Hot Slut of the Month

The Hot Slut of the Month election is upon us again! Get your finger nice and wet and get ready to vote! It will cure your hangover. Or will it make it feel worse? One of those! Anyway, here are your choices:

Felix Cane: Miss Pole Dance World 2009
Masanobu Sato: Mr. Masturbate-A-Thon 2009
The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt: Mr. All Things Magical and Mythical 2009
Kate Gosselin's Hair: Ms. Electrocuted Rodent 2009

The winning slut will be announced on Thursday. As always, vote with your LIFE! Voting is in the sidebar to the right ---------> -----> ---->

Since Susan Boyle is basically the ruler of the planet now, it's no surprise that she won Hot Slut of the Month by a landslide. Other hos tried to catch up, but nobody can hold a candle to her beauty or talent. Homegirl was so excited about this that she forgot to zip up her fly! Bust out, Susan. Bust out!

Thanks to all who voted!

Image: Fame Pictures

Please a take moments from giving your liver a pep-talk before tonight's tequila-filled debauchery, to vote for April's Hot Slut of the Month. April was chock full of piping hot sluts, so I have 5 for you to choose from. Your choices are:

Abel Xavier - SpongeBob's long-lost sexier half-brother. And he's a footballer too.
Scotland's #1 Male Barbie - No description necessary. Period.
Susan Boyle - The most famous crazy cat lady (next to Aniston) on the planet.
Freda Payne - A beautiful disaster with a voice like a drunk lounge singer.
Jesse James - The star of both my nightmares and my wet dreams.

Voting is in the sidebar to the right and the winning slut will be named Thursday. Vote with your LIFE.

Another pussy wins! The race for Hot Slut of the Month came down to Uggs and The Dharma Van, but the stunning pussy from New Hampshire pulled off the win! And he did it with grace, style and beauty. Uggs won 35% of the votes! He will now be in the running to succeed Spaghetti Cat as Hot Slut of the Year!

Uggs' owner needs to send this snapshot into Playboy, because this is the kind of pussy we want to see in that magazine. And is it normal that it looks like most of his vital organs are in his titty area?

Thanks to all who voted!

It's time vote for the third Hot Slut of the Month of 2009. This year is really turning into the quickest hand job ever. Anyway, this month we have a pussy, a crazy, a chef and a van! This shit sounds like game pieces found in a bootleg copy of Monopoly. So....here's your choices:

Uggs - The most ravishing pussy in Exeter, NH!
Alejandra Guzman - The elegant mess of Mexico!
Ina Garten - Chef, author, tastemaker, house flipper, TV star, icon and everything!
The Lost Dharma Van - A van

Voting is in the sidebar to the right. The winning Hot Slut will be crowned on Thursday! Happy voting and use a condom!

The reign of the memaw continues! Clara from Great Depression Cooking beat out that trick Helen Thomas and the US Window Factory Beauty for the title of Hot Slut of the Month! Clara got 41% of the votes or some shit.

I was thinking of Clara today as I ate my delicious lunch of a Cup-O-Noodle and a mayonnaise and cheese sandwich (don't hate). I dreamt of what Clara could make using those three things. She could probably transform that shit into a steak and lobster dinner. No joke.

Anyway, thanks to all who voted!

February is one of those quick minute months, so there's only 3 hot sluts to choose from and 2 are memaws! 2009 really is the year of the Memaw. One of these sluts will skip on to the Hot Slut of the Year pageant with Stains. None of them really have any chance against Stains, right? Anyway, here are your choices:

The US Window Factory Beauty: You should cawl her!
Helen Thomas: The baddest bitch at the White House.
Clara from Great Depression Cooking with Clara: The lone memaw who will keep us all well-fed during the next depression. Gulp.

Voting is in the sidebar to the right. Vote with your life! The winning slut will be announced Thursday.

There was really no competition. Stains became Hot Slut of the Month as soon as The Soup brought him to the masses! DJ Lady Tribe will have to take her pussy shot elsewheres, because STAINS is now in the running to become the world's next top hot slut.

I was thinking (don't try this at home), now that Vivica Fox is longer associated with the Slycic Friends Network, they obviously need a new spokeswhore. That should be Stains! When I look into his eyes, I can see the future! And the future is CUPCAKES!!!

Thanks to all who voted! Go make love to a cupcake now.

Here we are again. Time really fucking flies when you're being cunty...and slutty....and drunky. It's the magic hour where we all do our monthly finger exercises by voting for Hot Slut of the Month. I feel this shit is going to be a cupcake-lined landslide, but you never know. Sometimes there's surprises. I'm still licking the wounds I suffered from the shock of Rojo losing the big title to Spaghetti Cat. But Spaghetti Cat is a worthy winner. He has already fulfilled his first duty by reading The Gold Digger's Guide to schoolchildren. We have to spread the Hot Slut philosophy early.

Anyway, any of these 5 whores could have the crown next year. Your choices are:

Ian Golder - Boxed macaroni and cheese's baby daddy!
DJ Lady Tribe - Pristine lady and professional pussy shot drinker!
Sergey Zverez - The most beautiful ladyman in Russia!
Stains - The magical dog with the ability to devour cupcakes with his eyes!
Aramis Fuster - The world's biggest liar! I mean, biggest witch!

Voting is in the sidebar to the right. The winning slut will be announced Thursday. Happy voting!

For a quick second, I thought the magnificent Shiba Inu 6 would make your hearts grow back, forcing you to vote for them to win, but this did not happen! Rojo Caliente won over 50% of the votes. This was the right choice. Rojo is now the final Hot Slut of the Month and the first part of voting will begin tomorrow to determine who is the hottest slut who ever slutted (during 2008 anyway).

Thanks to all who voted!