Gay

The straightest of all straights, Ryan Straightcrest, is a producer on Brody Jenner's new show Bromance and he talked to TVGuide about his own relationship with his "bros."

"I've advocated for years that it's OK for dudes to do things together. I'm fine going to the spa and getting massaged with my buddy. I quite like it."

That sounds like the opening scene of a zillion gay porn movies. This is quite possibly the gayest thing I've heard all hour and that's saying a lot. And by "I quite like it" Gaycrest really means "My prostate looooves it."

(Thanks Mike)

I don't like the looks of this picture. They both have their eyes partly closed in a sexual way, Johnny Travolta is slightly puckering his lips and JRM's hands aren't where we can see them. Johnny is definitely jizzing in his big girl panties. That bloody shit on JRM isn't ketchup bukkake, it's the real thing. When Johnny flashed his lil' L. Ron Hubbard, JRM probably passed out on the floor and suffered a major concussion.

If you're looking at these pictures of Johnny and feeling tingly in the crotch (you know who you are), then please do your genitals a favor and get some much needed help. Your genitals deserve better than this.

Here's more of Johnny looking like a cross between Yogi Bear and Mr. Magoo while filming some crap movie with JRM in Paris.

I could probably use the above title a dozen more times if I did more investigative reporting. I mean, I think all American Idol rejects end up in gay porn (even the girls) eventually. Shit. I think all of us will end up doing gay porn sooner or later. Yeah, so you better practice keeping your privates erect while getting it in the stink. Your time is cumming soon.

You might remember Zach Travis' American Idol audition that left the judges confused. Well, Simon and Randy anyway. Paula is always confused. Zach was the girly boy who wore bellbottoms and heels while singing Whitney Houston's Queen of the Night. Randy asked him if he was a dude or a chick. Zach was rejected and his dreams were crushed....

That's until he chopped off the librarian bob, tossed the heels in the dumpster and pulled his ass cheeks apart. Now the only thing that's getting crushed is Zach's asshole! Zach does gay porn now and goes by the name Kirk Cummings. Okay, couldn't he have come up with a better name than that?! Randy Jackmeoff? Or maybe Simon Bowels (ew)? Or even Semen Cowell?

The Sword uncovered Zach's new gay porn image as well as his new "song" called "Badass." The song is nothing to bust nuts over, but (NSFW) click here to see Zach's other skills which he seems to be much better at.

Good for Zach! When someone kicks you to the ground, just get on your knees and start sucking your way to the top (or bottom in his case)! It's the American dream!

Below is Zach's song "Badass" and click here to see his original Idol audition.

(Thanks Jack Shamama)

Your office might be a little less gay today because of Day Without A Gay Day! A day without a gay is like a day without Mother's Circus Animal Cookies and the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam. :( A day without a gay is a weepy one.

All gays in America have been called upon to not go to work today and instead volunteer your time to fight Prop 8 and the other anti-gay marriage ballot initiatives in Arizona, Arkansas and Florida. Some are also asking the gays not to buy any shit today to show bitches how important the gay dollar is! Um. Does that include lube? Because I'm totally out. You can't make me use Crisco, oil or lotion. I can't go back there again.

Now, I tried calling in gay, but my boss is a total Cunty McCunt and I've used that excuse before, so no dice. If you're like me and you can't call in gay, then click here to see how you can help.

If you call in gay, don't try to be slick and spend your day eating dongs, Ding Dongs and watching your stories. Well, if you watch your stories, spend time with One Life to Live. It's been getting good.

And I better not even see Tommy Girl's or Ryan Gaycrest's face today!

Little Britain's Matt Lucas officially divorced his husband of 18-months back in October and it looks like he's dried all his tears and gotten back on the horse hung.

39-year-old Matt was out shopping in L.A. yesterday with some trick21-year-old model Kevin Gould. The love tarts met on the set of Little Britain USA. Kevin The trick obviously instantly fell madly in love with Matt's vivacious personality, infectious sense of humor and his love for life. Kevin The trick has my permission to use that line during interviews when he's asked if he's giving head to get ahead.

And Matt immediately fell in love with....well....with Kevin's the trick's body. Kevin Matt's trick is the hotness, but that bitch needs to lose that fugly thick chain. I'm like a kitten, so when I see something shiny it catches my eye and distracts me from finding out important information like how big the peen is.

UPDATE! - This is not Kevin Gould with Matt Lucas. It's some piece with no name.

The hot piece that became a YouTube star by showing up Beyonce was on "The Bonnie Hunt Show" this morning. Beyonce probably offered to come on her show, but Bonnie said, "Hell naw! I want the real Sasha Fierce!" And that's what she got. Unfortunately, Shane Mercado didn't wear that sexy one piece number. It's daytime TV, I guess he had to keep it PG. He should have at least ripped off to reveal some cyborg nipple tassels or something. Beyonce has the cyborg glove, Sasha Fierce should have cyborg nipple tassels.

I can't embed the video, so click here to see Sasha Fierce in all her glory. You might want to put on some sunglasses when you watch this shit. It's full of glitter and I wouldn't want you to get any in your fragile eyes.

Thanks Robyn

Joy Behar filled in for Larry King last night, he was off hunting for the souls of children, and she had the unofficial Mrs. Rojo Caliente on her show to talk about the gay marriage ban. I've been majorly strung out, looking for a Rojo fix, so this helped to ease the pain. I watched it last night, focusing on Mrs. Rojo's lips and thinking, "those things have felt the heat of The Rojo!" I'm jealous. On a serious note, Mrs. Rojo is smart in the brains and made some good points.

Also, in a few minutes a huge National protest against Prop 8 begins in every state. Run your ass over there now! And look hot, because there's going to be cameras. Click here to get info for the nearest rally if you're interested in going.

Since Prop 8 passed in California, Melissa Etheridge's marriage to Tammy Lynn Michaels isn't really a marriage anymore in the legal sense. I guess? Right? Well, Melissa will protest the ban on gay marriage by not paying state taxes! Melissa wrote on The Daily Beast about her plan:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS worker

Hmmm....no state taxes in California? CA already has In-N-Out and now the gays don't have to pay taxes! Woo hoo! Grab my dildo collection, pa, I'm going out west!

Think of all the things I can buy with my extra dough from not paying state taxes. I can buy more discontinued Mother's Animal Cookies, I can eat In-N-Out all day, I can even go to Disneyland like once (that shit ain't cheap)! Fuck. All of us can go to T.G.I. Friday's and the Mudslides will be on me! It'll be a 24-hour party!

That's until the IRS comes to kill my fun and take me away in handcuffs. When I start screaming, "Melissa Etheridge told me I didn't have to pay taxes," they'll just nod their heads and shuttle me off to prison. Oh well. At least you can bring me warm Hot Pockets during visiting days. You'll owe me for all those cocktails I bought you! And I'm sure I can be someone's wife in the clink!

Click here to read Melissa's entire entry.

Look at these two precious lesbians being all smiley and married. Well, Prop 8 has come along and stomped all over their pure happiness. They're just two sad lesbians now and that is a sin! Gayelles should never be sad.

Prop 8, which re-bans gay marriage, will most likely pass. Right now 95% of the votes have been counted. 52% are for and 48% are against. There's still around 4 million absentee ballots that need to be counted, but it's probably not enough to turn things around. The state is no longer marrying the gays as of today. It's looking grim and gross.

A few of the 18,000 couples that were married will file lawsuits. Civil rights groups are also challenging the measure by asking the Supreme Court to strike it down based on the argument that you can't just take shit away from one certain group.

I don't get this shit. I'm a tax-paying dumb bitch like everyone else. I should have the right to fly to California, catch a sugar daddy on his death bed, marry him, wait a couple of months for him to kick it and then collect all his cash. Seriously, that's my lifelong goal and now a bunch of fun killers in California have stopped me from being able to achieve this!

These are the pictures from Tommy Girl roasting Matt Lauer in NYC the other night. Tommy better have doubled-up on his big boy panties, because you know the ass pudding was a flowin' when he hugged Matt. Tommy was barfing from his ass and peen holes. Tommy is so giddy that he wants to jump on that table, punch the air and scream, "YES! YES!" Matt is doing his best to hold it together, but he was probably really uncomfortable when Tommy's wet Scientolorod tried to kiss at his private area.