Uncomfortable

Seventeen Magazine asked American Idol's resident fetus, David Archuleta, about his first kiss. David answered, "I haven’t had a first kiss."

That makes sense. David probably doesn't have hair "down there," so he's definitely not ready for his first kiss. And even though he's 17, anybody that kisses David on the lips is a creepy child toucher.

Read the rest of David's interview at ONTD. He also doesn't like short skirts on girls! I think we found our new Gayken....

VIA Popwrap

Mini-Me picked up his mini-phone, called his mini-lawyers and ordered them to file a not-so-mini lawsuit against TMZ. Mini-Me is suing over that super sexy tape of him doing fuckey fuckey times with some pony lady.

In the lawsuit filed yesterday, he claims TMZ "violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape" on their website. According to Mini, the sexay tape was stolen by a mini-burglar!

He is asking for $20 million and wants the court to stop the distribution of this porn masterpiece.

Even $20 million couldn't make me unsee the image of Mini-Me's lizard tongue attacking pony lady. And in case you need reminding, clip below:

And here comes the bagel you ate earlier.....

A new UK reality show called "Britian's Missing Top Model" is set to debut on the BBC this July. The show is a modeling competition featuring models from around the world with various disabilities. Some chicks have missing limbs, one is paralyzed and another is deaf.

Producers on the show are major lie-tellers because they claim they are "trying to raise awareness." Naw, they are trying to raise cash. Let's be real. One of the judges on the show, the editor of Marie Claire UK, told the NYDN, "I do believe the program could help challenge our attitudes to disability. I want to see the winner shake up the fashion industry. These young women shouldn't be invisible to the fashion world just because they are disabled."

I'm in shock that Heather Mills and TyTy didn't join evil forces to put this show together. You know they are in a closed-door meeting right now planning the American version of this fuckery.

I don't know whether to be offended or excited. I know that I'm a little upset, because it's airing in the UK and not in the US. Thank Jeebus for YouTube!

Below are some of the models from the show. It's obvious that TyTy isn't involved in this, because none of them are smiling with their eyes. And is the chick in the third thumbnail, Wonky McValtrex?

Pull out the Kleenex and KY, because a Mini-Me sexy time tape is upon us! It's what your genitals have been waiting for. TMZ has a "tiny" clip of Verne Troyer tonguing his girlfriend at the time. SugarDVD has reportedly offered $100,000 for the sex tape, but no deal has been made.

I need to see this now, just so I know what Mini-Me is working with. I bet he has taquito dick with extra cheese. I mean, does it even reach?!

They better call this shit "Mini-In-Me" or I'm going to be pissed!

Click here to watch the "short" clip and try not to bust a nut all over your keyboard.

Brooke Hogan talked to UsWeekly about those creepy ass pictures of her daddy giving her nalgas and thighs a rub down with lotion. I think we all simultaneously took scalding hot showers after seeing those pictures.

Brooke said, "I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!"

You know Hulk came when he read that. And what does an old car have to do with any of this?! Unless you're the dude who has fucked 1,000 cars, nobody should grope a car like that.

Image: INFDaily.com

On Sunday's episode of "The Two Coreys," both Coreys admitted to being child touched when they were 14 or 15. Corey Feldman told July's GQ (via Page Six) that it wasn't the gloved one. He said, "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael. He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering."

No wonder Jacko is going broke! He has to use his "Thriller" cash to pay off these two meth faces.

Corey went on to say, "It's something that will be addressed in my inner soul for the rest of my life, and it's something that truly affects me . . . It's just like, it happened, it's over, and move on. Let's move on to the next subject."

Yeah, let's move on. All this talk of child touching and Corey rape is making me uncomfortable. So, here's a video of Hope the puppy who was born without front legs. It will warm your heart or....make you feel uncomfortable again. Oh well, I tried!

Video VIA Cute Overload

Yes, more American Idol nonsense. It won't go away!!! Last night's finale was like one, long commercial. They pushed everything from that lame Mike Myers movie to Guitar Hero. Fetus and Cook both reenacted Tommy Girl's ultra gay scene from "Risky Business" for a Guitar Hero commercial.

Both of the commercials were pretty dorky, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I'm sure the Idol bosses put a gun to Cook's head. However, Fetus' commercial was uncomfortable to watch. That shit is just not right. They should have at least made it believable by putting him in SpongeBob SquarePants underoos.

The minute Fetus came on the screen wearing boxers, pedos everywhere hit "record." Thanks to Guitar Hero and Idol for giving pedos something to do this weekend.

Below is Cook's commercial and above is Fetus'.

VIA ONTD

41-year-old Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. My non-existent vagina hurts. The 21st member of The Duggar family will be born around New Year's Day. Baby number 18 will join its 7 sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

The family lives in a 7,000 square foot home in Arkansas. They are currently shooting a reality series for Discovery Health.

Michelle's husband, Jim Bob, said, "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."

The Duggar children's first names all begin with the letter J. They are: Josh, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9-months.

They are running out of Js! They are going to have to start dipping into the Ps soon.

Well, if the Duggars ever run out of room in their house, a few of the children can move into Michelle's vagina. You know it's like a 6-car garage up in there.

Source

Jennifer Hudson's crotch is suffocating! Someone give it mouth to mouth. It looks like it's trying to take in a few more gulps of air before it passes out. JHud, your crotch is not David Blaine! Let it breathe.

Here's JHud and her suffocating crotch in NYC last night. Her crotch is in peril, but her chichis look magnificent!

Satan don't take me now! I don't know what's scarier, Elisabeth Hasselcrack or that big tranny pony? The combination of the two is fucking frightening.

I'm definitely checking under my bed tonight for a Republican twat in pink or a big tranny pony.

Here's Hasselcrack, her daughters and big tranny pony at the premiere of "My Little Pony Live!" at Madison Square Garden tonight. Wait, you mean there's more of those big tranny ponies? Hold me.....