Dumbasses

The Australian show Hey Hey It's Saturday (even though it's Wednesday) welcomed Harry Connick Jr. on their live reunion show where he performed and guest judged the talent competition called Red Faces. Well, Red Faces was full of painted on black faces when a group called the "Jackson Jive" came out . And my face turned absolutely dead white. THE FUCK IS THIS?!

They had been on the show 20 years ago, and apparently were really popular, so they came back for more fuckery. The audience seemed to enjoy their asses and even brought the boos when the group was gonged. However, Harry wasn't amused. Not only did he give him them a giant ZERO, but when he got backstage, he threatened to quit that bitch. The producers and the host told Harry that they would let him say a few words about his feeling towards that shit.

Harry said, "I just wanted to say on behalf of my country, I know it was done humorously, but we’ve spent so much time trying to not make black people look like buffoons, that when we see something like that, we take it really to heart. I know it was in good fun, and the last thing I want to do is take this show to a down level—because you know how much I love this show and this country—but I feel like I’m at home here, and if I knew that was going to be part of the show, I probably—I definitely wouldn’t have done it.”

The dudes who took part in the skit still don't think it was that offensive. They said they did it as a tribute to Michael Jackson (insert THIS FACE here). One of the dudes said, "I suspect things are probably a bit different in America in terms of what that (black face) mean. I understand the history of the black face but certainly it was not construed in that way at all. All six of us discussed this at length whether or not we should put this on because we realised it may be controversial. We did go to the trouble of checking with the production staff and they seemed to ok it. Two of us come from India and one of us comes from Lebanon so we can't afford to be racist to be honest. If we did offend him (Connick) we truly didn't meant to."

I think the "Jackson Jive" needs to spend their Thursday night watching that episode of Gimme A Break! where Joey Lawrence performs in blackface at Nell's church and learns a life lesson from it. They can do that while I go and vacuum the fish tank.

VIA Scandalist

A group of drunk dicktards were causing trouble on the streets of Swansea, South Wales when a couple of cross-dressing dudes happened to walk by. The shitbags immediately started fucking with the drag queens thinking two men wearing wigs couldn't possibly pose a threat to them. Well, this turned out to be a hate crime GONE RIGHT!

The cross-dressers were actually two cage fighters dressed in drag for a party. As soon as one of the drunk morons threw a punch at one of the sexy ladydudes, it was all over after that. One of the cage queens delivered two fiiiieeeerce punches on the idiot. You know that hot bitch didn't even break a nail. Whatever lights were on in that house are now out! Dude stumbled off to die of shame on the street.

The cage queens didn't let those fuckers ruin their night, so they picked up their handbags and continued to work the stroll. That is how a ladeeee behaves.

Somewhere in the UK, Alex "Roxanne" Reid is prancing around in pink panties while shouting, "YOU GO GURLS!"

The drunktards were arrested later in the night for acting the fool. A judge sentenced them to four months of community service.

This just confirms that we need more cage fighting drag queens patrolling the streets at all times.

(Thanks Donna)

At last night's Blink 182/Fall Out Boy show at MSG in NYC, Pete Wentz declared that it was "THE DEATH OF THE EMO HAIRCUT" and let Mark Hoppus cut his hair off on stage. All together now: "He should've cut off his head instead!"

While I am happy for Pete's hairline since it probably hasn't seen the light of anything for a long ass time, his new shaved head really isn't the look. Before, he looked like a slow orangutan with an Emo wig, and now he just looks like a slow orangutan.

Pete did good by taking a machete to the emo haircut, but he should have backed away from the clippers and skipped towards the dread wax. Remember when Pete had dreadlocks:

I mean, Pete with hairy penises all over his head just made sense!

VIA People & Friends Or Enemies

Sean Penn might be in a little bit of trouble after he allegedly karate kicked and hit at a pap who tried to photograph his ass while he was leaving the Brentwood Country Mart yesterday. The pap who goes by the name of Jordan Dawes says that Sean, who looks like he was wearing a Jeff Spicoli wig at the time, went crazy on his ass a few times before getting in his car and busting out of the scene.

TMZ says that Jordan immediately filed a police report against Sean.

If you're a pap and Sean Penn comes around the corner, you better put on a helmet and pray for the power of Greyskull to be with you, because bitch don't play. Look at his old ass busting out a SPARTAAAA kick on that pap! The best part is that he's not letting anything happen to that bag of food he's holding. Sean must have spent time at the abuelita training camp, because memaws are masters when it comes to beating your ass with one hand while stirring a pot of food with the other.

And if the pap wanted to get Sean off of him, he should've just thrown a fake 8 ball or a rubber vagina at him. That'll keep Sean busy for a few quick seconds.

Beyonce and Basement Baby's daddy/manager, Matthew Knowles, might be a father again, but the mother is not his wife of 29 years Tina Knowles. WIGS WILL FLY!

TMZ reports that a woman who goes by the name of Alexsandra Wright filed a paternity suit against Daddy Knowles claiming that he's the papa je'e of her unborn baby. Alexsandra, who lives in Los Angeles and is in her 30s, is about six months pregnant. Please tell me she's going to name the baby Sasha Fierce Jr. Even if it's a boy. Especially if it's a boy.

Daddy Knowles probably won't believe he's the father until Maury utters those 4 magical words, but this could be good news for Solange! With a new Knowles spawn on the way, she will rise from the basement. Sasha Fierce Jr. will be the new basement baby who has to sit at the children's table for the rest of his days. Solange will finally have someone to throw a side-eye at.

Radar Online says that Rose McGowan has canceled her engagement to Robert Rodriguez. When Rose pink-slipped Robert, she should have also sent back her SAG Card too, because she's not going to need it anymore since he was the only one hiring her ass.

Sources say that shortly after Rose finished shooting Machete, which Robert directed (DUH), she dropped him faster than me during a game of "Hot Vagina". The two got engaged in 2007 after dating for about a year. The "escandalo" tag was used when they got together, because some say Robert left his wife of 16 years for Rose's tupperware face.

Doesn't Rose know that we are in a recession?! If Robert isn't beating her ass, fucking her immediate family members or eating her stash of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies, then she should have waited until the country is out of the red! Now is not the time to quit the dick that is putting food on your table. Or in Rose's case, putting botox in her face.

Shortly after TLC announced they were dropping the Jon from Jon and Kate Plus Eight, InTouchWeekly queefed out the news that he has hit the pause button on his divorce from Kate. Right on cue!

Jon and Kate's marriage was officially going to be fed to her rabid possum head in November, but now he's asking the court to delay it for 90 days. In the documents, Jon states: “Even though we were heading for a divorce, it appeared that Kate had been suffering from this divorce as much as I had. That’s why I asked my attorney to put the brakes on this divorce so I could try to regain control over the future of our family. So Kate and I could join on a cooperative course that would benefit our family — not destroy it. I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated [on June 22]. I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon.”

HAHAHA! I love how Jon is backpedaling his Big Wheel now that his checking account is in danger of going into overdraft. This is Jon's way of licking on TLC's butt dingles, because if he's not on the show, he's not getting a check. If he's not getting a check, how he is going to keep his tittays slathered in Ed Hardy and Hailey Glassman's bong filled with the good shit?

And Jon's lawyer is the fucking best. He confirmed that Jon put a stop to the divorce and added this, “He is hoping to inspire his wife to become less rigid, inflexible and controlling and open up. We’re hoping Jon and Kate can sit down together and start exploring what to do about their situation. Once they do that, the rest will fall into place.”

Something tells me that the headline on tomorrow's morning paper will be: "JON GOSSELIN'S LAWYER MAULED BY A RABIES INFECTED BEAST."

This is why we can't have nice things! This story of harebrained fuckery comes from the UK. Several hos who were driving along the street noticed that there was a gorilla running beside them. These dumb ass bitches called the police screaming about how there was an escaped gorilla on the loose. A gorilla in sneakers! When the cops arrived, they found that the "wild gorilla" was actually 45-year-old Rory Coleman in a gorilla costume. Rory had put on the costume for a charity marathon for The Gorilla Organization. This is some Trading Places shit!

The cops had a laugh and gave Rory several pounds as a donation. Rory told The Sun, "I told the police I'd come quietly as long as they gave me a banana."

This is why you don't drive right after dropping acid. If the drivers didn't call it in as a joke, then they really need a lobotomy. Give them a monkey's brain, because I can't even.....

Well, now Rory knows how Khloe Kardashian feels on a daily basis. You don't know how many times zookeepers have tried to lure her back to the zoo with bananas.

A chicken of the sea got caught in the net. Throw is baaaaaaack!

So, Jessica Simpson is off in Uganda shooting her Vh1 reality show The Price of Beauty. Before she went to bed, Jessica Twatted about having to sleep in a mosquito net. Jessica joked (I hope), "WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?"

To answer your question, Jessica, no you don't.

Jessica is already a giant bottle of OFF!. Mosquitoes won't bite her ass, because they know that if they do, they will be infected with chronic dumbass-itis.

VIA UsWeekly

On Tuesday afternoon, Jon Grosselin took a break from wet humping on anything who doesn't dry heave when he touches them to pack up his dogs and send them back to where they came from.

Jon told E! News that he has no choice but to return Shoka and Nala to their breeder, because Kate Gosselin's rabid possum head won't stop biting at their anal glands and teasing them. Oh and Kate also refuses to take care of Jon's dogs when he's not there, because you know, being a cunt is a full-time job.

Jon said, "It's not fair to the dogs to not be wanted in their own home." Jon didn't say why he couldn't pay someone to take care of his so-called dog friends or even take them with him to his douche den. I'm guessing Jon didn't like it when they kept barfing up their insides while watching him get it on with his homely piece of the moment.

I guess Shoka and Nala are better off going back to there breeder. Now if only someone could cage Jon up and send him back to his breeder.