Gay

Are you looking for the perfect fun film to show your church during holy movie night (do they have that?) What am I saying? None of you whores go to church! You still have the singe marks on your genitals from the last time you tried step in one! Anyway, this is the Bruno trailer! In order to watch it you have to answer like a bunch of really hard math problems, because I guess it's kind of NSFWish. I'm surprised they didn't ask for a stool sample and your great grandma's middle name. I had to call up my 5-year-old cousin to help me out with this shit. Why do they make things so hard?

But it was worth it. Especially the part about what he names his African baby. And Richard Fucking Bey is in this! Oh, I hope this shit proves to be really damn offensive.

Here's a few pictures from Beyonce's I Am....RIDICULOUS tour in Vancouver last night. There's really no explanation for this mess. This was born from a Mugler and a Knowles, so that's explanation enough!

Glittery condom men? The Transformers logo on Beyonce's pussy bone? The Elmer's glue used to keep her lacefront down? I feel like I need to witness this faggotry for myself, but I'm afraid my extreme levels of gayness will clash with the extreme levels of tranniness radiating off of Sasha Fart causing an explosion of weave tracks, face clay, tarantula legs, sequins and coagulated jizz. The world is not equipped.

The skanks at the MPAA are so fucking dumb. I swear. In a movie, If a bitch chopped off another bitch's head and then fucked it in the neck stump, that would be okay with the MPAA as long as the scene was between a female and a male. But if two dudes have harmless ass sex in a movie, that shit gets stamped with a big fat NC-17. The Wrap says the MPAA has done just that to Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno.

Those prune people at the MPAA have issues with a few scenes. In one scene, Bruno and another dude show their love for another by engaging in a little peen-to-no-no action. In another scene, Bruno goes on a little hunting trip and surprises another hunter by getting totally nekkid.

A head whore at Universal, the studio releasing the movie, said they will not put that shit out if it gets an NC-17 rating. Sacha is appealing the decision, but is also finding ways to cut scenes thus killing all the booty-hole-fucking fun.

The members of the MPAA need to do themselves in the ass with (NSFW: DON'T CLICK ON THIS) the biggest dildo ever (DON'T), because they are so damn uptight. I mean, Nicole Kidman's frozen face is more horrific and disturbing than some ass sex and Australia didn't get an NC-17.

If you ask me, if a movie doesn't have hot gay sex in it, it should get an automatic NC (needs cock) rating.

Jakey Gyllnehaal and Mike White tossed a few salads (and soup) during lunch in Los Angeles where I'm sure they talked about Mel White the whole entire time. Well, Mel and what their favorite brand of lube it.

But mostly they yapped about Mel, because what else is there to talk about? If you have no idea what I'm babbling about, then watch that Amazing Race shit, because Mike competes with his daddy Mel on it. Mel is seriously the big gay pepaw I never had! During last night's episode, he's one of the only bitches who figured out you had to use the basket to move the hay (no, that's not code for some gay sex act). The other dumb whores used their chichis! Stupid fucks. They got fucking served up by a 68-year-old dude! Mel proves that pepaws can do anything, even with a pulled groin.

Jakey is totally using Mike to get close to Mel.

Ed Westwick is sick of hobags saying he likes to play "Pin the Peen on the No-No" with his Gossip Girl gal pal Chace Crawford all day and all night. Ed doesn't like to lick the nutsack sweat off of Chace's taint. No. Ed loves vagina! If there was an all-you-can-eat pussy buffet, he would be there 24-hours a day. In fact, he loves the chocha so much that he kissed a girl in public! That must mean he's a slave to the snatch. Right?

Ed whined to Rolling Stone (via SS) about this fuckery, "It’s funny because I love this fucking dude dearly. I would die for this fucking dude. He's my brother. But, by God, we are so into our fucking women it's ridiculous. I made out with a girl in public. Maybe I need to have sex in public with a woman. That one's still on the list. Still haven't ticked that one off. Well, I have, but they haven't seen me. Not George Michael public."

Okay, he had me falling for his foolery until the George Michael part. That's not a bitch you bring up when you're trying to convince the world that you like the clit.

But then I looked at these pictures of Ed with his girlfriend (for pay) Jessica Szohr in Miami and maybe the dude is truth-telling. First of all, I don't know any homoanything who would take off their shirt in public when they have juicy puss-filled pimples on their chest. Second of all, that Heartbreak Hotel tattoo screams straight douchebag. Wait, unless he got it in honor of Whitney Houston and then....

That being said, I'd hit that shit and squeeze those chest pimples with my ass lips. And I bet his body jiggles when he wriggles. Hot.

Big ole' girl was trolling through London last night when he pulled the breaks on his boots after seeing a big penis in the window of a store. Luckily, Kevin's friend got him away from the store before bitch jumped through the window to sit on that book. Kevin had that look in his eye like his ass was ready to pounce. His donut hole was definitely making cream.

How do I liiiiive without youuuu?! The answer is: It's pretty fucking easy when you have Eddie Cibrian's peen to lick on.

In the new issue of UsWeekly, they claim LeAnn Rimes and the walking sex stick known as Eddie Cibrian are doing illegal sexy times with each other. The affair reportedly started shortly after they started working together on the Lifetime movie Northern Lights. UsWeekly got a hold of footage from a security camera of the two kissing at Mosun in Laguna Beach, CA. They also say that the two spent three-hours at a motel in Malibu on March 14th.

UsWeekly doesn't fuck around! Joey Greco who?! The next time you plan to do some ho shit in public, UsWeekly might be watching your skank ass!

If this shit is true, then it might cause problems for both LeAnn and Eddie since both their asses are married. Eddie has a wife of 7 years and two young sons.

LeAnn Rimes got married to one of her backup dancers Dean Sheremet seven years ago when she was just 19. Her gaydar must have been in beta mode back then, because Dean's gayface looks like it's been dick slapped once, twice or a million times. This makes me think that LeAnn probably woke up one day, smelled the ass jelly and realized her husband likes to make out with peen lips. I've always speculated in my own head that the two have some kind of open relationship. She can throw her vag around town on the down-low and he can get it where it stinks whenever he wants. So Dean might be shouting "You go girl" to LeAnn when he finds out that she's licking on that fine ass piece of certified organic beef!

If that's not the case, then I say Dean needs to call a lawyer, grab a shovel and start digging for fucking gold. Milk that Rimes bitch for all the coin she has. Take that money and go live your happy gay life!

As for Eddie, it's hard for me to comment when drool keeps hitting my keyboard. Yes, it's wrong, wrong, wrong, but doing fucky times with Eddie is so right, right, right. I say, his wife needs to divorce his ass and Eddie's peen needs to be thrown in a cell for the wrong shit it's done. And by "cell," I mean my no-no.

In Little Ashes, the new movie that will make a few peens throb, Robert FancyPattz plays Dali and the role required him to do fake butt sex with the hot piece of hairy man sex known as Javier Beltran, who plays Lorca. Depending on which bitch you ask, the experience was either beautifully "tragic and painful" or totally nut-shrinking awkward.

First up is Javier! When asked about it by Out Magazine, he said, "We didn't have any problems with the sexuality. On the set it was less important than the emotions. The sex scenes are beautiful—tragic and painful."

Tragic and painful?! Hmm. They didn't have any lube, right? No lube, no problem! You can make yourself a very useful concoction right on your palm. Just spit, add a little nose snot, and if available, mix in a dab of dick butter. And if you're really desperate, just ask the recipient to push out the prairie dog. It's not for the faint of fart, but desperate fucky times call for desperate measures!

As for the magical Robert? He had this to say to GQ about that shit, "The hardest part was trying to do it doggie-style. Trying to have a nervous breakdown while doing it doggie-style. And it wasn't even a closed set. There were all these Spanish electricians giggling to themselves."

Nervous breakdown while hitting it from the back? It kept jumping out of the hole, didn't it? That is some nerve-wracking shit.

But seriously, doing butt sex (even fake butt sex) while Spanish electricians watch? What's RPattz's nightmare is my fucking dream of dreams!

When Elle Magazine asked Vanessa Lutz about her best homegirl Jakey Gyllenhaal, she said, "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

Fabulous? Reese might as well have said that the bitch is feir-feir-feeeeeeirce. And that he's so glittery that she just wants to wear him as a dress while skipping along the rainbow trails left by his ass.

Reese went on to talk about how she's made of sugars, “I’m made of cookies after the holidays. Everything inside me is made of sugar and flour and a little red wine–a lot of red wine.”

This bitch might be gayer than Jakey. Might be.

Visit Elle to read the rest of Reese's interview if you give a shit.

That is the face of a bitch who really loves a piece of meat in his mouth. I own a mirror, so I know that face all too well. Chuck Bass is jizzing in his eyeballs. You should have seen what this bitch did when the waiter brought out of his order of kielbasa and sticky buns followed by a tossed salad to cleanse his palette. The waiters are still cleaning the ass cream from his seat.

Here's Chuck Bass giving head to some meat with two dude friends at a restaurant in West Hollywood yesterday.