Dumbasses

Haggard prays to God to please not make it hurt this time!

I don’t know what the president of the National Association of Evangelicals does, but apparently one of his duties doesn’t include fucking male escorts. Bummer. Reverend Ted Haggard quit his job after accusations by some male hooker that they were doing it hard for 3 years.

Teddy is stepping aside pending investigation by the church. He is apparently head of some church in Colorado Springs. Ted has admitted some guilt, but not all.

Ted made this statement on Wednesday, "I've never had a gay relationship with anybody. I'm steady with my wife. I'm faithful to my wife.” Teddy is married with five kids.

He issued this statement yesterday, "I am voluntarily stepping aside from leadership so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity. I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date. In the interim, I will seek both spiritual advice and guidance."

The male hooker in question claims that they met on the internet and Teddy paid him $200 a pop and that they also did coke with each other. Teddy denies the drug allegations, claiming that he’s never touched a drug in his life. The hooker came forward when he learned that Teddy’s church supports the proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

This dumb bitch’s wife better leave his ass. She won’t though, because she’s going to stand by him and shit. I love how he’s asking God to help him and shit. I’m sure you were asking for God’s help when that hooker was screwing you up the hiney. Damn, his ass is probably into some fucked up shit. This hooker should’ve videotaped it, for real. I would’ve videotaped that shit and sent it to that dumb whore, Jan Crouch. They are like church rivals right? Anyway, I can’t wait to see the shit that will turn up in the next coming weeks. I love gay thrillers set in the backdrop of the church!

That being said, I’d hit it. Just kidding. Ok, maybe just once.

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Ok all! I'm done playing with my Anna Nicole Smith doll. It's time for her to be put away. Seriously, it seems like every second there's something new about this twit. Bitch is totally creating this shit herself. Actually, her puppet master, Howard K. Stern, is. I thought I'd fill you in, just in case you haven't heard, that TMZ is reporting that Anna Nicole's true baby daddy is Larry Birkhead. In court documents filed Thursday, a woman named Laurie Payne swears to the God above that not only does Anna Nicole use AOL Instant Messenger, but she told her that Larry Birkhead was her babby daddy in those IMs.

Laurie also said that Anna previously miscarried one of Larry's babies. Laurie signed it and everything, so it's like really official. This woman also said that Anna is a crackhead, which we already know. Anna loves Methadone and Xanax. I mean, who doesn't?

So what does this do for us? Absolutely, nothing. Can they all go on Maury already and settle this like real Americans? I'm over it!!! But you know good and well I'll be writing another lame story about them tomorrow.

Splash News has pics of Lindsay Blohan yesterday making a fashion statement in an AA chip necklace. The chip is a sort of award that represents how long you've been sober. For Blohan's to ring true, it needs to say Ninety Seconds.

In other Blohan news, she's apparently found love with Diana Ross' teenage son, Evan. He's the hotness, but Blohan is a damn maneater. Besides, I think Evan plays on my team and by my team I don't mean tired, bitter bitches..I mean fags.

American Idol loser, Katharine McPee, wants to help out Nicole Richie. Katharine recently came out about her issues with weight and her battle with bulimia. She said, “I have sympathy and compassion for her. If she wants some extra support she can always call me.”

Nicole recently checked herself into a treatment center, but only spent 72 hours in there. She apparently left, because they wouldn’t allow her to go shopping.

She has sympathy and compassion for someone that would rather buy some fugly ass clothes instead of getting their life together? Nicole is lucky that she doesn’t have to work and can take the time out to deal with this issue. Some girls don’t have that luxury and have to work or go to school while juggling their disorders. Therefore, I have no sympathy for her dumb ass. Katharine needs to go away already. Disneyland needs a new singer at their Tomorrowland Cafe.

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Shanna Moakler is having a divorce party in celebration of, you guessed it, her divorce to Travis Barker. He shot off about this new situation on his MySpace:

SOMEBODY SENT A MESSAGE AND A FLYER WAS ATTATCHED (I POSTED IT BELOW). SHANNA IS HAVING A DIVORCE PARTY FOR HERSELF IN CELEBRATION OF OUR FAILED MARRIAGE APPARENTLY….. THIS IS THE SAME WIFE THAT EMAILED ME TO TELL ME SHE WOULD BE SLEEPING WITH HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN MY BED THE DAY OF OUR ANNIVERSARY 2 DAYS AGO SO THIS DOESN’T COME AS A SHOCK. AND THE SAME PERSON WHO IS MAKING "I LOVE SHANNA" SHIRTS FOR PEOPLE TO BUY, IN SUPPORT OF ALL THIS AND PLAYING THE VICTIM, IT SADDENS ME PEOPLE AND EVEN BRINGS ON THE URGE TO PUKE, HOPE IT DOES YOU AS WELL. IM GONNA SAY A LONG PRAYER FOR HER, SHE NEEDS IT. THERE ISN’T A PART OF SHANNA AND I AND THE FACT OUR MARRIAGE FAILED THAT I COULD BE CELEBRATING OR HAPPY ABOUT EVEN AFTER ALL OF THIS TIME IT WAS OUR FAMILY…IT WAS ALL WE HAD……I MEAN A PARTY??? WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER:) GOODNIGHT AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH U….STAR WARS IS ON AND THIS IS NOW IN THE PAST. HOPE SHANNA’S PARTY IS EVERYTHING SHE COULD HOPE 4.

What is wrong with these people? First of all, he needs to stop with the caps. It gives me a headache. Second of all, I'm not hating on her, because I would probably have a party too. He needs to chill. Also, why is he surprised? She's a dirty ho through and through and that's why I love her.

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Pete Doherty was in the hospital for two hours on Tuesday. Surprisingly, bitch didn’t OD. He was in the hospital, because he got Kate Moss’ ring stuck on his finger. They were fooling around at her London home when it got stuck and he had to be taken to the ER. Nurses used clippers to remove the ring.

A friend said, "Pete found it embarrassing -- and Kate found it hilarious."

I can see it now. The two were probably high as a kite taking turn doing rails when they thought it would be funny to fool around with her ring. I’m guessing that it wasn’t his finger, I’m guessing it was his prick it got stuck on. His pores spew out grease on the minute, so I'm surprised he couldn't just split it right off. These crackheads love to crack themselves up.

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Tyra Banks dressed as a fugly dude for the Halloween edition of her lame-ass talk show. She joined Chingy in performance. The two have been romantically linked and no doubt that they went home in costume and she did him in the ass. On the honest, she makes a totally passable dude. I'd hit it.

Chris Klein as a slice of idiot or Rose McGowan a Retardtini

KFed tried to turn it out at The West Hollywood Halloween Carnival, but failed to impress. Even before the music started for his first song and current single Privilege, the boos hit. Half of the crowd filled the night air with their moans of displeasure forcing KFed to vacate the stage after only one song.

One Dlisted reader said the crowd hated his ass from the beginning and it didn't cheer until his shit was offstage. He also wore a cape which added to his douchness.

Dumb bitch needs to stick to what he does best...which is...um...err....well?

Check out TMZ to see some video.

Courtney Love held a book signing yesterday in NYC for her new book Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love. The book chronicles her life after the death of Kurt Cobain and how she became a junkie and blah blah blah blah. Poor Courtney. Anyway, the gloves and glasses aren't working for me. I so want to read that book though. It's probably a brilliant piece of fiction.