Gay

Is Gossip Girl finally going to show some hot dude-on-dude action? SPOILER ALERT (Maybe). Well, the "hot" part is to be determined, but apparently they are going to give us a little gay action courtesy of Chuck Bass and the piece above. Michael Ausiello over at EW.com has it on good authority that Chuck Bass will pucker up his precious trout lips for actor Neal Bledsoe next season.

The storyline is kind of brings the bores. Neal will play the head of freshmen affairs at NYU, where Blair Waldorf Salad is a student. Blair really wants to deliver the freshmen speech at some school event, so Chuck Bass seduces Neal to get her the gig. BOOM! That's it. This is The CW, so I doubt this is going to make you want to fidget with your privates. I'm guessing no tongue, no nipple pinching, no face slapping and no hair pulling. I'd rather watch Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford's private home movies. But a gay kiss is a gay kiss, so this is a start.

Here's those GG hos (including Hilary Duff) shooting in NYC yesterday. And is Chuck Bass butt queefing in the second thumbnail below? Because the chick with the blue purse looks like she smells one.

Lance Bass left a night club in London on Sunday night with a sessy piece wearing my mom's favorite Easter blouse and some kind of necklace/scarf thing. A scarlace, perhaps?

Lance piece 'o the night wasn't happy about the paps taking pictures, so he took matters into his own *fierce* hands! Don't laugh! Bitch is serious. Look at him shoving Lance's head into his pit with one hand while keeping the other limpy hand looking faaaabulous. Those paps shouldn't have effed with him. Dude can sashay circles around you and make you dizzy. If that didn't work, he could blind you with his fart glitter. Luckily, the paps knew that fucking with a unicorn was not the way, so they backed off. Meanwhile, Lance laughed the entire time. Just like us!

And by the way, I would not appreciate some dude shoving my head in his pit zone. Unless you've got a dick hanging out of your armpit, my head goes in the crotch area.

This headline wrapped me in a pink faux-fur throw, handed me a glass of pink champagne in a pink crystal flute and whispered the lyrics of Brit Brit's "I Was Born To Make You Happy" in between blowing pink bubbles in my face. This is exactly why I spend 99.9999% of my day skipping through the internet. I feel like I've just won Mega Millions.

But pink fluffiness aside, this is a serious and sad story! A dog friend is missing! Brian Dortort of Wilton Manors, FL said that he was at a gay bar called Georgie's Alibi (no-no explosion #1) with his pet chihuahua Hudson Hayward Hemingway (no-no explosion #2), when a man with Britney Spears' name tattooed on his arm or neck (no-no explosion #3) asked if he could hold the dog. When Brian turned around, HHH was gone along with his carrying case (no-no explosion #4)

Brian is asking for the public's help to find little Hudson Hayward Hemingway! Brian says HHH is a 4-month-old Chihuahua about the size of a softball, light-cream colored with a pink belly, pink ears and pink earrings (no-no explosion #5,6,7,8,9).

And now while you're searching for Hudson Hayward Hemingway (SPOILER ALERT: he ran the fuck away when he got the chance), I need to chase down the mobile clinic that just left the front of my building, because I think I might be having a seizure.

Source: NBCMiami VIA Buzzfeed

Squinty Zellweger's former homegirl, Kenny Chesney, is launching his own clothing line called Blue Chair Bay. Kenny told People that his new line, for both dicks and chicks, will be like “that favorite T-shirt that you’ve washed a lot that is kind of sun bleached… your favorite khakis, and your shirt that you’ve had forever."

Kenny says this isn't something he just stamped his name on. When he wasn't performing on stage or trolling the bath houses for a peen that won't quit, Kenny was getting his purdy hands dirty by helping to design this crap. Kenny even named some of the pieces after his favorite butt buddies friends, “I’ve got a shirt that says 'Bob’s Charter' and Bob is a buddy of mine that’s been living in the islands for a long time.”

Kenny didn't mention it, but his collection will also include assless chaps, jean shorts with dick hole cutouts, sleeveless shirts with built-in nipple clamps and puka shell cock rings.

So, Stewie, the evil babeh on the Family Gay, is a peen lover on the down low. Yeah, tell the house band to play The DUH Song over and over again. We all saw the signs.

Seth MacFarlane told Playboy (via The NYDN) that it's really no surprise since Stewie wants to kill his mom and take over the world. Note to my mom: No, need to sleep with a machete under your pillow, because not all gays are like that. Oh and I don't want to take over the world either. I just want to take over the Mother's Cookies factory. Anyway, this is what Seth said:

"We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.’ But we decided it’s better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he’s a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he’s so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation."

Yes, this is not shocking, but part of me also thought that Stewie was some kind of walking mutant penis. I mean, Stewie's head is exactly the same shape as one of my ex-boyfriend's peen. Seriously, it looked like a soggy dumpling...which is why he's my ex-boyfriend.

Kelly Clarkson performed on Good Morning America yesterday and decided to lick on the giant gaysicle known as Sam Champion (tastes like pancake make-up, bronzer, urinal cakes, glory hole dust and the back of Diane Sawyer's hand).

You can't tell from this picture, but Sam's penis has crawled up into his stomach and his yes-yes hole looks like a slug after getting doused in salt. The reason? A woman's tongue has never been that close to Sam and he doesn't know how to handle it! Sam is trying to focus. He's using his gaymagination to picture Kelly's tongue as a rock hard nine incher. You can tell by the look in his eyes that's it's not working.

The Glittery of YouTube needs to stop production on all Beyonce-related material and pick up Shakira's new video for "She-Goat She-Wolf." My ass needs to see them fluttering about in a cut up Capezio catsuit, grinding on their mother's guest bed, thrusting in a large-sized dog cage from Petco and... and... and... And what the hell are they going to use for that giant *fancy* sparkly organ cave Shakira's busting it in? That part looks like a lost scene from Ricky Martin's colon cam.

VIA Idolator

Guess what? LeAnn Rimes and her baby gay-faced husband Dean Rainbow Sherbert (government name: Dean Sheremet) are no longer NOT having sex with each other under the same roof. A source close to LeAnn tells People that after 7 years of marriage, they aren't together anymore and haven't been since the first season of RuPaul's Drag Race debuted (I'm speaking mine and Dean's language here).

The source went on to say, "LeAnn and her husband have been separated for quite some time now, but they continue to try and work through their relationship."

LeAnn's rumored fuck time partner, Eddie Cibrian, is also having marriage problems. A few days ago, his wife announced that she put his ass on the curb and said he belongs with LeAnn.

I don't know if LeAnn and Eddie belong together, but I do know that Dean better milk that ho dry. I'm talking about LeAnn, but if Eddie is into it, Dean should milk him too. Seriously, Dean should take of all of LeAnn's "How Do I Live Without You?" money and go crazy! Run free! Buy some menses! Pull a Gay Al Renolds!!! Freak out!

Image: Pacific Coast News

Someone who was at the Sasha Fierce show in Los Angeles told People that Tommy Gurrrrrllll was there without his Stepford Beard and he broke into the "Single Ladies" dance in front of everyone!! The ho went on to say, "Everyone was laughing and taking pictures."

If this ever makes it onto the internet, every Glittery Gay of YouTube is going to pack up their swish and go, because the know they could never top this! And by "never top this," I mean that in more ways than one, because I don't think Tommy Girl busts it like that.

My glitter fountain is slowly drying up just from picturing Tommy Girl dropping his Scientolohole low. That's probably the dance he does when Stepford Katie tries to get frisky. When Tommy thrusts his hips, even robotic vaginas shut down.

Image source: Fugly.com (how appropriate)

Moviefone asked DanRad what he thinks of Dumbledore becoming a gay icon and this is what he said:

"It's wonderful. I grew up around gay people my entire life, basically, that's possibly why I'm quite camp, and some people think I'm gay when I meet them, which I think is awesome. It's always good to keep them guessing [laughs]. I don't go on any blogs or chats or anything, but my friends are demons for them, and apparently someone said 'Daniel Radcliffe is gay. He's got a gay face!' [laughs] I really don't know what a gay face is. But I think it's wonderful that Dumbledore was outed as gay ... Half of me thinks Jo Rowling just did that to see if she could piss off the right wing, but I'm not sure how true that is. I think she had it planned, I think she always knew he was gay."

You know, I'm still mad at DanRad for not properly showcasing his peen when I went to see Equus last year, but quotes like this have me inching closer to forgiveness. And if anyone is guessing about DanRad's possible dick-loving ways, just look at the suit he's wearing in the picture above. WELL! You were thinking it too.