphy's date to last night's "Dreamgirls" premiere in NYC was not Mel B aka Scary Spice. Scary told reporters at London's Heathrow that she was carrying Eddie's baby. Yesterday, Eddie told a Dutch reporter that he's not sure if that's his baby or not. Anyway, Eddie brought Tracey Edmonds as his date last night. Tracey is the ex-wife of music producer, Babyface.

Tracey said that they have been dating for about a month. Dumb ho better not get too comfortable. Eddie is going to knock her up and break-up with her ass via TV.

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Fishsticks Paltrow made some comments over the weekend to a Portugese newspaper about how the British are so much better than the Americans. She has spoken to People and claims she is very upset and deeply concerned. Yeah, homegirl just doesn't want to get her ass kicked when she comes over here.

She said, "First of all I feel so lucky to be American. When you look at the rest of the world, we're so lucky, and that's something my dad always instilled in me. I feel so proud to be American. I felt so upset to be completely misconstrued and I never, ever would have said that. I definitely did not say that I think the British are more intelligent and civilized than Americans. I am a New York girl, that's how I always think of myself and see myself."

Fishsticks tried to save her ass by saying she doesn't know Spanish well. Isn't it Portugese not Spanish? She said, "This is what I said. I said that Europe is a much older culture and there's a difference. I always say in America, people live to work and in Europe, people work to live. There are positives in both. Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!"

Bitch needs to go back to seventh-grade period so some hot cholas with razors in their hair can beat her ass down!

"Divorce Court" is one of the great shows on TV for this very reason. This woman tells the court that she named her baby Namarun after the rapper Cam'ron. I'm not sure how she got Namarun out of his name, but whatever. Oh that kid is going to have some serious beatings in his future.

Source VIA Crunk + Disorderly

The Kennedy Center Honors were held in DC last night and Jessica Simpson tried to perform a tribute to Dolly Parton. Jessica came onstage and started to sing "9 to 5," but quickly effed up the lyrics and started to breakdown. She then told the audience she was "so nervous" and walked offstage. She came back for the finale, but was in tears.

Stupid ass! Who doesn't know the lyrics to 9 to 5? This dumbass probably started to sing 3 to 4, because those are the hours she works. Dolly should give her a slap down for that mess. Jessica was to pay tribute to Dolly NOT focus the attention on herself.

That being said, I can't wait to see video of this!

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A retired judge and a brokered lawyer will mediate a meeting between Michael Richards and the black men he offended during his gig at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. In case you were caught in between of Brit Brit's pubic hairs last week, Michael called the men the "n-word" over and over and over again.

Three of the four men announced with their lawyer, Gloria Allred (of course), that a meeting will take place with possible cash settlement.

The L.A. Times reports:

One of the men, Kyle Doss, read a statement in which he said he was "very hurt by what happened at the Laugh Factory", and welcomes the chance for the four men to tell Richards "how his words made us feel." Richards' spokesman, Chris Giglio, said Richards had been in touch with Allred since she emerged as a representative for the men, hoping to arrange an apology meeting. "He's really happy that he has a chance to do this," Giglio said. "The time and

the place haven't been determined yet… I imagine it would be sooner rather than later." Do they really deserve cash? I mean they do deserve a face-to-face apology, but I don't think they deserve cash money. But more power to them!