Gay

When purdy purdy Zac Efron decided he wasn't going to flutter and flounce in the musical remake of Footloose, Chace Crawford's precious name came up. Well, now it's been confirmed. The Hollywood Reporter says it's all official and Chace will fly around like a fragile butterfly in Footloose which doesn't start filming until March 2010. Gross.

I have nothing against Chace. I mean, I'm sure that when he scoots his ass against the tile floor, he leaves a trail of glitter jelly, but he is not the one! I'd much rather see him in a porn version called Fistloose.

But in Chace's defense, there's only one bitch who can play Ren McCormack and that's Kevin Bacon! Why couldn't Paramount throw him a bone in the form of a check. Kevin needs one! Remember a few months ago when he was begging for a job. This is the job! Kevin can still squeeze into his old dad jeans and leap better than whores half of his age. JAZZ HANDS: Kevin Bacon will always do them right!

Sacha Baron Cohen really wanted to get into character when he filmed Bruno, but it sounds to me like there wasn't an authentic gay on set to help him through this process. Sacha decided to bleach every single hair follicle on his body, so he could have the body of a hairless European twink power bottom. But who bleaches anymore? Well, besides my cholita cousin who thinks we all can't see her blonde moustache glistening in the sun. Don't tell her I told you that. I mean, every gay knows waxing the ass is the only way! Invisi-bleach is so 80s.

Anyway, either Sacha didn't want to waltz with wax or nobody told him. Sacha found out the hard way that bleach is not the answer. The Sun says that shortly after he got bleached, his no-no turned into an ouch-ouch. A source said, “He had a bad allergic reaction to hydrogen peroxide, which is a strong bleaching agent. It was so severe around a certain part of his anatomy that he couldn’t sit down for three days. He had to make an emergency appointment with the doctors, who gave him some medication to counter the irritation. Crew members found the whole incident hilarious and it slowed down filming for a bit, but Sacha soon got over the discomfort. He has suffered no long-lasting ill effects.”

Down for 3 days?! What kind of fake gay is he? If you're going to act the part, ACT the part. Dip that ass in some oestrogen cream, shake it off and get back out there! There have been times where my b-hole was on death's door, but I slapped it into action, inhaled and handled my business. There's no crying in butt sex!

Matthew Broderick is currently doing a play on Broadway, so I'm going to assume that those matching pubic hair triangles on his face have something to do with that. Because I don't know why he would do that just for shits. It makes him look even more like high school world history teacher with a serious case of shit breath who has been known to loiter around in the boy's locker room for way too long. That shit is not the look.

And Sarah Jessica Parker is not nuzzling for the cameras, she's sniffing at that extra hay on Matthew's face. She's fighting the urge to chew. Matthew better keep her stable door tightly shut at night or she may wander into his bed chamber to nibble at his pork chops. And we know he doesn't want that.

Here's Matthew and SJP at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of his movie Wonderful World last night.

Can Susan Boyle do this?! Actually, I don't want to know the answer to that question. Here we have four hot Swedish twinkies shaking their lingonberries while doing the Scientology initiation dance on Sweden's Got Talent. I co-sign that with my peen pen. Sweden does have talent.

This hotness might be a little NSFWish, unless your job approves of viewing Swedish ass on the job. If that's the case, never quit! Ass after the jump. JUMP!!!

Obviously, these two twats are getting dressed in two different closets in probably two different rooms! Matthew Broderick looks like a child toucher with a serious case of halitosis who charms you with his according playing and then offers you some candy from his jar. Meanwhile, Sarah Jessica Parker is looking like a Day-glo Disco My Little Pony left on the dusty backroom storage shelf of a Toys R Us in Indiana since the 80s. If these two faglets can't even coordinate their outfits, how are they coordinating their genitals. They ain't!

And SJP's mug is looking especially filly-ish. Maybe she's full of guilt for throwing Vadge off of her back. Aw. Nibble on a sugar cube and don't be so hard on yourself, Pony. Any bitch would've tossed that roid beast off of them.

Here's Faggy and Haggy at the premiere of Mary Stuart on Broadway last night.

The words "gay" and "fish" usually cancel each other out, but Matt & Trey made it work on South Park last night. The words came together just for Kanye West. The term "gay fish" was born for him. During the episode, Kanye realizes that he loves fishdick and he dives into the ocean so that he can be gay with the fishes and toss their gills. Gay Fish Kanye even sings a song in his signature Atari '84 voice. Totally authentic. Kanye was really meant to be a gay fish

I have been patiently refreshing Kanye's blog all morning for his response to this GAY FISH FUCKING SHIT FUCK, but he has yet to utter a peep. I hope that when he does, he brings back his ALL-CAPS rants. The internets hasn't been the same without them.

Stop making Mah Boo Anderson's corn husk and kernel wedding outfit, because there's been a change in plans! We're taking our asses to Vermont, because they just make it legal for the gays and lezzies to marry in their little state! USA Today says the Senate and House said "fuck no" to Gov. Jim Douglas veto of a bill allowing same-sex marriage. The Senate voted 23-5 against the veto and the House voted 100-49. They got the two-thirds required to shoot that shit down.

Vermont has become the fourth state to allow gay marriage. They are also the first state to do it with a legislature's vote instead of from the courts like Iowa, Massachusetts and Connecticut did. 2 states in one week's time! 4 down, 46 to go!

Okay, so now that my wedding to Mah Boo has once again changed locales to Vermont, I'll need to rethink the wedding attire. According to Wikipedia, Vermont is known for their maple syrup and dairy products. That means Mah Boo will bring the cream and I'll bring the syrup...if I ain't being too subtle. Oh fuck, subtlety is not for me ! Mah Boo will bring the jizz and I'll bring the ass syrup! That's what I meant. The wedding will take place at the Beetlejuice house.

Bobby Trendy, the gaysian alien from Planet Faggotry, is really dedicated to his famewhore game. This bitch pulls out all the stops. This ho will crash a Little Miss Pageant and rip some sequined dress out of a tiny girl's hands so that he has a frock glittery enough to work the ho stroll in. And if it's not fancy enough, all he has to do is ass queef on that shit and it's suddenly covered in sparkles. This shit is like a Little Miss Pageant and an S&M party did wrong things together and this was created out of it. A slow-moving tranny train wreck and that tortured dog knows it! Put that pooch at the top of the suicide watch list!

And the original artiste known as Lady CaCa (served with a deep-fried eye roll) with be copying this look in 3...2.....

What the hell is Ben Affleck yapping about? This is what he told Esquire, "The best cure for a hangover is something one straight man can't do for another straight man."

Is he talking about getting it in the turdcutter? Because if that cured the drunk ills, I'd put vodka in my Frosted Flakes, vodka in my Top Ramen and vodka in my bath. Days would be filled with vodka and ass sex! Okay, it already is, but it would be so much better without the barfing part (I'm not that kinky).

Maybe he's talking about facials? And if he is, we already know he does that with Matt every Sunday while the wives are at brunch.

VIA Page Six

The Iowa State Supreme Court ruled this morning that a ban on same-sex marriage is gross and struck that motherfucker down! That bitch got banished back to the dark ages. This will make Iowa the fourth state that allows gays and lesbians to attach a ball and chain to their ankles legally! Hoo-RAY!

The Associated Press summed up the Supreme Court's ruling: "The court reaffirmed that a statute inconsistent with the Iowa constitution must be declared void even though it may be supported by strong and deep-seated traditional beliefs and popular opinion."

The court's ruling will take around 21 days to be made final. The Polk County Attorney said they would not ask for a rehearing, so gays and lesbians could start getting married in just a few weeks!

You know, when I first saw Austin Scarlett's corn husk dress on Project Runway, I knew this would be the perfect ensemble for Mah Boo Anderson Cooper to wear to our wedding. It goes with the dazzling silver field on his head.

Now that Iowa is close to marrying the gays, Mah Boo in a wedding outfit made from corn is meant to be! Yeah, I know you're thinking I should wear that, but he has the legs for it. And don't worry! He's going to butch it up by pairing it with leggings and a blazer made out of corn kernels. I'll wear something made out of hay or oats. It'll be the perfect Iowa wedding! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get him to lift that restraining order against me. He's always playing hard to get!