Elisabeth Hasselcrack

On "The View" this morning Elisabeth Hasselbeck finally got her chance to tell the country why she thinks Sarah Palin would make a good president and she totally fucked up!

It all started when the hens in the coop started arguing about Palin and Obama's experience and other shit like that. Joy and Elisabeth started going at it and finally Barbara Walters interrupted them and said, "Every single day you never ever say, maybe there's another point, so this is your chance. Tell us now why you think that Sarah Palin would make a very good President."

Elisabeth's white cotton panties must have gotten twisted because she got all bitchy with Babs and said,"Well, since I've been studying for this pop quick forever! I....tell me why Barack Obama is qualified. Give me three tangible things he has done." Answering a question with a question. Get 'em Hasselbeck!

Elisabeth should have just called Meredith and asked to use one of her life lines. (Thanks, Tina Fey!)

Right after Elisabeth's response, Joy asked to go to a commercial! Ha. A few seconds later Elisabeth gave all her reasons and then they went right to commercial. UGH! Why do they do that shit? The only reason I watch these crows is to see them fight and then they ruin it by cutting them off. REFUND!

his shit was also entertaining because Barbara was dressed like a little old harlequin doll. She should pose for the Naked Clowns Calendar!

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The woman on the right obviously approves of Elisabeth Hasselbeck leaving "The View." The lady's wish might come true! The National Enquirer (via Popcrunch) reports that Elisabeth is flying the crazy lady coop for a job at Fox News. A match made in hell!

Elisabeth is reportedly considering the job. A source said: “Elisabeth feels she can’t win at The View, but she’s been told by friends at FOX News that they’d find a spot for her without hesitation.” Elisabeth is just as tired of the ladies at The View as they are of her! She feels she constantly has to defend herself. Besides that, when she gets passionate about her opinions, the others make her look like she’s hysterical. But when she doesn’t talk enough, she’s accused of ‘pouting,” says the tattle."

Hearing Elisabeth's yappy voice on "The View" makes me want to attack a baby tree with safety scissors, but honestly that shit would be boring with her. There would be nobody to attack! They would all just sit there, sipping their hot water and agreeing with each other. Booooring!

Besides, my asshole would lose out on its daily exercise. Every time she speaks, my no-no hole clenches. If that bitch left, it would get all lazy and out of shape.

UsWeekly has come out with their second annual list of the 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers. You know, because next to Vogue, UsWeekly is the go-to fashion bible. The list included Aubrey O'Day, Ty Ty Banks and that one frigid bitch from that one morning talk show.

Aubrey definitely belongs on that list. Nobody expertly mixes the styles of "cracked out disco dancer," "hooker with a penis" and "burnt up Palm Beach socialite" quite like Aubrey. She is a true fashion artiste.

I also agree with their choice of Ty Ty, because if I don't, she'll sic her tenhead on me. Hasselcrack shouldn't be on a "best" anything list.

The list also includes John Legend, Christian Siriano, Kelly Ripa, Gayle King, Sean Avery and Nina Garcia. Click here to see all the hos on the list.

Us completely fucked up by not mentioning one of the most stylish New Yorkers of all-time: ROJO CALIENTE!!!! This hot bitch makes an outfit from the clearance bin at Men's Warehouse look like a million dollars! She is a style icon. Just the other day I wore a pair of old pleated khaki shorts in her honor. And I can't believe I just admitted that I own a pair of pleated khaki shorts.

Last night, Joy Behar filled in for Larry King and had Fran Drescher on the show. The conversation somehow turned to the whole "N" word drama on "The View." That's when Fran asked Joy a question about Elisabeth, "What's with the crying? Is that how she wins battles with her husband?" No, because I doubt her husband talks to her annoying ass anymore. He just shrugs when she asks him a question and then shuffles off to his office to watch porn.

Of course, Elisabeth Hasselcrack couldn't keep her cunt hole shut about Fran's comment. She called into the show and said, "I was busy watching Hannity & Colmes and wanted to pop in and see you Joy. And I had to express my disappointment in Fran. You speak about women's rights and you certainly wasted no time in cutting another woman down....." I have no idea what she said after that because I only heard the sound of wet queefing.

I'm surprised Elisabeth didn't turn on the fake crocodile tears for Fran. Can't someone have a damn opinion without Hasslebrack moaning about it?

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Elisabeth Hasselbarf got all emotional on "The View" today while talking about the use of the "N" word. It all started when the group of hens started yapping about Jessie Jackson using the word in a news tape on Fox News. Elisabeth tried to argue that we all live in the same world and so nobody should use that word ever, because of the children. Think of the children!

That's when Whoopi turned on and told Elisabeth that we don't live in the same world, and that the word is only as powerful as we allow it to be. The fake bitch didn't understand this shit so she started breaking down.

You know when you hear bad news and you don't really care about it, but you think you should care about it, so you try and force the tears to come out? That's what Elisabeth was doing. Bitch needs to learn the "pull your pubic hairs" technique to bring on the real tears.

Ugh. She's so annoying! I just wanted Whoopi to calmly walk over and slap her in the teeth. That would've made the bitch cry for real.

Thank God for crazy ass Barbara Walters who saved the day with her zany tongue.

Rosie O'Donnell attended the Broadway opening of The Little Mermaid last night where she confessed to People that she has made up with Elisabeth Hasselcrack. Lesbos! Rosie said she sent baby gifts to Elisabeth's new son Taylor Thomas, "He's very, very cute. I saw him on TV, and I sent him a lovely gift, and [she and Hasselbeck] have been e-mailing each other. And peace prevails."

"We e-mail back and forth. She seems good. She looks like she adopted, like she didn't give birth. She looks perfectly fit and gorgeous already."

Wow, Rosie's in a great mood. I thought she was going to hate Elisabeth for the rest of her life. Too bad her skin doesn't fit the inside. I'm sure that's what the inside of Paris Hilton's ass cheeks look like. Rosie stays out of the damn sun. It's making you look like you have an STD on your face.

Here's Rosie with her love-love-lover Kelli last night.

Images: Wenn

Elisabeth Hasselcrack called into "The View" this morning to reveal the name of her baby boy who was born this past weekend in Arizona. Elisabeth and her husband have named him Taylor Thomas Hasselbeck. She also showed off some pictures of him.

Who knew Hasselcrack was such a Home Improvement fan.

Laura Ingraham was the guest co-host on the show and asked Elisabeth if Taylor was already a registered Republican. You know he is.