TV

After "Cashmere Mafia" was canned, Lucy Liu took her wonk eye to "Dirty Sexy Money" and it looks like she's unemployed again. A source at ABC told E!'s Kristin that everyone who works on DSM were told yesterday to get in the bread line, because the show has been canceled. ABC only said they have passed on picking up any new episodes for the show. Yup, they're done.

This is why I usually stick to watching reality shows, because they hardly ever get the cut. Whenever I get attached to a real show, the network usually sends it off take a permanent dirt nap. Now where will I get my weekly dose of Lucy Liu, Donald Sutherland, Peter Krause and Jill Calyburgh all wrapped up in a pretty package?

ABC has also canceled "Eli Stone" (I blame Katie Holmes) and "Pushing Daisies." The latter shit I never got into even though crazy bitches basically held knives to my throat, demanding that I surrender myself to the magicalness of the show. They swore to me that I'd fart rainbows. I never did. It always felt like I was watching a really bad episode of Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre.

Eli, DSM and Daisies may be on their way to the graveyard, but ten million versions CSI and Law & Order live on!!!

Obviously Brooke Shields hasn't received her "I'm Sowwy" Vermont Teddy Bear from ABC for canceling her show "Lipstick Jungle," because she still believes they haven't been flushed down the toilet just yet.

At some event in NYC last night, Brooke told UsWeekly, "They thought that because My Own Worst Enemy has been shut down that the same thing had happened to us, and it's not true. They're not breaking down the sets. We’re still working. We still have more to do, so it's erroneously presented that we’ve been canceled, thank God. Our bosses are saying, 'You’re not canceled, don’t worry. We’re just trying to figure out how to make this make sense.'"

Brooke downed a jumbo delusiontini and went on to say, "I mean, we're basically No. 1 if you look at DVR. And you look at all that. So the public is watching it. They just need to figure out how to reconcile advertisers' money because the advertisers don't want you fast forwarding commercials."

Brooke is going to be one of those bitches who despite being unemployed is still going to get up in the morning, shower, dress, go to work and sit in front of her closed down studio all day long. She'll sit there all perky-like, texting her friends with, "I'm sooo busy at work. Miss u!"

And I'm going be one of those crazy bitches who will always believe that "Lipstick Jungle" is canceled. When their 100th episode airs, I'll still be screaming, "That a mirage you're watching! That show got canned years ago!"

When I first heard that "Cashmere Mafia" got flushed down the toilet and "Lipstick Jungle" got picked up for the season, I bitched out my Tivo for not preventing this. It wasn't its fault, but I had to call someone a cunt. I didn't understand why "Cashmere" got canned! It had a gayelle, Miranda Otto and Lucy Liu wearing disco dresses and leather gloves during the day. What more could you want?!

Well, I'm so happy I could barf to learn from The Ausiello Files that "Cashmere's" arch rival "Lipstick Jungle" is most likely getting canceled. Sources say that producers of that shit fest were told yesterday and it's not known if it will be yanked from Tivos right away. HAHA! And Lindsay Price better not even think of running off to "90210," because I hated that bitch Janet with a fucking passion.

"Lipstick" isn't the only show getting a cardboard box funeral. "My Own Worst Enemy" is reportedly also getting the ax. Don't ask me what the hell that show is, because I can't even begin to guess. AND over at Fox, Defamer claims "MadTV" is DONE. A source at Fox said they are finishing up the current season, but it won't be back after that. The whores at SNL better shuffle off to Fox for their "Every Cast Member Must Go" sale. Keegan Michael-Key is now available!

Since both NBC and FOX have timeslots they need filled, might I suggest the clip blow. They can play it on a loop. Ratings GOLD!

Thanks Sahra

SPOILER ALERT! I don't watch "Grey's Anatomy," but for those of you that do, you might want to skip this shit. A bitch and has been axed from the show and unfortunately it's not Katherine Heeeeiiggglll. Find out who will be in the unemployment line today after the jump. JUMP!!!!

Surprise everyone! "The King of the Hill" is on still on television....but not for long. Fox has dethroned the King after 13 seasons. There won't be a 14th season. Try not to cry. You'll ruin your slutty Hallopeen make-up.

Mike Judge and Greg Daniels created the show which premiered in 1997. They went on to do other crap, but Mike Judge still does voices for the show along with Brittany Murphy, Tommy Petty and other hos.

I don't think I've ever seen a full episode of this shit. I did meet a dude in a bar once and he claimed he worked on the show. I blew him in the back of his car, so I sort of contributed to the show in my own way.

For those of you that will miss seeing these hillbillies on TV, just remember that we'll always have Brit Brit.

Source

The "90210" redo is sort of working for The CW, so they decided to bring back another show from the dead: "Melrose Place." A spokeswhore for The CW confirms to Michael Ausiello that they are indeed working on an update of MP for next fall. Sydney, crawl out of your grave, you're needed at Melrose Place.

Before I start busting nuts through my ass, I need to think about this. If they brought back the old bitches, they would have to call this shit "Melrose Retirement Community," so I'm assuming the cast will mostly be new and young whores. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm already having a hard time feeling love for the new "90210" youngins.

However, I would die and fall into Megan Lewis coma if they brought back Amanda, Kimberly and Sydney. They would have to bring back Sydney from the dead, pay Heather Locklear a shit load of cash and get Marcia Cross to leave a "respectable" acting job. Yeah, it's not going to happen.

With our luck, we'll be stuck with Jane Mancini, Jake Hanson, Taylor McBride and Billy Campbell. All the boring ones!

Why ruin a good thing? Instead, The CW should try and remake shows that never really got their shot. I'm talking about "Models Inc.," "Pacific Palisades," "CPW" and "2000 Malibu." Oh shit! 2000 Malibu Road!

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking whatever happened to Jennifer Beals' character! I mean, the show ended with her practically dying in a stairwell and we never learned her fate. And did Tuesday Knight's character ever recover from being struck by lightning?! I need answers! Bring back 2000 Malibu Road! But leave Drew Barrymore out of it. Opening credits below:

This Thanksgiving, you'll get two turkey dinners with all the fixings, because Rosie O'Donnell's new variety show debuts that day. Rosie and NBC announced that her new variety show called "Rosie's Pie-Eating Hour" will air live on November 26th. I was being dumb about the title. It's called "Rosie's Variety Hour." If the Thanksgiving special does well, NBC could order a full season of the show.

The Ausiello Files reports that NBC ordered a "backdoor pilot" of the show. Backdoor pilot? Count Tommy Girl in! He'll bring the lube and anal lip clamps.

"Rose's Variety Hour" will feature a monologue, celebrity guests, musical acts, comedy skits and a giant giveaway. Basically it's going to be a big glittery homo fiesta with a dash of dykeness. Rojo Caliente should be the in-house go go dancer!

Rosie said: “This is a dream come true for any performer. Old time variety, live from New York with a nod to Ed Sullivan, Carol Burnett and memories of Sonny and Cher.”

You better believe I'll be watching this shit. It's probably going to be even better because I'll be stuffed and wasted. Nothing helps your food digest like a big heaping help of Rosie O! Elisabeth Hasselbeck should be her first guest. They need a re-match....in a cage..... while wearing bikini thongs ....and covered in hot oil. And I just made myself sick.

On "The View" this morning Elisabeth Hasselbeck finally got her chance to tell the country why she thinks Sarah Palin would make a good president and she totally fucked up!

It all started when the hens in the coop started arguing about Palin and Obama's experience and other shit like that. Joy and Elisabeth started going at it and finally Barbara Walters interrupted them and said, "Every single day you never ever say, maybe there's another point, so this is your chance. Tell us now why you think that Sarah Palin would make a very good President."

Elisabeth's white cotton panties must have gotten twisted because she got all bitchy with Babs and said,"Well, since I've been studying for this pop quick forever! I....tell me why Barack Obama is qualified. Give me three tangible things he has done." Answering a question with a question. Get 'em Hasselbeck!

Elisabeth should have just called Meredith and asked to use one of her life lines. (Thanks, Tina Fey!)

Right after Elisabeth's response, Joy asked to go to a commercial! Ha. A few seconds later Elisabeth gave all her reasons and then they went right to commercial. UGH! Why do they do that shit? The only reason I watch these crows is to see them fight and then they ruin it by cutting them off. REFUND!

his shit was also entertaining because Barbara was dressed like a little old harlequin doll. She should pose for the Naked Clowns Calendar!

Clip below:

While Sarah Palin was talking about a bunch of political stuff at the RNC last night, the camera cut to little Piper Palin grooming her baby brother's hair with the help of a little spit pomade. Yes, this was probably planned (what isn't?), but it was the most entertaining moment of the night! I'm easily amused.

Thanks Dr. Jennifer

Kimberly Walsh, Jane Mancini, Amanda Woodward, Dr. Michael Mancini, Dr. Peter Burns, Brooke Armstrong, Allison Parker, Jake Hanson and Sydney Andrews may reunite at the Emmy Awards this year. Kimberly better rip off her wig during the reunion and beat Michael with a shovel! And Jane better scream "Sydneeeeeey" at least once.

According to E! the Emmy producers are trying to reunite several casts to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of the awards show. A source said that reuniting the large cast of "Melrose Place" is going to be a nightmare. They better not forget Amy Locane, Vanessa Williams or Sexy Lexi!

The source also claims they are thinking of reuniting the casts of "Happy Days," "Dynasty," "Dallas," "Knots Landing" and the original "Beverly Hills 90210." 90210 can stay, the rest can go!

Personally, I think they should reunite the casts of "2000 Malibu Road," "Pacific Palisades," "Models Inc.," "Savannah," "CPW" and "Titans." Although, most of the people in those TV shows have probably dropped off the face of the earth.

And I leave you with this riveting and powerful scene from MP featuring that dumb bitch Sydney! In this clip, Sydney gets her ass beat down by a bunch of old raggedy whores. Sydney didn't know the rules of the streets! The three old whores really missed their calling. They should have been in an all-girl pop group. Not walking the streets.